SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I should have brought this up. We only communicate through text. When she drops off or picks up my daughter she won’t even look at me. I’ve had the shortest conversations with her. I keep telling her we have a daughter to raise that we need to speak!!! Not sure how the 180 rule will work in this situation.

Google grey rocking and parallel parenting. No or limited contact is you’re only good path.

You are still stuck wanting to talk, trying to control a situation that is out of your control.

You can raise a child divorced but in this situation staying as far away from this mess is your best action. You have time with your daughter and she has hers. Nothing in between or together.

You don’t get it yet. You’ve got yourself stuck.

[This message edited by Marz at 3:37 PM, April 10th (Friday)]

My sister was a wayward. She never came back, never changed her wayward mindset. Stop looking for a miracle or magic and deal with reality.

[This message edited by Marz at 3:18 PM, April 7th (Tuesday)]

You text her questions or concerns about your daughter. Offer to discuss over the phone. Do not try to talk to her in person. Don't look at her. If she won't reply to texts, just do what you think is best if she doesn't respond. You can let her know ONCE that if she doesn't answer questions regarding your daughter, you will take that as her consent to do what you think is best. Make sure your contact with her about your daughter or finances is factual and absolutely necessary. Short. Not angry, but not chatty, few words as possible. Nothing says "you have no hold on me" like short as possible responses, delayed as long as possible. (Don't get right back to her unless it is an absolutely time-sensitive issue.) You aren't delaying to manipulate, but to train yourself to let go.

Others with more experience in this particular aspect of 180 will be along to give you great advice.

When you have her served with separation or divorce papers, you don't ask if she got them. You don't call to discuss them or what she thinks/feels. Let her talk to your lawyer.

This is past my area of expertise, but what does your lawyer say about her lack of responses concerning parenting? Can he handle that? Perhaps someone with experience with that will chime in.

I lived on hopium and “he’s willing to Reconcile” for 6 months.

It wasn’t until Dday2 when I told him I was as leaving him that I got my act together. Slept quite well after that.

Some times I will get responses to my texts. Other times I don’t. My attorney said we both need to go to co parenting classes, but my wife has refused. I’ve deployed the no contact now, sent her a schedule to follow. I will see how long it can go before she realizes she needs to talk to me about our daughter. It’s frustrating.

Child custody is normally gonna be 50/50. His attorney has already stated he has no control over her end.

Co parenting classes are sometimes required/mandatory but it depends on your area.

From what I’ve seen you can only control your end and your time.

Chasing them they move farther away. I suspect that’ll continue. A lot in these situations cannot/will not stop.

It is your own choice whether to keep yourself tied up in this or not. Currently that’s all you’re doing.

I get it. It’s not fair, etc. it’s not right. Sometimes thats life. Deal with the reality or wallow in it. There’s not much of a choice in these things.

[This message edited by Marz at 4:33 PM, April 7th (Tuesday)]

Your right. I’m not chasing anymore. It took me a long time to get to this point. This forum has actually helped me more than anything I have tried for myself up to this point.

Five, sorry your here. Can you answer this question? I last thought that VA was an AT FAULT STATE? If so, why isnt your lawyer pushing the threat of at fault to get you a better outcome in the D process?

Because getting and actual D drops the no contact with boyfriends or girlfriends for my daughter. It’s in my best interest to stay married with our current custody order. I can only hope her fantasy blows up in her face. If it doesn’t by the time D comes, then I’m not sure what actions I will take.

Now you guys see the crappy situation I am in. Why can’t my wife wake up and realize this is absolutely the worst thing you can do to your daughter and husband!!! I don’t get it!!!

I won't keep posting because I think they're people on here with direct experience re: parenting concurrent with 180 who are a wealth if info, but I will add 2 more things:

Read everything you can about the 180. Consider creating a new post regarding it and parenting.

Think in terms of action instead of communication. That is part of detachment. As in sending her a schedule. Instead of asking her again or waiting for her to take charge. That was good.

Ex: If she doesn't respond about taking daughter while you're working, arrange for her to stay at a trusted friend/neighbor's house. If WW decides she wants to take daughter instead, after you've already arranged it, you say, "Already made arrangements. Please communicate sooner next time." If she complains or makes excuses, she gets crickets from you. If she apologizes, she still gets crickets. If she wants to get daughter at a certain time, she will learn to pay attention to your texts and communicate. See what I'm saying? And you DON'T, under any circumstances, try to guilt, show anger or grief, sadness, and especially not concern for WE emotions in front of her or daughter. You are a wall. She is no longer in your inner circle.

[This message edited by RosesandThorns at 6:11 PM, April 7th (Tuesday)]

Sorry, that should say *WW emotion*. (Autocorrect.) Take care, Five.

When you have her served with separation or divorce papers, you don't ask if she got them. You don't call to discuss them or what she thinks/feels. Let her talk to your lawyer.

So, when I first went to the attorney, I called my wife and said I had separation papers to sign. She came home, singed it without even looking at it and walked out. I could have drawn up anything at that point. I have never known her to make poor decisions, EVER. That woke me up to wonder if she is having a mental problem. But she continues the affair currently.

I hope you got a great deal. This is actually in your favor. While she is in Never-Never Land with Peter Pan, you should be getting everything for you and your daughter.

Listen, I know your heart is broken. Everybody here has had a broken heart. We get it. There is no worse pain.

But, there is only one way out of this. Do not hold on to hope. Move on as if she died of the virus.

Its the only thing you can do. You have to rebuild. You have to show her strength.

There are a million women out there looking for someone like you.

So, when I first went to the attorney, I called my wife and said I had separation papers to sign. She came home, singed it without even looking at it and walked out. I could have drawn up anything at that point. I have never known her to make poor decisions, EVER. That woke me up to wonder if she is having a mental problem. But she continues the affair currently.

It sounds like you’re still stuck in the ” this can’t be my wife” excuse phase. She wouldn’t do this. But she is isn’t she?

Take full advantage if she’ll sign anything.

Maybe spend some time researching narcissists. Give a real try.

Many disregard it. Then later realize. That was me.

Yes I researched narcissist. My wife is 100 percent one. A lot of the things in my past now makes sense. A lot of my friends said I just never noticed, I guess because I was in love.