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Has anyone discussed this movie on here yet? I'm only an hour in and it's just so...real. And bleak. Warning for anyone in an emotionally triggered state, because woof is this movie a minefield. I'm going to finish it and come back.

**Spoiler alert. Don't read if you haven't seen it.**

I found it to be very real, almost like watching my own M. It was powerful, but I did not like how it ended. I felt it blamed the cheater almost entirely so should have been called Cheater's Story, not Marriage Story. He was a cheater, I just didn't think that's what the movie would focus on. I wanted to see if the M could be saved since they called it Marriage Story.

My H thinks the ending shows that the cheater changed and maybe, just maybe, they will get back together? Idk.

Sad movie.

It was a downer.

I haven't seen it. But a good friend has, and she told me it made her think of me, and that I should see it. She did say I might find it triggery.

If you are new or have unresolved issues with your spouse/marriage...DON'T. You will trigger. The exception, if your spouse is 'all in' but you suspect they still don't FULLY get it...watch it with them. A buddy whose story mimicks this but is in reconcilliation, watched this with his wife. It open up some scabs and puss poured out. They are working through things. Things they didn't know were still there. It's cathartic.

In a perfect world, this shows how cheating plays out:

Cocky cheater ends up with nothing.

Small BS finds self-esteem and ends up stronger than ever.

That part looked totally appropriate, a cautionary tale.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 1:47 PM, January 12th (Sunday)]

SPOILER ALERT

My H thinks the ending shows that the cheater changed and maybe, just maybe, they will get back together? Idk

I saw it totally differently: that she has fully moved on and created a new life for herself. And because he was being less selfish, she could drop her guard a bit.

I loved this movie. Sooooobbed.

Question about the movie: the woman who helps the husband set up the plants in the apartment - that is the same woman he cheated with, right?

Anyway. Loved the ending. I do hope Jennifer Jason Leigh is kicking ass.

I expected something a bit more nuanced. His character was a complete dick. Yes, he could be rakishly charming when he wanted to be, but he was mercenary with it.

I've wanted to talk about this movie ever since I watched it weeks ago! Loved it. Great story & acting. But my one criticism, especially for us BSs: I honestly didn't like that they had the H be a cheater. The marriage had substantial, real-life problems aside from the cheating. They did a great job representing the disparity of power and control within their marriage that the cheating seemed unnecessary and gratuitous. I feel like in movies, there's this unspoken rule that all marriages with cheating must end, and all marriages must include cheating to validate them ending. Life certainly differs.

[This message edited by GreenVelvet at 4:13 PM, January 12th (Sunday)]

I caught an interview with the director who refers to the movie as a different kind of love story. The two characters are learning how to love each other again in their new family roles of co-parents not husband and wife. They also seem to learn how to love themselves.

I completely agree that the cheating element was unnecessary, and really IMO a plot point thrown in so you don't completely hate Scarlett Johansson's character, since this movie was mostly Adam Driver getting shit on by the system for 2 hours. Yeah, he was wrapped up in himself and his career, but so was she. They were both lost in their own worlds and, as is standard practice, the kid was just collateral damage.

That fight between them was extremely relatable, but what resonated with me most, and what I was lucky to avoid in large part in my personal experience, was the Banality of Evil that is the legal system and cottage industry built around divorce, created to siphon as much money as possible from a tense situation between two people. The lawyers getting along just as easily as they litigate the case in court was a nice little reminder that they're not your friend. Watching the escalation of legal bullshit was really a gut punch.

^^^ Yes.

I honestly didn't like that they had the H be a cheater. The marriage had substantial, real-life problems aside from the cheating. They did a great job representing the disparity of power and control within their marriage that the cheating seemed unnecessary and gratuitous. I feel like in movies, there's this unspoken rule that all marriages with cheating must end, and all marriages must include cheating to validate them ending.

And yes!

This is why the cheating bugged me. It overshadowed some really interesting and complex marital issues and sort of . . . reduced them.

since this movie was mostly Adam Driver getting shit on by the system for 2 hours

We lawyers feel like watching "courtroom" scenes in movies is like eating broken glass. There is so much wrong with how the legal system is depicted. Lawyers testifying and bickering. Etc. Real courtrooms don't work like that.

I believe Noah Baumbach (sp?) based the movie on the ending of his marriage to jennifer Jason. Leigh, and that he met Greta Gerwig while he was shooting the last movie he made with his wife.

He and Gerwig didnt officially start their relationship until yeats later.

So maybe there is infidility in the movie because there was infidelity in the marriage.

And yes, the marital dynamics were so fascinating and complex.

I had gotten the sense in the movie that the marriage did not end because of infidelity. She wanted out for a lot of reasons, including that girl.

But i also think that for many people, leaving a marriage just because it is bad is hard and not all that socially acceptable. But leaving because of infidelity is ok.

The performances in this film were probably the best I've seen in any film. I loved that they layered in songs from Sondheim's show "Company" ( which is also about marriage and relationships. ) the writer/ director used film and theater to juxtapose and symbolize the characters and I loved the character development. It worked like a stage play. This film was excellent and multi layered. I loved it, but it was a difficult watch. The infidelity was not dealt with as much as I thought they should, but there was a lot going on.

The courtroom scene definitely seemed truncated and highly dramatized for effect. Going in, I thought that the big argument scene between the two at Adam Driver's apartment was a lot longer and I wish it were at least twice that. It hit all the major beats (blameshifting, going for the jugular, breakdown down, etc.) but we could've gotten 90 minutes of just that.

I find both characters intolerable in this movie. Normally every ounce of me wants to side with the WS, I call it a draw in awful behavior.

I thought it was really well acted. The scenes with the hole in the wall and the one where he cut his arm by accident were my favorite. I don’t think I breathed during either scene.

I think the scene that has stuck with me is him reading from her note at the end "and I'll never stop loving him". Meanwhile I got a fogged up icy mantis woman who threw me zero positivity and was more than happy to have me fuck off out of her life forever. We had no kids do there's nothing to tie us together, plus in the long run it worked out, but it does sting just a little bit even now that all that time we shared was so casually tossed in the trash. No "we didn't work out, but we'll always share that period of time we had". Just a lot of "you didn't give me what I wanted, I'ma ghost your ass" like I was some shitty Tinder date. I guess I'm not totally jaded by the notion of a true connection between lovers ever existing if I'm still hanging onto that little shred of hope that maybe two people could share such a notion, even if they divorce.

^^^ I can understand your feelings, AbandonedGuy. I'm sorry. I will say the movie sort of depicted the "perfect divorce," if there is such a thing. When they go Trick or Treating together at the end? Nope. Most don't get a D that looks like that at all.

Yeah, perfect in that they became amicable coparents, but oh boy was all that legal stuff nightmarish. I'm so glad we largely avoided that kind of escalation. I mean, if I had the means to do so at the time, I would've fallen into that spite trap to some degree myself and pissed away thousands, unnecessarily.

I bawled at the end of it. I felt so empty... just like my M. They captured the emotions perfectly when going through S/D. Just going through the process of separating has been traumatic.

Also I can't imagine the end scene ever happening. I can't ever see myself hanging out with the ex and the new love interest.