SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Went out with a few male friends the other night for dinner and then drinks. One of the attendees was a friend of a friend. A married man with three children.

After a few drinks he was telling us how he was having affairs with married women. I was naturally feeling uncomfortable with his admission. I felt like knocking him out. What a piece of shit.

What made my dry reach was that he said he targets married women because they’re the ones likely to shut their mouths during and after the affair because they’ve got so much to lose. Like it’s an insurance policy for him and them. He said he never targets single women cause they’re most likely to go crazy on him when he ends the affair and have nothing to lose by going to his spouse.

I thought this man was so brazen to let it all out like this to a bunch of men. I don’t know him and neither do I know his wife but part of me felt like finding out and contacting his wife and letting her know what’s been happening behind her back. I said to a couple of friends that I was disgusted with this man and I will not be attending any more boys night out events if he ever attends. In leaving, I said to him that he should be ashamed about what he’s doing to his wife and the families of the cheaters. The married women he’s cheating with are no better than him either but his thinking and motives are disgusting. He seemed unfazed. What a douchebag. I turned to the friend who brought him to the boys night out and told him to not have this man around his wife and house. He laughed saying there’s nothing to worry about. I hope I’m wrong but I suspect his wife will be targeted by this asshole.

The man was telling us how having affairs with married women was a double blackmail. That both married cheaters in effect blackmailing each other and that they are less likely to spill the beans. Affairs are horrific ordeals for the families caught up in them. It appears cheaters have no conscience. Don’t understand the pain they’re inflicting. This asshole was telling us how he subtly held to ransom one of the married women he was having an affair with for one last sex session by insinuating to her that he would tell her husband. I said to him that was blackmail and that while the woman was equally at fault for having an affair his actions were despicable. I was so angry with him and after having had a few bourbons I was very close in knocking him out.

I think I’m losing faith in humanity when I come across assholes like this. I hope he is caught one day and some angry husband confronts him.

[This message edited by Mene at 7:19 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

Was he 6'4" and 280lbs, receding blonde hair? Yeah, that's my WH. Men like that are a special kind of disgusting. Most, if not All the OW in my case were married as well.

How did you not knock him out? I'm impressed.

And good for you for speaking up and laying your own boundaries down.

I was triggered, WhoTheBleep.

I was shaking at one stage. As victims of infidelity, this cuts deep for us.

I can look after myself and I would have sent him to hospital with a few punches, but that wouldn’t be good for my career. I’d rather vent my frustrations on this forum about that incident than spend time in jail thinking about it.

His brazen talk was so disgusting. This air of arrogance. That he could do what he does and beat his chest about it.

What also disgusted me were most of the men in the group were laughing about it. I thought to myself, I wonder how many of you would laugh had you found out he was cheating with your wife. I was thinking also that in the group of 12 of us, statistically some of these men probably have wives who are cheating on them or are cheaters themselves. It’s mind boggling.

I wonder how many of you would laugh had you found out he was cheating with your wife

Boom. That would have been golden if you mentioned that.

If it makes you feel any better. My WH was exactly the man you describe. He got away with it for a long time. Until he didn't. The only thing more important to him than ego kibbles from women, is money. And he's about to lose a shit load of it. (It's rightfully mine, but in his entitled abusive mind, he has told himself it's all his, and has been operating under this assumption.) Too bad. So sad.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:38 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

Good for you, WhoTheBleep.

He has to pay. Adults need to experience consequences for infidelity.

I thought to myself, I wonder how many of you would laugh had you found out he was cheating with your wife.

Oh man I would have loved to seen the looks on their faces if you had said that pot meet kettle.

Good for you for speaking out! I do the same. Sometimes people try to justify cheating in abusive M's and I remind them that cheating is also abusive especially when you get an STD.

i had one of those disgusting cheater men say to us that he only goes after M women.

he said: "they won't yell, they won't tell and they won't swell".

disgusting pieces of garbage. it's sickening thinking about these trollers destroying those lives is such profound ways. the innocent children who end up with their families torn apart. life long plans that go up in smoke.

incredible.

Mene, thank you for speaking up and saying something. Too often people just don't want to rock the boat, so bragging about bad behavior goes unchecked. Bless you.

I thought to myself, I wonder how many of you would laugh had you found out he was cheating with your wife.

Oh man I would have loved to seen the looks on their faces if you had said that pot meet kettle.

Unfortunately, I doubt they would believe it. How many of us were in disbelief (in the beginning) because we were in good marriages and our spouses would never cheat on us? Easier for many to remain in denial than admit your own husband or wife could do that to you.

ibonnie,

To this day I’m still shocked my wife cheated on me.

I will never forget the shock I got when I found out. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I’m still traumatised.

That’s why I was very close in sending this asshole to hospital with a few punches. The trauma is so intense I was on the verge of being violent with him. I can handle myself with decades of martial arts training and it took a lot of strength for me not to take him outside the venue and slap him a few times.

I did say to the friend who invited him along that if he ever turns up again to a boys night out, I will embarrass both of them, slap both of them and send them off crying.

I’m not a violent man, but I will not tolerate such behaviour again in my presence. I’m all for having men be boisterous and letting off steam in a controlled manner but not in this way where an idiot is chest thumping for cheating. That’s not what real men do.

[This message edited by Mene at 8:29 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

I was thinking also that in the group of 12 of us, statistically some of these men probably have wives who are cheating on them or are cheaters themselves

I would have said "statistically, 75% of marriages experience infidelity. There are 12 of us, that means 9 of us have, or will have, infidelity in our marriage. We know he's 1, so that means 7 others of us are going to cheat or be cheated on.... that's funny isn't it !" and got up and left. I would not have been able to "entertain" that man for five seconds. I'm sorry you had to deal with that!

Better then all the punches and sending him to hospital would be to find out his name. Search his info. Tell his wife.

I dont think he will be bragging for long after that.

I am going to do that. I’ve got his first name. Friend is being vague. Won’t give me the details. I think he has a fair idea what I want to do. I have to be careful that they don’t know I will do it.

To this day I’m still shocked my wife cheated on me.

I will never forget the shock I got when I found out. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I’m still traumatised.

Not to T/J too much, but yeah, same. I still have moments where I think, this can't be my life. Did this really all happen? I remember telling a good friend about being uncomfortable about his friendship with a coworker, and she flat out said, "Do you think he's cheating? Because that's what it sounds like," and I actually told her (and believed 100%) "No, we still have sex all the time."

But that was way before I knew or understood anything about affairs -- how it's a character problem, not a relationship problem, how FOO factor in (parents divorced, his dad married OW), KISA issues... all that fun stuff.

I genuinely thought that our sex life was great, and that my WH couldn't possibly be that stupid to throw me (and our kids) away to sleep with his gross AP.

I've known women who feel like this guy feels, they just play off their reasoning more so they don't look like the bad guy, despite being a cheating, homewrecking whore.

The OW in my case was on affair #9, targeted married men. All justvgross.

9th affair! She’s a sick woman.

How the hell are we supposed to take dating seriously after this shit when so many people around us are brazenly cheating? I still haven't been able to compartmentalize what I want (date a lovely, trustworthy woman) from what I know of the world (at least half the people out there are sharks who can't keep their parts in their sea-pants). It's almost as if we need to just suck it up and take a dive into the shark-infested waters and hope for the best.

I have zero tolerance to those who cheat. I just can’t sit there anymore and be in their company. They’re morally bankrupt assholes. Those who go out and cheat with married people should pay compensation to the families as they are victims.

The effect infidelity has had on me and my 3 children has been horrendous. I can’t for the life of me understand why someone would boast about having affairs with married women. It’s a sick person who does this as is the woman who consents to it knowing full well the destruction it will cause to all parties.

[This message edited by Mene at 10:38 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]