SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

pureheartkit:

No, no guardian angel. But I am glad I happened to be there.

Besides, this incident did not involve me engaging in Sumo wrestling with a Chevy Tahoe so it was much less painful in the long run.🤪

You star! You and Mrs Fareast handled that beautifully!

Sounds like it wasn’t his first rodeo. Heart breaks for M and I hope she’s ok, but the fact she was tracking him is a huge tell to the fact she knew that he was lying to her. I would never have dreamed of tracking my CH before dday.

It made her life much easier having the facts from you.

The worst part is not knowing what you’re dealing with.

Thank goodness there are those out there prepared to do the right thing and let a BS know! You did a good thing!

Reading a post like this shows that there are still people with integrity in this world. Way to go fareast.

Thank you for doing this. If my husband had real friends at the time, they would have done the same.

Well, wouldn’t you know. I received an angry call from J this afternoon. He accused me of trying to destroy his M and family. He told me what he does in his private life is none of my business and I should butt out of his M. I told him I would be glad to butt out and that I had no intention of destroying his M. But, I told him that his W, M, is my friend and also a good friend of Mrs. fareast, and she deserves the truth about her life if you are doing things to hurt her. I told him that telling the truth can not destroy a M, but cheating and lying to your W can. I told him what he does in his private life is none of my business, but if he goes behind M’s back out in public with other women, he should be prepared for the consequences. (Thank you SI, I was on a roll, but I’m not usually that forthright without inspiration from this forum). Anyway, he told me to stay out of it. I wished him luck and told him I am still going to help with the girls soccer team, and I look forward to working with the twins. I assured him I would never say anything to his kids. He hung up in a huff but I think I made my point.

By the way, I wanted to t/j slightly, and vent and agree with Butforthegrace that as a helping coach with kids sports for many, many years I have seen far too many parents like J who get way too overwrought in their kids athletics when they are so young. J is no where near the worst offender. I have had parents kicked out of games for harassing refs and the other team’s players and coaches, and given red cards, etc. And the kids get so embarrassed for their parents. Geez, the game is for the kids. Let them enjoy it. Sorry, I know this t/j is not infidelity related. I guess I’m thinking ahead to butting heads with a new set of parents this year. I look at it this way, even if your child plays on a losing team when he or she is 9,10, or 11, it doesn’t mean they will never get a chance to play in the World Cup matches! Right!😉. Lighten up.

[This message edited by fareast at 7:23 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]

fareast, what you and your wife did was the right thing to do. Isn't it amazing how cheaters always try to blameshift their bad behavior. It's almost laughable how J blames you for trying to destroy his marriage, while not even considering his own actions. That was awesome how you stood up to J. Well done!

And feel free to t/j away. After all, this is your thread.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 7:46 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]

Best thing I've read all day! WTG fareast!!!

You did exactly the right thing, Fareast.

Oh how I wish someone would have had half the decency you did & told me my WH was putting me at risk & disrespecting me so terribly.

Plenty of people knew but I didnt matter to them.

Thank you, good sir.

Good job.

I do love the way that waywards think.

Somehow YOU are the one destroying his M, not him, or his AP. Clearly, she knew he was married, but didn't care. And she probably didn't enjoy being caught with a cheater. I wonder if you've messed that up too (hopefully)!

fareast and Mrs. fareast - champions of the Underdog BSs! Excellent teamwork by Team fareast.

And good for you for not taking J's crap or falling for any of his excuses.

Sending hugs, strength and sparkles to M. I'm very glad you are both true friends to her.

Edited to add - standing slow clap!

[This message edited by Chaos at 7:57 AM, April 29th (Monday)]

Receiving an irate phone call from J like that shows that he is not remorseful at all. He's being a spoiled little kid who is angry because someone took away from him a toy he stole. He is angry because now he has to do damage control and come up with even more elaborate lies to his wife.

You already know this but it's spot on:

Receiving an irate phone call from J like that shows that he is not remorseful at all. He's being a spoiled little kid who is angry because someone took away from him a toy he stole. He is angry because now he has to do damage control and come up with even more elaborate lies to his wife.

The AP actually contacted me after I told the OBS (we had a total of 2 communications) and told me that she was "sick of me meddling in her life" and that I was potentially "ruining her son's Christmas" by contacting her husband and telling him about her and my WH's 1.5 year affair. And then she did come up with more elaborate lies, probably about me, as if I give a shit.

I have had this thought that perhaps it was fortuitous that J was the one we ran into cheating in public and not M. He has consistently demonstrated over several years that he is obnoxious and an unsympathetic figure.

But I think that even if the roles had been reversed and I had come across M publicly out with an OM, while J was home with the kids, I would still have done the same thing. M is truly a genuinely nice person. But IMO the BS deserves the truth despite any feelings of sympathy or friendship for the WS, or personal dislike for the BS. I may have agonized a little over notifying J if the roles had been reversed, but IMO it is still the right thing to do. Any thoughts?

That was a very kind thing you did for M, Fareast. I know it couldn't have been easy, but you and Mrs. Fareast have provided her with a lantern (the truth) to light her way. Kudos!

But IMO the BS deserves the truth despite any feelings of sympathy or friendship for the WS, or personal dislike for the BS. I may have agonized a little over notifying J if the roles had been reversed, but IMO it is still the right thing to do. Any thoughts?

Yep. Nailed it. You notify because its the right thing to do, not because you're out to get the WS. Affairs are wrong regardless of who has them.

Interesting thought though... I get that its easier to feel like notification is the right thing to do when you have a pre-existing relationship with the BS in question.

Way to go, fareast. This was nothing short of fortuitous for M. You are like her guardian angel. It took guts to confront him on the spot and I am so glad you did. If everyone would do this maybe we could stop some infidelity. Ehhh...who am I kidding, as long as there are people there is going to be infidelity. But, still, good deed well done.

Did your fWW speak to J's wife? Did she believe it? Was SI recommended? J doing this in public does not bode well for what has been going on behind closed doors (or in parks, parked cars, offices, etc., etc.) and I believe is most likely just the tip of the iceberg.

ETA: Former soccer mom here. OMG! Some soccer parents are unbelievalble. The disgusting practices that some coaches and parents get involved in are crazy. The H.S. soccer coach for my son's was such an A-Hole. His son tried out for the team. Of course he made varsity in freshman year (highly unusual, most don't, but once in a great while there is one) but no way should he have. In his Senior year the coach put him up as an All State Player. No way was this young man qualified or deserved to receive such an honor. The politics that people get involved in for their children and sports are ridiculous. BTW, his kid didn't get any kind of scholarship for college. Thank you so much for volunteering your precious time to coach. We had some of the best people to volunteer to coach our teams. I am so grateful for the time they put in so my kiddos could have a great experience. They did, and still do, love soccer even though they are all growed up now.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:25 PM, April 29th (Monday)]

Thanks SMS. Yes, both my W and I talked to J’s w, M, the next day. Yes, she did believe me, since once described, she recognized who the OW was immediately. She said it was not the first incident and she would handle it. I believe her. I am glad we communicated with her.

ETA: I totally understand your soccer experience. My son did make varsity as a freshman and played all four years. But the coaches, three different ones in four years, were not the best. He enjoyed the experience, playedhard, and made lasting friends. That’s all tha5 really matters. I agree the politics and attempts at favoritism parents get involved in for their kids sports does get ridiculous. But I have learned so much from the kids through volunteer coaching. If you pay attention you can learn so much. It’s definitely a two way street.

I just wanted to post an update. My W saw M at a luncheon yesterday. M sought her out to thank her for letting her know what was going on. M said she kicked J out and they are currently separated, but she remains hopeful he gets his act together. She said it has been tough on the kids at the end of the school year but they will be fine. She felt relieved to finally get the truth. IMO actions should have consequences. She did say that J plans on being active in the girls soccer again. Should be an interesting season.😉

Just curious, and sorry if I missed you saying it, but does M know about your fWW’s infidelity?

Also, can your fWW relate the pain she saw in M with the pain she caused you all those years ago? Has there been any discussion of that?

Thanks

I want to apologize, fareast, for seemingly not reading all your posts in this thread. I was reading on a device I don't normally use and somehow it wasn't showing all the posts. I see that my questions were answered by your previous posts already and that what I had to say sounded like others words already used. Anyway, I have read the whole thread and see I missed some posts.

Yes, should be an interesting soccer season. Good luck. I hope J has become humbled and more subdued. I wouldn't bet on it, though.