SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Poor petunia. She wanted a career while you stayed home with the kids. All the things any 21st century woman would want. Equality in the workplace and home... except when it comes to paying alimony. Many "modern" women seem to have a problem with this. Funny isn't it?

She continues to tell you who she is, please listen to her actions/words. Do not allow cheap theatrics and her attempts shaming dissuade you from your rightful interests.

Protect yourself you may be surprised at what she really is capable of doing to achieve her objective.

[This message edited by blahblahblahe at 9:06 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]

Clockman, listen to what everyone here is telling you.

Your WW does not have your best interest in mind. She is trying to manipulate you about Men receiving alimony. No way did her IC agree with her that it was weak for you to receive alimony.

Time and again you fall prey to being the nice guy. Listen to Marz. In your petition, I'd ask for more than 50% of everything, and state that b/c you supported her while she grew her career, you are now at a disadvantage going back into the work force. IN addition, you should see 70-80% custody. You prove you were the caretaker and with your attorney fight for as much as you can.

After reading your last 4-5 post, its clear that your WW is only worried about her financial well being and lifestyle after the D. She should have thought about that before having an affair. Shes been hiding money, opening up accounts, trying to get you to back off asking for alimony, asking for your fair share of the equity in the house. She's throwing it in your face. Well, its time you throw it back in hers and say that you've given up a lot to stay at home. NOW SHE HAS TO PAY UP FOR THAT BENEFIT.

Please please please toughen up. YOu need to show your kids that you can stand up for yourself. If you are not already in IC, you probably need it. Also, I'd be working closely with the attorney, and let him/her do the talking. Right now, when I read your post, you're still not battle ready for the D. YOu need to strap those boots on, and your attorney needs to lead the charge.

Lastly, you need to engage in the NC 180. Just b/c you are in house separation doesn't mean you should engage. Stop talking to her, stop sleeping in the same bed as her. Take the downstairs room. Man up. You are projecting everything that is good and fair about you onto her, and that is not who she is. You should also never lie for her about her A, and the dissolution of your marriage. If you lie now, you cannot tell the truth later. Who is going to believe you? Why lie to your kids/friends and family. Tell them the truth, its not your problem or cross

Long overdue update...

I’m still in the home but have found a place to move to that will work for my daughters and I. The stbx and I have been in a state of fairly polite avoidance. We attended the mandatory parenting and divorce class and it was only very mildly helpful.

We still haven’t told the kids but with my impending departure from the home in approximately three weeks it’s time to do it. I brought this up with my WW tonight and asked if we could talk. She said she wasn’t in the mood and asked what I wanted to talk about. I mentioned getting on the same page with talking to the girls about what’s going to happen, the parenting plan, and how to best handle my transition from the home. I told her I’d like to let the girls know by the weekend so they could have time to wrap their brains around the idea of me leaving the home and all the changes to their world rather than me just moving out at the time of announcement. She then gave me the “why do you get to pick the time to tell them?!” lecture. She also informed me that she filed a parenting plan with her attorney and the state already without telling me. WTF! I told her I hadn’t seen what she drafted nor agreed to it so I’d be in touch with my attorney immediately. What was she thinking? I guess maybe she wants to go to court instead of reach an uncontested compromise?

I’m so ready to get some space from her...

[This message edited by Clockman at 9:49 PM, March 4th (Wednesday)]

Do not lie to your kids. Tell them in a sanitized way but don’t keep them in the dark. You don’t need her permission here. Did she get yours when filing the parenting plan?

If not you’ll regret it later.

[This message edited by Marz at 1:14 AM, March 5th (Thursday)]

Clockman, none of what you’ve written surprises any of the third party people reading this thread. Your STBXWW really is a shitty person who is not to be trusted. It’s the parable of the scorpion and the frog. Are you familiar with it? Google it if not.

You really need to talk to your lawyer and let him handle this going forward. She’s doesn’t give a damn about how you come out of this. She just wants you gone. The time for mediation may be over.

While these statements are hurtful they are also truthful, and hurting you is not my intent. I want you to see clearly so that you can make choices in the best interest of you and your kids. You are the injured party here, not your adulterous wife!

Clockman, your WW is showing you that she is selfish and everything is about her. No matter what you do, she is going to find a way to attack you and complain. Respect for trying to find a way to be cooperative, but she doesn't seem interested. Specifically, in this situation, your WW probably wants to put off the blowback as long as possible and pretend that it never happened. She knows there will be repercussions, but she doesn't want to face them.

I would suggest that in the future, don't waste your time discussing things with her. If you need to do something for yourself or your children, do so. Yes, you will need to co-parent, but not every decision needs to be made by both parents. From her ACTIONS, you can tell that she doesn't feel the need to consult YOU.

I'm sure you can see that you need to protect yourself in every way you can. I hope you are enacting the 180. The less you interact with her the better. She doesn't need to know your thoughts on things or your plans. She will likely use any information to manipulate you.

In some states, you are entitled to alimony during the process. Since she is so selfish, you may want to speak to your attorney about this and whether it would be best for you and the kids.

And, yeah, she may attempt to create a domestic abuse/assault situation if it will help her financially. WSs are selfish. Consistently.

Clockman, time and again your WW is working you. Start listening to the advice here. YOU NEED TO GO ON THE OFFENSIVE.

Your WW has control over everything. You don't ask her for permission, or need to consult her on anything. You guys are done. She's showing you she will do whats in her best interest. Why won't you do the same for you and your kid?

Ask for the Alimony buddy. Ask for majority custody DUDE. Its time to MAN UP. Can you not see we are all frustrated for you. Feel free to DM me.