SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thumos, you’re a genuinely good guy. From what I’ve seen, you’ve handled betrayal much better than most. A helluva lot better than I handled it. You’ve maintained your dignity and character throughout this ordeal. You’ve carefully considered each step you’ve taken and aligned it with your morals. You’ve given your WW every conceivable opportunity to right her wrongs and she hasn’t been able to figure her shit out.

I can almost feel the relief in your last couple of posts. I won’t say I’m glad your marriage is ending, it’s a sad and terrible thing, but I’m glad you’re at peace with your decision. I have no doubt you’ll navigate the divorce process with grace too. FWIW, I’m a year older than you and I’m on the cusp of the same choice.

Thumos, I’m glad you’ve figured out how to move forward. It seems to me you’re simply reading the Last Rites and burying a dead M. I anticipate it’ll be a dignified process from your side.

One comment you made struck me and I wanted to say something about it:

As I said, I slept like a baby last night. She didn't. I hope that doesn't make me sound cold. I'm not reveling in this. I just feel sure of what I'm doing.

Often, we read about the WS sleeping like babies after D day while the BS stares at the ceiling, stews on the shit sandwich they been served, and wonders how the WS can sleep so easily when they’ve blown up their M. The role reversal you describe is in stark contrast to that, but I think it is insightful. People should really think about this as one of the actions that speaks louder than words.

Wishing you everything Thumos, wishing you everything......

I think that lightness and freedom comes largely from giving yourself the privilege to speak your heart's truth to your wife. It's huge, that level of raw honesty from you. I congratulate you on mustering up the Sisu to take that step.

I wonder if your wife will also find her raw honesty with you.

Tonight — about four hours ago — I told my wife definitively that I want a divorce.

Thumos, I'm sad it didn't work out, I genuinely am. I thought there might be hope, but I read every post you made on this thread, and I could tell that 4? years out, you are a profoundly unhappy man who has sought resolution and been denied.

I am one of those occasional posters who you might have thought was gently chiding you about making a decision. It wasn't about being on the "Divorce Now" train. It was frustration because I've been with someone who lived in her own tapestry of denial, and I knew then that life wasn't going to improve-- I had to either accept what I had been dealt or take action. I have felt that sense of "lethal flatness" as you call it. You have voiced that sensation of "doesn't it ever get any better than this?" very eloquently.

I wish you joy for perhaps the hardest part, coming to a decision. Limbo is a kind of agony that I wish on nobody. Wishing you Strength, Resolution and Integrity going forward, but you already have all of these..

Hey guys it was suggested that I let everyone here know I've moved over to the D/S section as I begin to work out the details of an amicable parting with my WW.

Here's the thread: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=647979

I can continue to post here and discuss things but did want everyone to know I'm transitioning over there.

ok

I have posted on another topic here and got some form of understanding. It was helpful.

I now have another issue and hope I have the correct topic.

It is a direct and blunt question. Not meant to insult anyone.

How do you get over your wife allowing her self and you marriage to be used as some sort of rutting bed for some asshole and then bring home to you? How did you forget that shit? It is like wiping you face with a rag after another man used it to clean his self after servicing you wife.

hollowhurt,

You're member here. You can open your own thread.

This thread was for Thumos. If you start your own thread, you'll get responses, guaranteed.

How do you get over your wife allowing her self and you marriage to be used as some sort of rutting bed for some asshole and then bring home to you? How did you forget that shit? It is like wiping you face with a rag after another man used it to clean his self after servicing you wife.

Sisoon recommended you start another thread and you should do that -- because you need help from people that can really chime in and give you perspective.

You sound very angry, and you SHOULD be angry. There’s nothing wrong with being angry. It’s righteous anger about unjust actions.

Don’t let it drive you to destructive behavior but don’t ignore it or swallow it either.

As Sissoon often says these emotions MUST be processed, dealt with and allowed to make their way through you. It’s uncomfortable and painful.

I can identify with your anger. my WW brought her AP into our home for sex. I feel violated by this and feel the sanctity of my home was violated, because of course these things WERE violated. No different really from a home invasion except it was one my WW arranged.

The short answer is you don’t get over it and you don’t forget it. It’s part of your life experience now. There’s a lot you can do to deal with it head on and handle it and others will have advice. Not knowing your situation I can only say that in my own experience when I made the decision to remove myself from limbo, forgiveness started to get easier, anger began to subside and I started to look forward to a new future.

[This message edited by Thumos at 2:31 PM, August 14th (Friday)]

Sisoon,

Thanks for the notice. I have no idea what I am doing with this posting thing.

Thumos,

I apologize, I have read some of your story understand now you are headed to divorce. I have been there. My 1st marriage ended about as ugly as one could. Compartmentalize everything. Sorry again for butting in.