SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Now that you know the market price of what you were overpaying for, have you stopped it overpaying yet?

Or at least try to get a better deal?

the fine print

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So I have to wonder...when they leave for the AP and then shack up with them. Is it really not so great for them because "they're lying to themselves" when in fact they've lived their entire lives lying to themselves? Just seems like par for the course. A meager barrier for the truly delusional.

I get it.

No one likes paying Mercedes money for a used Kia.

I'm in a LDR now and only see the BF on weekends. He is also a BS. We laugh that now we are the ones having the A: great sex, fun weekends, no day to day chores. We go back to our homes and take care of that stuff and start counting down to the weekend again.

Actually, we are very much looking forward to the day-to-day. As soon as he retires in 2 years and moves out closer to me (maybe in with me). We like the quiet times but there will definitely be some adjustment, we'll see how it goes. I'm a lucky girl.

I liked turnthepage and hadji’s answer here.

You deserve longing stares and affection. Sex, love, appreciation. I can only imagine the reason you want his deal is you are still not getting those things? If not, time to have a good talk with your wife about your wants and needs and maybe hear hers as well. Recreate something you do want.

I would also imagine you did not do the things you mentioned because you just wanted to get in your wife’s pants. You did them because they are adult responsibilities. You also probably did some because you loved your wife and wanted to make her happy. That’s commendable. It’s on her that she didn’t appreciate those things. You aren’t a fool, she is a selfish ass.

If things aren’t changing on that front despite clear adult communication then maybe turnthepage has a point. Divorce and find it.

I took a serious moment to think about what the AP is getting out of my exwife's actions and the only thing I can think of is "boobs". Call it puerile, but it's the truth. 12 years with this person and I can't think of one fond memory of her personality. Also I guess he gets cuddles, but you can get that from a large enough dog.

Also I guess he gets cuddles, but you can get that from a large enough dog.

First the unconditional love thread and now this. Large dogs FTW. Happy that SI is now becoming a pro-D (as in pro-Dog) forum.

Btw NH. If you want recommendations, I'd say go for a berner.

Watch out.

The cat lobby may show up soon and correct you wrong think.

I should correct an impression I might have left.

I do not want to be an AP, I will never cheat on my wife. I would never do that to her. And should I find myself single, I will not chase married women (although the advantages are clear, I want to continue to be able to look at myself in the mirror).

No, the deal I want is to get the sex, the affection, the attention, the flirting, the longing glances, without having to “pay” for it. I want to get those things because I am the excitement in her life. But to be perfectly honest, if I thought I could get all that by paying for it, I'd pay a lot. But as other posters have said, I don't think I'm going to “nice” her into being excited by me.

Hikingout, I don't think it's quite so easy as asking for it. It's not like she's going to say, “Oh, that's what you want? OK, I'll be excited by you from now on.” And again, to be clear, I don't think her AP was exciting. The A was exciting. I can't give her that.

Turnthepage, why not leave? I told her I was going to. She talked me out of it. She's got my number. Always has. What can I say.

She talked me out of it.

How? What did she promise, she was going to do, that made you stay? And how much of that has she done?

If she hasn't done anything, why don't you leave yet, this time knowing she only talks and not acts?

Never healed - I disagree. I am actively having an affair now with turnthepage. I can tell you it’s hands down 1000 times better, and it’s based on something real. I have been married to this man for decades and right now I can’t wait to spend time with him, to have him hold me, I caught myself getting butterflies the other day as I got ready to go out. It took effort for both of us at first. It took a lot of brutal honesty, many discussions of what we wanted. You are offering her a win win situation. To have a relationship she is excited about. Love can be reinvigorated and renewed. It takes effort from both people. Go for it. If it doesn’t work and it’s not what either of you want then you can part ways later. It won’t work long term if you both don’t find a way to be happy any way. I would also add you both need to find other things that light you up, spark your passion away from the relationship. You need to get some of that energy by spending it in yourself doing things you enjoy. I just finished a long run so I admit I am totally writing this on a runners high (sorry I am literally ecstatic right now) I am going upstairs to get a shower before my booty call, I mean husband shows up.

My wayward wanted her original deal back after I left. I don't think so.

Funny how that works.

Nice marriage porn. HO.

[This message edited by 66charger at 6:54 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)]

Lol -

Wasn’t meant to be porn. My point is that your relationship can be whatever you want for it to be. It takes communication and honesty. Some of those discussions were hard and some were eye opening. But we both said, let’s make this the way we want it. We go out, try new things, new food, new places to visit, we talk, like really talk. It’s not just about sex but when you put it all out there that part flows well too. Open-minded experiementation. New dreams and goals. Expect it to feel awkward at first, almost forced, it’s not easy to let go of things and get vulnerable again with someone who hurt you. If she is still acting wayward, I don’t recommend any of what I am saying. But if not the see what the two of you can make together.

100% agree. AP had a sweet deal. I remember telling my XWH that I wanted to be AP; she had her husband and mine. I had no-one. Not fair at all!

The cat lobby may show up soon and correct you wrong think.

Well, I certainly can't speak for all the crazy cat people, but my tortie, Harriet, loves nothing more than to crawl under the blankets and cuddle up next to me and my husband. Mostly me, but if I'm not home, she will definitely cuddle with my poor husband (not a cat lover lol)!

NeverHealed, I DEFINITELY relate to your original post. I mean, I practically could've written it. When she was POSOM's AP (again, prior to getting married and officially becoming my WW) they met up (at least) every goddam week to bang/get her throat banged... as for me? If I was LUCKY, I'd be able to convince her more often than mikvah-night. Speaking of, I don't want to t/j nor get into the whole disallowed religion thing soooo just Google it if you're curious what that is lol

The idea has some appeal to it doesn't it. He had no cost, no chores, total freedom, free to do whatever he wanted. With a simple phone call from him my WW would drive to his place, take off her clothes, fuck, get dressed and drive home to lucky me. He had no cost and never even gave her a glass of water.

When they were travelling she called him after us doing our goodnight talking, he came to her room, they fucked and he left.

Unpaid call girl. Dial a free fuck. Free fuck on demand.

The problem with actually having the deal is being the kind of person (him or her) that feels justified in behaving like this. I don't want to look back at a long and wide path of destruction in my wake. But I guess if you can justify it, compartmentalize it, forget it, lack empathy and integrity it provides a rewarding lifestyle.

I don't want what ap got. I'd just want positive attention. And sexual attention. But not too much. I still wanna take poops in peace.

I still wanna take poops in peace.

NTV, I think that goes without saying. But if someone was going to say it I'm glad we can count on you to fill that role.