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Dave: I didn't mean to sound as if I'm needling you. I wish you the best outcome possible in this shitty situation. Stay strong, and protect yourself and your family.

My heart goes out to you dude, I have been through this. After a lot of tears and soul searching before she came back from her trip. I knew what I had to do. For my own sanity I had her bags packed for her at the door. Because at the end of the day you can't control what your wife chooses to do, The only thing you have control over is what you are going to do, to ensure you have a good life no matter what she chooses. Listen to the people here, they like me have gone through this and know what they are talking about. Good luck to you....

Marauder

Except, he's still providing her a home, financial support, taking care of the children, doing what's "best for the family". He just has turned himself into a live-in servant, one who still shoulders all the responsibility of and obligations of a husband with none of the advantages.

So? How is any of that is fault?

He cannot legally make her leave the home that she has a 1/2 community property ownership of.

The children need to be taken care of regardless of the what their whore of a mom is doing. The Court is going to require him to maintain the house and his childrens' standard of living while the divorce is in process. So yes, it may require him to swallow every vestige of pride and self respect he has, while very likely being forced to watch her get dolled up and leave the house two or three nights a week to go fuck her AP. It happens sometimes, and there isn't a damn thing a married man in his position can do about it legally.

He doesn't have to be her servant. He has to maintain an abode for his children and himself, and she will benefit by living there by legal fiat. He doesn't have to interact with her, argue wit her, or have any interaction other than brief conversations about scheduling wit the kids and household logisitics.

In my situation that is what is going on with me. I am living in my house until the end of the year. I still have to see my WW every day, discuss scheduling around our daughter's activities and any issues having to do with upkeep and daily running of the household. That is all I allow her to ask me about. I don't talk about the divorce or our relationship. I don't engage in chit chat or meaningless chatter with her. I treat my WW like a piece of furniture. The OP should do the same.

[This message edited by Westway at 11:50 AM, December 19th (Thursday)]

@Westway

First of all his wife has NOT gone on her trip yet so right there it differs from your situation and this OM is in Maine so she’s not going to go fuck him three times a week unless she tries to grab the kids and run

And we all know he can’t legally throw her out and that the kids need to be fed. But he still has the opportunity to make it clear as day to her that she better be able to afford a lawyer and that he is not goingg to put his head between his legs and eat the shit sandwich peacefully .

She right now does not believe that because he actually at one point agreed to let her go have her fuckfest and that she could still have him playing the lick me game

He needs to ratchet up the consequences before she takes the final step

I said it earlier here and I'll say it again. I'd file before she left. Also I'd put right into the filing that I wanted the court to grant an order that said she could not take the kids out of state without my permission. Not only let her know that once she leaves the Marriage is over but if she had any ideas of moving to Maine and setting up house with my kids and the POSOM she better forget those right now. I would let her know right from the start that I was prepared to fight to keep my kids where I can see them as often as I could. You can get that granted I think and then it becomes part of the negotiation around the divorce but I'd establish that tone from day one.

I agree he should file for D NOW and protect his kids and make it crystal clear to her that the children will NOT move out of town, also to make consequences real for her should she go through with the sex vacation with POSOM.

@Westway

You seem to be missing a bunch of things. For one he actually AGREED to let her go at some point, hoping it would save his relationship. As of right now, there are no tangible consequences whatsoever. All he did was absolve her of any wrongdoings, any obligations, any consequences. He's still playing the part of a devoted husband.

She needs to understand that the moment she walks through that door, she isn't coming back through it. That he'll immediately file. Same for her abandoning the children, once she walks through that door that is exactly what she is doing.

He needs to ratchet up the consequences before she takes the final step

I agree. You are never going to nice a WS back into the M. Plus if she does do this despite his objections she has to understand that it means she will be divorced. No room for semantic misunderstandings.

She keeps pushing boundaries. If the line gets crosses and he moves it again then it just enables her behavior.

It needs to be 100% clear a trip to Maine equals D. No chances for reconciliation while she is still actively having an Affair.

I think his wife has made her decision clear. She has offered herself as the OM's present to be unwrapped when she get to Maine. And told him to buy condoms.

She talks about a doctors appointment in February where she intends to ask about birth control for herself. She makes it clear that she wants to continue a sexual relation with him.

If she goes to Maine or not is immaterial at this point. She has no intention of stopping the affair.

UberDave is left with nothing. He has little choice other than to file for D if he wants to maintain his self respect.

Dave hope you are keeping your head high despite all the adversity and doing your tasks like studies and other things even better. It is sexy especially in the eyes of WW who will (if she did what she is going to do)feel she has cheapen herself.

There is never a good time to go through this, but the holidays is the worst time of all. Everyone around you can be so happy, so it makes the low time seem even lower. The Christmas that it happened to me was the pits. I am happy to say I have had many joyful holidays since then.

I do recommend a few things to consider. If you are not exercising I highly recommend it. Exercise can help relieve the stress and makes for a healthier you. You stated you golf, that is good, it is a nice release. I would also state doing things with just you and the kids to start forming new traditions and get them use to what is about to happen. If you haven't already done so, open a new account in your name only and keep the joint account for bills.

Further I recommend that while she is gone you go through the house and document the joint items and develop a list of things that you want. Also consider what would be a good plan for visitation and discuss with her after she is served. The legal stuff is going to take awhile and may get messy at times. I recommend taking the high road as best you can, but you have to look after your best interests now and that of your children.

Uberdave-So did she end up going on the trip? Is there anything we can help you with? I hope you are ok? I

Uberdave-So did she end up going on the trip? Is there anything we can help you with? I hope you are ok.

[This message edited by sleepylove at 6:47 AM, December 26th (Thursday)]