SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, this is my first wedding anniversary post dday (our 12th). It’s so weird to think that this will be the first anniversary he hasn’t been cheating on me (as far as I know). I look back on Facebook memories where I’ve posted happy anniversary to him year after year, and most of the time he didn’t even like the post. It was 2012 the last time he publicly said it back. I should have known. Another red flag I chose to ignore. Of course now I realize he had affair partner feelings to consider. He would tell me it had nothing to do with that, of course. I realize Facebook is not real life, but it still stings.

I see people posting about being a wreck on their first anniversary after discovery, and was really hoping to not be there. Now though at 125 in the morning on a day that should be special, I’m a wreck. I honestly just can’t wait for this day to be over.

I see pictures I posted of our wedding day, our first kiss as man and wife, me in my dream dress (red and beautiful), and instead of remembering love and joy, and I see a man who would cheat on me a short four months later. Some days I am not even sure why I’m still bothering. I held my vows and he couldn’t even make it a year. I have my reasons for staying and trying, but right now I just feel sad and stupid. I’m sure people who don’t know what’s going on will wish us a happy anniversary. I’ll smile and act like I’m ok.

On a positive note, I got an awesome raise this week, and a work bonus. I really felt like I was failing in all aspects of my life, including work, but my boss had very kind things to say about me and the work that I do. It’s nice to hear that I’m appreciated.

Anyway, no real point other than to try and let some of the sadness out. Luckily I’ll have work to distract me at least part of the day. Assuming of course I can stay awake after being up so late. Lol

You know what I did on my first anniversary post DDay2. When I finally said "Enough is a enough, we're done"?

I went to a comedy club doing open mic night with a bunch of my friends and I got up on stage. I told some jokes, including one or two tongue-in-cheek ex-wife jokes, and had a drink. Hardly even spoke to her that day.

I realize that it's different when you're trying to R. I am not. I'm trying to move on. I am sorry you're hurting... Waywards are some of the most cruelly oblivious people on the face of the planet.

I went to a comedy club doing open mic night with a bunch of my friends and I got up on stage.

I admire the courage it must have taken to do this. I can't even stand in front of a room of people and give a work presentation without freaking out. lol

IMO, one of the best healing activities is to feel some anger, grief, fear, and/or shame and let it go. It's a difficult, scary task, but it leads to good stuff - it leads to being able to open oneself up to pleasure again.

I think that's part of what goes on with anniversaries and antiversaries, if one lets it. Fighting the pain keeps it in. Feeling the pain lets it go.

Don't get me wrong. It takes a lot of feeling the pain before one feels the freedom. That's because so much pain comes with being betrayed. But letting the betrayal pain in is the way to get it out.

Happy(?) anniversary.

(((landclark))) - a hug if you'd like one

(((landclark))) anniversaries can be hard.

I understand.

Please hang in there.