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farsidejunky ( member #49392) posted at 4:56 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2020
Westway:
You are going to feel like you are drinking from a fire hose the first few months or so in BJJ.
One thing I can promise you, though.
All of the bullshit in life...stress...money...women...bills...your STBX...all of it goes away when you hit the mats.
BJJ, along with Muay Thai, has been a God send for me in times of strife.
“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”
-Maya Angelou
Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 5:19 AM on Saturday, January 11th, 2020
Same here, I teach Karate, Boxing, Self Defence, all disciplines help, focus, stress management and friends. Nothing beats rolling on the floor until a tap out,
Buffer
Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 2:47 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2020
Yes I went through my first class on Saturday. I got to experience my first arm bar. You assholes should have warned me. Feeeeeeuck that hurt. 
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 2:47 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2020
I'm going to enjoy immersing myself in a new discipline, and I plan on committing to it wholeheartedly.
[This message edited by Westway at 8:48 AM, January 13th (Monday)]
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
farsidejunky ( member #49392) posted at 3:07 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2020
Tap early and often.
Or...keep your elbows tight to your body so you can't be arm-barred to begin with...
😁
“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”
-Maya Angelou
Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 8:30 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
Just a quick update:
The divorce agreement is done. I didn't get everything I want, but I knew I wouldn't. We have both looked it over and are satisfied with moving forward. We sign Monday and then it's just a matter of waiting.
She sent me a text last night: "I do want you to know again that I'm sorry for everything. I know that doesn't mean anything now, but if you think our splitting up doesn't hurt me you are wrong. You were the best husband a woman could have. I do love you more than any man I've ever known, even if my actions didn't say that."
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
GoldenR ( member #54778) posted at 8:32 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 8:52 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
Words don’t mean much her actions on the other hand do.
No response needed.
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 9:05 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
I just want to say I respect what you did and how you approached it. Doesn’t mean it’s not hard to leave a person you love and even are in love with. You really had no alternative. From what you say, she couldn’t find a way to keep infidelity out of your relationship. Since that was the case, you took the only course out of an unlivable situation.
I wish you well in the future. I guess hearing the words from her are better than not hearing them. They may even be true. But they don’t make doing what you had to do any easier.
Good luck.
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
ramius ( member #44750) posted at 9:41 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
Her words make about as much sense as the adults do in Charlie Brown.
How many scars have you rationalized because you loved the person who was holding the knife?
Their actions reveal their intentions. Their words conceal them.
Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 9:48 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
IMO those words were entirely for her benefit to make herself feel better somehow.
You were in a very strong negotiating position.
Why did you have to make any concessions? btw: I'm not criticizing I'm trying to learn.
faithfulman ( member #66002) posted at 10:01 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
Maybe she did love you more than any other man.
Judging from her treatment of you, that doesn't mean much, and is a pretty low bar to clear for normal people.
KingofNothing ( member #71775) posted at 10:25 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
You were the best husband a woman could have. I do love you more than any man I've ever known, even if my actions didn't say that.
Well, gosh, she sure had a funny way of showing that. 
Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
----------------------------------
“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill
BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place
Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 11:09 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
If she loves you more than any man, I pity the fool she hates.
With friends like that, who needs enemas?
[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 5:10 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]
"The wicked man flees when no one chases."
Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 11:33 PM on Thursday, January 16th, 2020
I didn't answer her. What would be the point? It's over. I just want to move on and out of this marriage and forget the last couple of decades didn't happen.
The concessions I made were not much worse or different than what I offered her. She will get three years of spousal support instead of five, but I said bye to my share of the equity I put into the house. I get to keep my 401k and investments. We get 50/50 custody of our daughter. I will get her on weekends so her mom can pull trains on those days.
The ONLY good thing I can say is that she didn't rack up a bunch of debt. She kept it paid down so I wouldn't catch on. That, in a strange way is a positive. I know lots of guys who have to pay tens of thousands on credit card debts when they divorce.
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
survrus ( member #67698) posted at 12:05 AM on Friday, January 17th, 2020
WW,
You wrote, You were the best husband a woman could have. I do love you more than any man I've ever known, even if my actions didn't say that
Some of that I actually agree with, she does not love those other men they are more like sex toys.
She may have thought of her escapades as keeping her libido high so she could orgasm with you.
There is even a perverse kind of care for you in the great efforts she told to keep her two lives separate.
There is something more of the professional full time serial cheating man in her approach to her affairs.
In a sense she was acting in two soap operas at the same time.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 12:37 AM on Friday, January 17th, 2020
That's interesting, Westway. Supposedly I was the best thing that ever happened to my WW. Seems like a common theme. Doesn't make sense, does it? You can't make sense out of nonsense. You can't explain the unexplainable.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
NoOptTo ( member #62958) posted at 1:03 AM on Friday, January 17th, 2020
Your future is at your feet now. You have gotten through with most of the things you wanted. You leave this marriage knowing you kept your vows. Your dignity. Your self respect. Yes it stinks going through this Bull sh!t. You handled yourself well. Wish you the best in your journey to heal from her betrayal.
As the saying goes, as one jou6ends, another one begins. Life your life the best you can and show your DDs the way one should behave as grown ups.
marriageredux959 ( member #69375) posted at 1:23 AM on Friday, January 17th, 2020
Duplicate post
[This message edited by marriageredux959 at 7:27 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]
I was once a June bride.
I am now a June phoenix.
The phoenix is more powerful.
The Bride is Dead.
Long Live The Phoenix.
marriageredux959 ( member #69375) posted at 1:23 AM on Friday, January 17th, 2020
Duplicate post.
[This message edited by marriageredux959 at 7:29 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]
I was once a June bride.
I am now a June phoenix.
The phoenix is more powerful.
The Bride is Dead.
Long Live The Phoenix.
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