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I have a doctor's appointment next week and am considering asking her for a mild anti-depressent to help me through this next phase of recovery. Our separation is looking to be a long one, and I have a lot of things to do (logistically, emotionally, etc.) that will take a lot of emotional energy. I barely have the energy to get out of bed every day.

For those folks here who have utilized this type of support, would you say you recommend it or not?

I feel I need the boost to move me through this next phase, but I fear it will mask my real feelings and my emotional progress.

I highly recommend meds. They kept me alive.

I went on antidepressants for about 6 months post Dday. The first meds didn't do anything for me so my Dr. switched me to another kind. It was a good tool for me at the time, it definitely helped. It's not a cure for healing (I still had a lot of emotional rollercoaster moments) but it helped me a lot during those times. I don't think it will mask your real feelings, those still come out. I had major depression and it helped me function a little bit better for my daily life. I say give it a shot but just know that with healing you have to go through it, not around. Antidepressants can be just one tool that can help you during this stage, it helped me a lot!

Thanks for these replies. My fear is that if I manage my moods through anti-depressants, it will give me a false sense that I have forgiven and that everything is ok now, when it isn't really and it's just the meds talking.

I white knuckled myself through multiple DDays (DDay1 was summer 2017). After DDay3 (fall 2018) - I ended up in ER 2x with panic attacks that felt like much much more. I finally realized I needed help. I was prescribed something mild and it has been a great help. I have been on it 6 months so far.

I no longer feel like I can't breathe and took a knife to the heart. I no longer am crippled by being overwhelmed. I can think and make decisions without feeling like I'm under a steamroller.

While the plan is not to remain on them indefinitely (and my Dr is aware - I won't alter anything without being Dr recommended), I am glad I finally admit I couldn't white knuckle through this anymore. I keep my regular apts with my Dr. and she and I discuss progress, feelings, etc.

I look at them as a bridge helping me get from point A to point B.

You do what you need to do to get you through.

If anything it helped me think a little clearer. The emotional feelings were still very much there but I was more alert daily.

Yes, absolutely. Meds are there for just these types of situations. I took a combination anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants. I am still alive because of them. The first batch impeded some sexual function, but they did help with my cardio. Wink, wink... my new ones are better. Some people thinks meds are sign of weakness. They are actually a sign of illness. I guess mental health still has some stigma attached to it.

I've lost interest in everything and everyone. I am gaining a pound a week and I need help in getting a grip on my emotional eating, my isolation, etc. Also, I cannot stop obsessing over what has happened and trying to wrap my head around it and seeking out answers, that I literally need help thinking about something else. Anything else. I cannot think about anything else.

But I don't want to be drugged into a false sense of forgiveness or that everything is ok now, when it's not. I don't want the antidepressants to skew or mask the truth of my emotional progress.

100% recommend it. I went from barely being able to get out of bed (which makes taking care of two little lids extremely difficult), and thinking I wpuld never be okay ever again, to realizing [maybe 2-3 weeks after starting sertraline (generic zoloft) that I wasn't okay now, but I would be okay again.

Take what you need to take to get through the difficult period. Do not rely on them for the long term.

I've always found it hard to admit when I need an SSRI. I tend to try to muscle through when suddenly I realize I'm suffering from pretty crippling anxiety.

But if you are on the fence, you may want to try other measures first. Maybe CBD oil? SSRIs can cause weight gain, so if part of what's depressing you is gaining weight right now, they may exacerbate that.

All that said, I lost a loved one to suicide, so I would say, always better to err on the side of caution.

Also highly recommend. I am on them for the 2nd time in my life. I would say that sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find something that not only works for you, but that you can tolerate the side effects. If you decide to give it a shot, do not give up, it takes some time to work out the best option for you. For me they help to level out my emotional swings so they are not so severe. I still feel both angry and sad, but I am able to avoid falling into that black pit of despair that I was in before. It helps you to rationalize much better. I also agree. In no way is this a sign of weakness. This is someone who recognizes they need some help to get better. Good luck!!

As someone who has used antidepressants on and off most of my adult life, let me reassure you: SSRI/SNRI's will not drug you into feeling forgiveness. Promise.

They increase the supply of seratonin (or seratonin and norepinephrine) to the brain. If you are lacking those due to clinical depression or situational trauma, they make you feel more normal. But they dont take your actual feelings away.

They help me let myself sleep. They help me remember to eat. They make it possible for me to use my CBT techniques to cope with intrusive or disordered thoughts. But they dont take them away. I dont feel drugged, and they certainly had no impact on any feelings about my husband's actions. They still hurt like hell, broke my heart, and destroyed my trust.

Now, i also took clonazepam when i was suicidal. It DID make me feel drugged. It DID make it so i didnt feel the pain as intently. It also made me sleep all day. But that was extremely short term and a crisis response, not a long term solution. And even then, forgiveness didnt enter into my mind. The pain after full disclosure day was unbearable and i was seeking a way to make it stop. Being drugged into numbness is almost never the goal of meds. It only was for me when the alternative was me killing myself. I was on that medication regularly for the two weeks following full disclosure, slowly decreasing my dose over that time. Now i have it as needed, almost never need it, and the smaller dose doesnt make me feel drugged, just relaxed, and only for the hours it is effective.

I needed a very low dosage of something to keep me from my Obsessive thoughts about the affair. The meds saved my brain.

But I don't want to be drugged into a false sense of forgiveness or that everything is ok now, when it's not. I don't want the antidepressants to skew or mask the truth of my emotional progress.

I don’t think the meds do that. The meds helped my mind not loop endlessly. They helped me pause before reacting. I was a real mess after D-Day 2. I just completely spun myself out, it didn’t help that my STBX wasn’t remorseful or would end his A. I eventually started to rage where I hit him on 2 occasions and attempted suicide. The meds saved my life. I prefer them now and do not like how I feel when off of them at least until I am fully stabilized, if it ever happens.

Great question. I've been thinking of the same and asking about meds. I don't think I'm clinically depressed but I am constantly obsessing trying to find more information about the affair. I've started to try meditation but it doesn't help as of yet.

Reconciliation has been really hard for me emotionally so I saw my doctor and he gave me Zoloft which is used to treat ptsd symptoms, it did help with the nightmares but it does have some side effects that I couldn’t live with. (Google for details). I am now on Wellbutrin and I find it helps, life doesn’t seem so dark all the time. It helps you to focus and function but it certainly doesn’t mask the trauma and pain or cause you to think you have forgiven when you haven’t. It has been a good thing for me.

A quick update here: I saw my doctor this week and asked for a prescription for Wellbutrin. I cried when I made my request, not because I felt weak for asking, or because I feel like a failure, but because things have gotten SO bad, that it has come to this. Day two and not feeling any better yet, but I know it takes a while to kick in.

Absolutely. I’ve always been on depression and anxiety meds.

I was diagnosed as manic depressive (bipolar basically) PTSD, anxiety and a few other things. They help me think clearly.

After his A came to light they gave me valium because I was not in a good place and contemplated suicide. I’m in a better place now and I know I have to take my meds now. Being without them is not a good thing for me.

I am glad you got some. Yes, they take a while to work. Usually months before you are at a therapeutic dose in my experience. They get you up there slowly because side effects are worse if you dont. And sadly, side effects begin before positive effects. They often go away in time, but make sure to communicate with your doctor about any you experience, because there are many options. If the first (or second, or third) isnt right for you, dont give up. It can take a while but finding the right antidepressant is life changing.

Dont feel bad it got this bad. Be proud of yourself for doing something proactive to make it get better, at the very moment you were at your worst. Its hard to do at the best of times, let alone after betrayal.