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Well I haven't heard anything at all from my abandoning wife since Jan 11th and even that day was about as minimal as con be.

Oh sure she texted that she was sick, but since she's staying at another man's house while his wife is gone to another country for a month then what kind of madness is it for me to pretend that there's any kind of real civility going on where the typical showing of concern for her physical welfare would be the thing to say to her?

In her narcissistic mind, I am sure that she wants me to show concern but she cares very little for my well-being or the children's either as far as I can tell.

(As I was editing this, she sent a one way text to me for the first time in about 5 days about an eye exam with no option to discuss anything so I guess she felt that she was being called out online on here since she never posts anything of any consequence on here.)

[This message edited by Cephastion at 1:18 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]

I'm still just shocked she could up and leave her damn kids.

What kind of mother does that....

Dont show her any compassion. Just move forward. :)

I hardly know what to say...

I hate for myself and my poor kids to see how right ya'll are about their mother being such a total bitch that's consumed with herself and such disrespect for me and them and all manner of reason, but she is who she is, I guess.

I believe in people's ability to choose who and what they are and what they want to become on the inside, and to be better than the monsters that spawned them, if such was the case with their parents or FOO.

I am virtually NOTHING like the man who was supposed to play the role of a father to me in this life before he abused & abandoned my mom and me when I was 4, never really seeing him again because of the VERY necessary restraining order against him after that happened. But perhaps some part of me wanted a virtual reality version of him in my life to try to love and be loved by when I fell for my wife so long ago...Idk...

My daughter was so sick yesterday and last night. I almost took her to the hospital, but she didn't want to go there and her poor head and body finally responded to the medicine I gave her for relief of her splitting headache and other symptoms.

My son and daughter were both distraught over how alone we all were.

It's like the whole world is turned to shit. Our world certainly has where it regards having any real honest or compassionate people in the flesh being in it anymore, it seems.

I just never get a break from having new discoveries of seeing another fresh new example of how little people IRL care about anything but themselves anymore.

What in the hell happened to the world while I wasn't looking?

I'm not referring to the folks here on SI, btw, although I've had my moments where it felt somewhat that way on here as well even. But even in those instances, the feeling was only very temporary and never consistent across the board and for months or years on end.

We are all human and prone to certain shortcomings after all.

Very likely I have disappointed others on here and in real life in numerous different ways myself...

But betrayal and unfaithfulness and hate and contempt and absolute unwarranted disrespect and self-anarchy are not mere "shortcomings" or inevitable "human traits".

Lies and abandonment are not so natural to most people I don't believe.

I can't imagine what basis my wife has for living with another man under my objections while his wife is gone away to another foreign country, but she certainly doesn't give a shit about any form of real honesty or respect or accountability or faith in so doing even though she claims to be finally "coming to faith" more fully in the process.

Coming to faith in delusional self-indulgence/entitlement and faithlessness perhaps.

More power to ya, Babe.

This train is moving on.

The kids are certainly devastated, but at least we are pulling together in a very real way now that they see what they have for a mother and grandmother (MIL) etc.

I never wanted them to go thru what their mother went thru with her "mother" or what I went thru with my "dad" in terms of all out abandonment and betrayal. I can't understand why a woman wants that for her loving and faithful husband and kids!

It seems that the only kids she loves and cares for now are the older ones who have become just like her and her mother...and my biological "dad" who they never even met once before he died except for a single afternoon at a cafe with the usual false promises and happy-go-lucky, wayward-lying-style goodbyes said by him in our living room about 16 years ago.

I guess it really is time to move on and let her go. I never meant to marry a cloned, female version of my biological father or my mother in law. And I didn't ever want to have sex with or have kids with such a creature either.

This woman has certainly put you and your family through hell.

After reading everything, I think it is long past due for you to talk to a lawyer and get the hell out of this situation.

None of this is your fault. This is all on her. Circle the wagons and take care of yourself and the kids. She is no longer anything to worry about or even get a single thought too. She is just a lowlife scum. This woman has certainly put you and your family through hell.

After reading everything, I think it is long past due for you to talk to a lawyer and get the hell out of this situation.

None of this is your fault. This is all on her. Circle the wagons and take care of yourself and the kids. She is no longer anything to worry about or even get a single thought too. She is just a lowlife narsasitic scum. You certainly don’t deserve what she has put you through. And she sure as hell doesn’t deserve you!!!

Stop all communication with her, and tell her that you no longer will have ANY communication with her unless it is about the younger kids

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 6:31 AM, January 24th (Friday)]

I'm sorry I don't have more to say to help you. Very sorry to hear about your struggles.

I will say, all indications are that you are a strong person who has fought through and overcome struggles before. This one is very hard, but you have the strength to do so again. As you move forward, it will be easier. Not easy, but not as difficult.

Please do everything you can to protect yourself and your children. I wish you the best.

Find yourself a good counselor who can help you put you and your kids back in a better place.

You are the engineer of the family train and need to demonstrate that you will all be GREAT!!! Not today or tomorrow but one day. If you are sad and distraught they will be too. Encourage them to talk to you. But give them some strategies and tools to help them heal. And start recovering.

Cephastion,

I am sorry that you are going through this, I truly am. I am withholding some of my comments because I don't think you are any where close to be able to hear them.

I will say, You need to get into therapy.

You also need to stop trying to rationalize any of this. You can't, it won't work, understanding why she does what she does is very simply.

She is selfish and doesn't care about anyone but herself.

She has justified everything in your mind, her distorted reality is what you are trying to understand and unless you are in the the same delusion you won't be able to.

So stop trying.

It sounds like its over, so accept that its over. Don't pine about all the fucked up shit you are witnessing because it's all fucked up. You can't understand it so stop trying.

You can get through this, stop worrying about her and start working about yourself, read everything in the healing library.

Start journaling and putting all of your feelings down in front of you.

Take a walk and talk out loud to yourself.

Put yourself in the mindset that if one of your kids came to you with this exact situation, what would your advice be.

Its sucks, we have all been there. It gets better, it does, but it takes time and you keep poking the fresh wound of the betrayal to see if its really there and all that does is make it hurt worse.

Stay strong, don't drink, take a walk.

[This message edited by sorryforeverythi at 4:56 PM, January 24th (Friday)]

I feel for you with homeschooling and a farm/ranch you probably had plans to do this as a family and now it may seem like you have to do this alone. I hope you can find the support from neighbors and your school's coop to make it work out.

I don't know your details but this may help, I know a couple with a 5 acre farm and every spring they seem to have no problem getting an intern to help in exchange for board and food and access to a car.