SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

That being said, no one will convince me that intimacy and sex is not biologically driven

There are many threads here where BH make this same argument. I also agree that monogamy and long-term marriages are social constructs, not biological. I haven't given up on them as a goal for people, but there is nothing natural about it imo.

To sum up my whole post would be “a healthy normal human seeks love, sex, and intimacy not to attack, murder, or rape someone without cause”. Love, sex, intimacy are normal desires to perpetuate the human race... murdering your innocent neighbor, not so much.

I love this. Right up there with my FWH “you won. She wanted me but you won.” After she ditched him four days prior upon hearing him admit he was married and still living with me not separated.

Following history there are there are vast degrees of allowances for extreme actions. The most successful, by far, are the cultures that adopted monogamy. In that, that trait and expectation have been a generationally reinforced practice. While promiscuity hasn’t been completely bred out, there are remaining stigmas and conditions of those who engage in promiscuous behavior. A person with a, even somewhat, developed neocortex inherently knows promiscuity is intrinsically wrong. That is part of the human condition.

As to the OP’s WH defense statement, that was among my xww’s retorts as well. The mere fact that it wasn’t the whole time is superfluous. Of course it wasn’t the whole time. There were also times when she was sleeping as well. But whether is was one goat or dozens, hundreds of times, it really doesn’t matter what else she was doing or had going on.

A law wouldn’t prevent such behavior, just as gun laws do not prevent gun violence. While promiscuity during marriage should be a criminal offense, it’s damn difficult to nail down all the particulars and make one multi-tiered law similar to murder. And because of the prevalence of this act/crime the enforcement would be near impossible as well. Being bled dry from a gunshot wound is fairly binary and easily definable. Being bled dry emotionally due to a spouse’s promiscuity if much harder to quantify and determine. It’s messy and the legislature and courts are moving to a simpler method to keep their hands from getting dirty except in extreme cases. Enter the cookie cutter no fault decisions. Utter crap.

So do we accept the status quo or attempt the betterment of the species on a case by case basis? Monogamy is vastly superior. Departures from it illustrate the distance we have come in the depth of pain associated. They illicit additional primitive thoughts and behaviors from those affected. Ever since the invention of the wheel and agriculture, spreading one’s seed in other pastures has become an obsolete method for ensuring perpetuation of the species.

OuttaCoffee

**You f*** ONE goat***

He swears it was just an EA.

This thread demonstrates (again) how immature our WS brains really are.

One of my favorite gems that aligns to the "it was only 8 times", it wasn't the whole time" mentality.

"But he wasn't in our bed". Oh that makes it so much better to know you brought him into my home, had sex but he was never in our bed".

Sheesh

I love the title of this thread. A lot. 😊😊

Brennan - Wow. It's amazing what they pass off as morals and boundaries, isn't it?

Optioned,

You ARE not kidding. It’s almost laughable. We should write a book of their GEMs.

Another favorite “I would have felt slutty going to a hotel”. Um dear, an affair is the very definition of slutty.

My XWW tried that as well, about a year after kicking her out when she was all kinds of pissed off that i wouldn't take her back.

Once i told her they all of her friends had come to me over the past year and told me about all of the other As that i was clueless about, she was still like, "But there were more days where i was faithful than unfaithful"

I got all the same lines. “He never meant anything to me, you are the one I love”, or I have never done anything like this in the 25 years we are married. You can’t throw us away for a three week mistake. Oh yes I could.

Just took me too long to do it. Edited to add that she threw us away the first time she brought him into our bed and our lives

[This message edited by waitedwaytoolong at 8:13 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday)]

Cheater logic is circular at best, and a contradiction in terms.

“Some people don’t disappoint, to disappoint.”- Adam Carolla

Oh yes. I CHOSE YOU!!!!! Like I'm Pikachu.

OuttaCoffe - that one goat gets you every time.

Interpretive dance - this is making me laugh. And giving me a horrible 80s memory. Dragnet - the bad 80s movie with Dan Akroyd and Tom Hanks. Search You Tube "City of Crime - Dragnet". Best line "we like to dance in these goatskin pants around this ancient ruin"

That poor goat.

waitedwaytoolong Huh. Sounds like SHE threw away a 25 year marriage for a 3 week fling. Not the other way around.

Chaos - Oh the goat! You know we're never going to be able to see goats on TV anymore and not laugh.

Marie OMG! If it weren't so tragic, I'd laugh.

OuttCoffee Well that explains everything. We think monogamy is vastly superior. I mean, no sneaking around, no lying. Just a wonderful lifetime of ups and downs you handle together. A partnership that is unshakable.

Cue record scratch.

BORING! so says the cheater! Where's the spontaneity? Where does their inner child play?

Okay, in fairness, I guess some cheaters believe in monogamy, too - for their spouses.

Edie It's like the counterpart post: Jazzhands: or Why I fondled the AP.

Brennan so she might as well have said: It was everywhere else - the kids' rooms, the middle of the living room while watching Game of Thrones. Even a couple of times on the kitchen counters where we prep food. But never NEVER did we do it in the marital bed because while my genitals weren't off limits, the sheets we got on sale from Bed Bath & Beyond were! So see? I valued the marriage!

[This message edited by OptionedOut at 3:13 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

I do totally see your point! My situation was actually kind of opposite though. My husband was so ashamed he would just sit there and never ‘defend’ himself in any way, which sounds nice, but I found myself eventually wanting him to say those things. Like I was begging him to point out ANY good like ‘it wasn’t the whole time’ ect ect. No I definitely do not think it is ANY excuse but after awhile I found I needed to hear those things.... maybe that is odd of me!!

Gosh it’s so hard to figure this all out!