SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you allso much for your responses. I've been stupid but cant help how he makes me feel with his stories. Its gaslighting isnt it.

My teen discovered my WH affair. Please get your daughter IC ASAP! 2 years later and my teen is still scared. She is only recently showing glimmers of hope, but she is not the same. Her innocence was stolen from her.

Protect your daughter. Get help for her and yourself. IMHO - her first.

WH can extract his own head from his ass or not. And he's a flaming asshole for putting his daughter in that position and calling her a liar - doing his own fucking damage control and trampling on his own kid to do it.

You informed OBS which is good - but did you inform him that your daughter discovered it and what she saw? IMHO he needs to know that as well. That his wife's actions were witnessed by a pre-teenage girl.

Sadly, there are many of us here on SI who's children have been the ones to discover the affair. Please hear us - get your girl some help!

You have tough days ahead of you. Dealing with both your daughter and yourself.

Sending hugs, strength and sparkles.

Yes he knows my daughter saw his wife with her pants down. Just to clarify, my daughter didnt see them close to each other. Thank god!

The woman still says she didn't have her pants off and i get angry because my daughter is no way on earth lying. It took alot for her to tell me.

Ive not spoken a great deal to her about it, i thought it would be best to try not to since it happened, but do you think i should speak to her again. Not mention her dad kissing etc but just what she saw?

You don't have to take your pants down when you kiss where I come from. And bent over so your daughter only saw her ass. Bent over doing what? Hmmmm.

First thing is counselling for your daughter. A good child psychologist. IC for you, too.

Second thing. See a lawyer. Find out your legal situation. What happens with D (divorce). You don't have to make the decision to D or R (reconcile) yet. Just gather information. The information will give you power. Right now you need power.

I usually say to not make life altering decisions when emotional. That often means waiting 6 months or a year after a traumatic event. Depending on the jurisdiction you are in it takes quite a while to get divorced after you file for D. If you file for D you don't have to go all the way. There is plenty of time to watch the actions of your WH and for him to show you he is worthy of attempting R.

You've had good suggestions regarding what to do or expect from your WH. I say "wayward" regarding your husband because kissing (and it was more) is wayward behavior and is a PA (physical affair). Kissing is physical.

I'm sorry you have the need to be even searching for a web site like this. It is the best club no one ever wanted to join though. Stay here, spill your guts, cry, rant, rave. There may be a divergence of opinions but all want you to get out of adultery. In the end the choice will be yours about the path you choose and you will be supported.

Your poor daughter. Bad enough about the betrayal of you but for her to have witnessed the action is beyond words. Bless her for telling you.

I would take my daughter to a therapist and also inform the school. Seeing something that bad is going to affect her big time.

And the OW and your husband have been in a PA for a long while if they were ready to have sex in your own garage, with you next door. The more risks they take and the more they get away with by not getting caught, the more they will push the risk factor.

Absolutely terrible for your daughter though.

I think you need to contact an IC - a professional in this. Because if after she told you - and her father dismissed it - that girl is a ticking time bomb. This is a memory that will always be with her. That Daddy diddled another woman in her house and she walked in on them. AND...that Daddy called her a liar and Mommy did nothing.

R or D or Limbo - you all have to address this. You can't sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened.

Thankyou everyone.

He actually said last night that looking on forums is like looking at symptoms of illness online.

The more he says the more angry i get!

Do not show your husband this site.

Your poor child. She knows what she saw. She knows dad called her a liar. She knows the two of you are having problems because she told you what she saw.

If this ends in divorce, she will believe its because she told you the truth.

What he has done to your child is every bit as bad as what he has done to you. Maybe worse. Because, as a child, she is unable to process this. She will blame herself. He has set her up for a lifetime of pain.

He is unremorseful, abusive, and cruel.

Have you seen an attorney?

Look, you dont need him to admit to what you already know, to make a decision. He is a horrible husband, and a POS father. What you do now, will show your child what a woman should do when their husband is cheating liar. What example do you want to set? What would you want her to do?

I know. Its took a few days to get my head into whats actually happening i think. I will be speaking with mu daughter again. The kids dont know hes admitted kissing or that I've brought it up, we've been lucky that they've been at my mums since Sunday night because its our school summer holidays over here in the UK. She has a massive change ahead too as she goes to senior school from September up from juniors.

Yes, definitely talk to your daughter about it. It will help her a lot. Maybe with the guidance of a therapist but talk to her alone as well.

Your daughter needs to feel safe, she will have a ton of questions that needs answering for her to reach this safe stage again. She will not feel alone but will instead feel supported. She will not blame herself. She needs your support because as an 11 yrs old, she has no idea how to process seeing something like this. If it doesn't, she will internalize it and it will turn to depression or other crap behaviors because it will come out, one way or the other. Better to find a healthy way with her. Talk about her feelings, acknowledging that it was traumatic for her to see, that something like this should never had happened, what safeguards you have put in place so she's never on a position like this again. And please tell her time and time again that it was the OW and your husband's fault. She probably think she should not have been in the garage. Repeat to her again and again. It was fine for you to walk in your garage, I would have walked in the garage too because it's my house. Dad and Donna were wrong. They were wrong, not you. You can walk anywhere in your house. It was dad's fault and Donna. And hug her tight. A lot.

He actually said last night that looking on forums is like looking at symptoms of illness online.

I wonder what he'll think of you looking up solicitors online?

[This message edited by jb3199 at 8:43 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

Yeah he said its not reliable, a tad ironic for him to say that i think!

Hi, Rose, please do not tell him about this site.

It's your safe space.

Its gaslighting isnt it.

Yes. And abuse. And cruelty.

He actually said last night that looking on forums is like looking at symptoms of illness online.

Yeah, ok.

Where was your WH when OW was bent over in the garage? Since they were not "together" either they were done having sex or he heard the door open and he bolted.

I'm not in the counseling business. Anything I post is from common sense and from being around people who have required counseling for various reasons.

Don't speak to your daughter about this. Let the counselor do it. She might even be on the defensive because of the rejection by her father. She might change her story to protect him and to try to make him feel closer to her.

You're in the middle of a gigantic psychological trauma mess. Believe it. Talk to someone who deals with behavioral issues and get the right counselor your daughter can trust. Eggshells.

"My daughter didn't see them close together".

This really does NOT matter.

Imagine if you walked into any room and saw a woman with her clothes down to her ankles and your husband was there with her. Even if he was ten feet from her or on the other side of the room.

The village idiot can put two and two together.

In this case it wasn't you who saw this but your daughter.

In HER OWN HOME!!

Her OWN FATHER!!

With a woman she knows!!

Now throw in her father is calling her a liar?

I have to be blunt here WHY ARE YOU SO BLASÉ about this?

If not dealt with this could fuck your daughter up for the rest of her life!!!!

Put yourself in your daughters place.

Imagine walking in on them.

Imagine the traumatic thoughts racing through her mind as she left the garage.

Imagine the inner struggle in her mind whether or not she should tell you?????

Most kids in this situation do NOT want to blow up their world so they keep quiet and the inner turmoil destroys them.

Your EXTREMELY BRAVE AND COURAGOUS daughter did come tell you despite being SCARED as heck!!!

Now her father calls her a LIAR to protect his ASS!!!

How pathetic of a human being can you be??

This has to be THE WORST story I have ever read on SI.

What kind of man/parent/guardian throws their OWN child under the bus to protect their CHEATING LYING actions???

You know who does this (DID THIS).....YOUR PIECE OF SHIT HUSBAND!!!

And you're not pissed about this??

As Chaos has said get your daughter in IC ASAP!!!

This isn't about you or your H it's about your daughter and her well being.

Please for the love of God take action NOW!!!!

Your H should be kept away from your daughter as well.

Imagine the guilt she's feeling from this???

And he's making her feel this way!!!

I totally agree with Booyah. It's time to go all mama-bear on him. He is trying to destroy YOUR DAUGHTER! Bless her heart. She knows what she saw (and knew what her dad was doing is wrong) and her own father is calling her a liar. Who knows that kind of damage this may cause her? Please get her help. Assure her you believe her and that none of this is her fault. She is remarkably brave for telling you. Kudos to her. She needs your love, support, and protection. Is there a special person in her life (family member, grandmother, grandfather) she can confide in? Blow up his miserable little world.

You need to act immediately. Get your kids home, but tell him to get out first.

Otherwise, once the kids return, he will start working on her. He will gaslight her. He will punish her. He will tell her she needs to tell mom she lied, or the family will break up. He will put all of this on her shoulders.

She is at risk for depression. Anxiety. Suicide.

The way he is acting with you, will be directed at her as well.

Fuck that guy. Protect your child.

Gently, your hopeful heart desperately wanted to believe in a not-so-bad explanation, like just a kiss. But you know better.

As I understand “catsuits” that is a one piece costume, so the entire thing had to be peeled down for her pants to be down. Was she wearing underwear? Was she bending over to grab her pants to pull them up? Probably. And your WH probably had just jumped away from her. You should not interrogate your daughter over this, but listen to Chaos and get her in IC immediately. She needs a safe place to let all this out.

Since your former bf told your husband to “man up” and admit it, maybe meeting with her in person to tell her you need her to take her own advice so you can know the truth of your own life, and for the sake of your former love for each other will she please tell you everything. Have a VAR with you.

If that does not work and your WH continues to lie, demand a polygraph for him.

But do not rugsweep anymore. Do not give your precious daughter that role model as a wife and mother.

The daughter should be the only priority right now. Nothing else.

We are all worried because we know what this is going to do to her

Cutting,

Suicide

Promiscuity

I think once a child witness the sexual acts. (This is sexual). The best course of action is throw out the cheater). It empowers the child and reinforces the right from wrong.

Your daughter knows right. Reinforce what you have taught her.