SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi guys, so this shit sandwich went from bad to omg in the last two days.

I can’t speak on it, because I’ve been advised not to.

Otherwise I’ve been trying to keep my head together.

Trying to work and trying to be a great dad to my unsuspecting kids. They’re the real victims here.

I'm so sorry.

Sending strength...

Praying for you.

She said she had 5 women that already want to date me. My buddy told her to stop and I declined, but it made me realize how I was exactly the type of man a woman would kill to be with.

Sometimes you need friends like that to give you perspective. My best advice after years and years of dealing with this stuff, is that when you get confused and frustrated, just step back, then step back again. Try to get the whole picture of your future and dump the emotional pain of being betrayed and lied to. Step back and be rational and practical about what your end game is, protecting and caring for the kids is always first, then finances, you health, and best way to get through this shitstorm to get to daylight on the other side.

You have options, but many of them are the lesser of two evils, you bite the bullet and forge ahead.

It doesn't matter if you choose to attempt reconciliation ( and there is no guarantee that will succeed) or divorce, you will always have times that you second guess your decision. It happens to all of us. Do you fight for your version of a happy life with this woman, or take you losses and fold, hoping to start over with a better woman some day.

Weighing those options and all the contingencies and consequences that go with them will drive you nuts.

Some level of indifference helps, it's not personal, it's a business decision.

Step back, then step back again. Big picture.

[This message edited by twisted at 8:52 AM, August 1st (Thursday)]

Guil,

Sorry your situation has gone to OMG. You are exactly correct to be concerned for your children. Here are some things you can do with them to keep yourself and them out of the house if your WW is refusing to leave. Jones Beach has that new adventure park. The kids should enjoy that. Go for a long bike ride on the bike path from Jones beach up to Bethpage St Park n back. The local carnival is in Hicksville at Our Lady of Mercy church this weekend. Take the kids out east and do some u pick veggies on the north fork. Etc.

Show your kids some normalcy. Be there for them. Be truthful to them about your WW in an age appropriate manner. They will respect that you were honest with them. Be their rock during this troubled time. Keep them active and distracted from the shitstorm your WW has brought upon the family. Let them know they are loved and have done nothing wrong in this ordeal. You will need to keep repeating it to them. Kids often process things differently thinking it was something they did that caused the family to break up.

Keep posting what you can. We are here to help. We are pulling for you to get out of infidelity as quickly as possible.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words.

I never realized this until a friend said it to me today.

We are married 7 years and she started her first affair in 2014.

Which means she was cheating on me for more than half our marriage.

That has crushed me, for some reason.

The woman that I thought would love me forever and never ever hurt me, not only did it once, she did it twice.

If I reconcile with her and she does it again, I’ll have no one else to blame other than myself.

I think I just realized my decision.

@Guillermo

Just wanted to reach out in regards to your post. I know you wrote that you would be going through DNA testing. I can only imagine the shock but I want to encourage you no matter what, your daughter has been raised by you and loved by you. Hold on to that, love her, and I’ll be hoping and praying that it’s not even an issue. She’s yours no matter what. That love holds true.

So her “boss” is out of the house. Moved out yesterday.

He’s no longer her boss, but still tried to say hello to her yesterday before he left. I reminded him of no contact.

I was going to rent the upstairs again, but have decided that I’m just going to move up there and float the whole mortgage.

It means I’ll still be in the marital home, but I’ll be separated from her. I can’t concentrate on healing myself when all she’s trying to do is get back together with me. She’s trying to control me and she has lost that super power.

I spent the remainder of last night crying myself to sleep thinking about how in love I was with her and she was cheating on me for 4 years.

Dear Guillermo, I hope you are having a better morning. Take your daughter to a zoo or water park, or riding or something - just BE in the day. It is all you can do.

We just spent the last 5 hours at the beach. It was fun.

I woke up this morning at 4am to a nightmare where my wife was telling her boss, A1, that she loves him.

I’m so sick to my stomach over this. I truly feel rage building inside.

I cried myself to sleep last night.

Take a cool shower and have a (one) beer and read your kids a story and take a nap. Always the best post-beach practice. Go out for Chinese or pizza later. Just live in each moment for this day. You will see how comforting that is after you do it for a bit. Everything else is out of control for now, but you do not need to be.

[This message edited by Odonna at 6:50 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

I think the hardest part is trying to heal when all she wants to do is make sure I’m not leaving her.

She’s not even concentrating on herself.

Today she made some comments about me speaking with another woman (a friend) in front of my oldest daughter. I let it slide for the time being and waited to get her alone to tell her she has zero right to make comments or ask me who I’m talking to. Of course she immediately thinks I’m sleeping with her, because that’s how her screwed up mind thinks.

I told her if she didn’t like these new rules, there is the front door. So even though she cheated on me twice, for over 4 years, she thinks she still has domain over me.

She’s not getting better and I’m running out of options.

Guillermo, how are you doing?

Grace,

I’m hanging in there. I’m losing sleep, waking up to nightmares. My wife is so focused on trying to save our marriage, but I keep telling her to just save herself.

The way I see it, I want the last 4 years of my life back.

We are going, as a family, to PA for two days. I’m going to be totally cordial and fun. All four of my kids, my wife, daughters bf, nanny. So 8 people, it should be fun, so long as she doesn’t try to corner me.

I’m not having sex with her. I told her that I no longer love her.

I know I’m regurgitating my thoughts right now, but I can’t think straight.

Family trips during such times are really difficult. I wish you luck....

Has she started IC yet?

Over and over we see WWs running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to "save the marriage" in the wake of DDay.

What they seem to not get, at all, is that the main thing we BHs want is basic honesty. It's a function of decency and respect. We aren't thinking about "the marriage". We are thinking about how this person has casually, even habitually lied to us over years and years of time, in your case on multiple levels. The disrespect runs so deep.

She is worried about herself. Her marriage. Her comfortable life patterns. You simply want to be treated with respect as a man.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 7:12 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

I’m going to enjoy the hell out of this trip, just for my kids. My oldest daughter knows and she’s been really supportive. She feels bad for me and has been so sweet, going out on small trips to the store and such. I’m very lucky.

Grace, your wisdom is priceless.

You really nailed her on the head.

My my estimates, her and her boss owe me 4 years of my life back. Because they both lied to me and he tried telling me I was his friend.

Hope you have good weather on your trip. Hopefully the break from routine and the quality time with your kids will help you relax. Sounds like you could use a break from the stress.

I hope so too! My wife will be there, but I’m telling her that if she cannot behave or act normal, don’t come.

Update on my daughter.

God finally listened to my prayers and she's mine.

I squeezed her so tight when I found out, but I would’ve even if she wasn’t.

I told my wife that I’m going to furnish the upstairs apt and move up there.

Last night I explained to her that she not only cheated on me, but our children too. That she wrecked our future together.

All for a little attention from two ugly unworthy men.

I feel like I have no future, but I will dedicate my time to my kids.