SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Strength to you cards.

I really understand that you need your dog with you. I would think about the idea of not even addressing the dog with him. If you operate going forward as if the dog isn’t a discussion point, keep your dog at your sister’s, and just deal with personal property, he may never mention your pup. Have a few plans/concessions/bluffs in your pocket should he try to bring your dog into it.

Bigger is right that there may be no actionable consequences from his company regarding his conduct on company time using company resources; however, if he’s a guy who doesn’t want the embarrassment or his image tarnished, he may respond to your bluff.

Also, repeat after me:

A divorce is about math. MATH. In most states, it’s 50/50 regardless of any marital conduct. In practice, most states have developed a system where everything is valued in a marriage and split down the middle including debts and assets. You can’t do anything about property that predates the marriage, including what you contributed from other assets, but going forward, half of everything acquired in the marriage Is yours. Period. It’s just business and paperwork at that point. If you have to let him think he’s getting a good deal by overvaluing something or undervaluing something else, do it. Just get yourself out of it.

It isn’t easy, but it is a damn sight better then living as a hostage to money and putting up with someone who disrespects, devalues, and lies to you every day. Freedom from that is worth it. You are young and have time to reshape these few years of your life as a big learning experience. It will be just a fraction of your past in a few years. You’ve got this.

I agree with Marz. Limit your communications as much as possible. You don’t need the aggravation.

You need to focus on your healing, and bickering with the STBXWH won’t help. Perhaps ask him to communicate through your sister only.

A divorce is always costly, it can’t be helped. But you are young and you will get through this. Think of it as a learning experience.

After my divorce, I changed my “picker” quite a bit. It doesn’t mean to become super picky, but rather to look for different qualities than before. It will happen to you too and you’ll find happiness before you know it

I think he has accepted that he's not getting the dog. He did change passwords to our online accounts, and I brought up to him that he probably shouldn't try selling our stocks in our etrade account, to which he replied that "that money isn't being touched", and I argued that half of it was mine. He then said well you took the dog from me, so we will call it even.

He doesn't know that I took screenshots of the balance in that account, so if he tries to sell them or lock me out, I will contest it.

He does definitely seem more worried about money than anything. He flipped out this morning texting me about me taking our change jar that maybe had $20 in it. and flipped out thinking I had taken chicken from our freezer (which I did not). Also told me that if I'm going to come get stuff, it needs to be when he's home. Whatever, if he wants to do that I will have a sheriff show up with me.

I'm ignoring him at this point because he's proven to me that he is going to be irrational, and I need to focus on myself at the moment.

Normally I think arguing in text is bad for ongoing relationships because people say hurtful things in writing that they would not say in person. But here, your relationship is ending, and having documentation of what he says is a good thing. The more petty he is also, the easier it will be for you to detach.

It might make sense for you to change the pw on the etrade account just to preserve it. Or put a freeze on any activity if they allow that. Or even liquidate it and send him a check for half. Even if you lose some money, it will be one less tie between you.

And when you do talk about the house offer only to share the value above what your parents gave you. That may not stand up if you have to go to court, but that is what is fair so you should fight for it.

Good luck!

It sounds like he's going to make this very difficult for you. His behavior is only confirming you are making the right decision by divorcing him. You should talk to your lawyer ASAP about the stocks. This piece of crap has taken enough from you and it looks like he's not finished with you yet.

He's now pissed that my dad took down the kitchen light in our house. It was a gift from my parents this past Christmas, and my dad is the one who installed it. He had nothing invested in the light. Threatened to call the cops and report my dad for robbery.

Told me I need to put money back into the account for bills once again, but said he still isn't giving me anything from our etrade account, so I told him to pay my half of the bills with the money from that account since he claims I'm not touching it.

He's definitely proven to me why I did things the way I did was best. And that I'm making the right decision.

Card, the Etrade account and money in it that was earned, put in after your wedding is marital asset. He can't just liquidate it and say its even b/c you took the dog. Make sure you have that screen shot or in email form if you have it.

As for the house, if you can show that the funds came from your parents, he won't have a right to that either, just the split of the proceeds from the sale of the house after all bills have been paid, and the portion from your parents if given to you prior to marriage goes back to you. that is personal property prior to your marriage, if you can prove its existence, he can't lay claim.

This sux, but man of man, you really escape one b/c you caught him early, no kids, no long term marriage. D won't be that difficult. Stay strong and forge ahead.

I do have a screenshot of the e-trade account balance as of Monday. He has locked me out now so I cannot see if he's made any changes.

He's being a little more reasonable today so far, but I don't count on that lasting.

Good for you! It can be a tough thing to leave. That's awesome you recognized the situation for what it is and found the strength to start taking the steps to remove yourself from it. Way to go! Better things are ahead for you!

[This message edited by FEEL at 11:06 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

He's such a gross person. He cheats on you throughout your entire marriage and then has the nerve to give you a bunch of crap when you've finally had enough and want a divorce. He's obviously going to continue blaming you for him being a piece of crap. Just stay strong and keep your eye on the finish line.

You need to hurry up and get the divorce filed. Talk too those two ruthless attorneys you dont want to deal with. Just the short consult that most offer for free.

I also wouldn't talk about anything except items to be split in the divorce. No relationship stuff or feelings. He isn't your husband or your friend. It will help the last bit of detaching.

Good work so far. Sorry you are here, but your going to be ok.

Ma'am, you're doing exactly what you should be doing. Keep the dog, that will probably do more for you than half the E-Trade money ever could.