SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You're on the rollercoaster of emotions. Mind all over the place. Very normal.

Typically everyone is in shock at this stage. Your numbness is a form of shock.

And, no, you don't have to make any huge decisions right now. Priority #1 is getting help for your daughter. Talk to an attorney tomorrow. Find out what your rights are and how to protect you and your kids.

And try to practice as much self care as possible. Hydrate, sleep, eat. Maybe even exercise, get out and take a walk.

[This message edited by squid at 5:49 PM, August 21st, 2019 (Wednesday)]

I get i need to help my daughter i honestly do but please tell me its ok to not have to make a decision yet on what I'm going to do.

IT'S OKAY TO NOT HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION YET ON WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO.

You have just found out. You need to regain your footing. It's okay to stop and catch your breath. As a matter of fact, it is recommended that you do NOT make a rash decision if (1) your husband is showing signs of change, and (2) you are not sure whether you want to leave or stay. But I strongly recommend that you keep the pressure on your husband, and DO NOT let him make any attempt to bully you around. If he is continuing with behavior prior to discovery, then it would be to your benefit to be looking to leave this relationship. No remorse=No safe partner.

It's definitely ok to take your time making a decision about your husband. As for your daughter get her into IC ASAP.

Glad you understand how serious this is with her.

Sorry you're in this nightmare.

I disagree. Your daughter needs a firm. This is not right. It’s not allowed.

IC doesn’t give this to a child. You have shown your daughter how to act.

The bull crap after adultery with the no remorseful husband is the most damaging. I know this and my children know this from life experiences.

Hi Rose,

For me it takes a special kind of WH/POSOW that does this right on your own doorstep, 1st where they're spouse/s are, 2nd where they're children are, & 3rd in the sanctuary of your home, this is meant to be your safe place!! Absolutely blows my mind when shitty people do this.

Yes you don't have to do anything straight away, however you do need answers before you know what to do,

did he actively seek her out?

did she actively seek him out?

was it the only time?

have they met up since?

Does the other BH know the depths they sunk to that night?

I can relate to being shit on by a 'so called friend' it happened to me 2 times in my 1st 15 yrs of my relationship, so trust me I know.

I Rug swept the whole experience many yrs ago, but believe me it came back to bite me on my ass.

Until you get to the bottom of this remember to take care of you & your children, get your DD the help she will need to process her feelings, Then look for an IC for yourself that deals with infidelity,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this shit storm,

none of us ask or want to be here,

having said that you are in the best place for help & support,

keep posting & stay strong.

((((Rose))))

You guys are amazing! Thankyoy all so much you've all helped my mindrhe last few days. X

You guys are amazing! Thankyoy all so much you've all helped my mindrhe last few days. X

You guys are amazing! Thankyoy all so much you've all helped my mindrhe last few days. X

The really bad news is that your WH has lied to you for 9 months and made your DD and you feel crazy. But the possible good news is that he might be able to salvage things if he comes completely clean NOW. Get “How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair” by Linda Macdonald, and both of you read it before your next discussion if possible. It is a short direct recipe-book for what a WS has to do if there is any chance to R.

You also might want to read Speedbump’s story in JFO, as there are a lot of similarities there, especially if this was an ongoing dare-devil affair that your WH was having with your friend.

Come and post as often as you like. We know what this pain is like.

[This message edited by Odonna at 6:54 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Sorry you are here Rosepetal2

I feel for you re your WH and former friend in the cat suit. What were they thinking?

You are going through a range of emotions, on a ride that we don’t like but can’t get off.

He has to step up to the plate and answer whatever you ask?

If you need every thought, feeling, position, sexual acts etc, then ask, however; once heard that can never be un heard. Please really think of why prior to asking.

You mind and emotions will be all over the place, so really take care of yourself, walk, drink lots of water, talk to family pets as they never give bad advice.

Please if you take one thing onboard that be ‘Don’t make any long term relationship decisions now. But seek legal advice for your location so you know entitlements.

Yes he is gaslighting you, his credibility is at a all time low. In fact probably no trust for him at all.

He is a pig, short and sweet.

Sorry you're here Rosepetal2.

If she had her costume down around her ankles and was bent over, they were getting ready to do the deed.