SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Please take care of yourself, you’ve been dealt a hard blow.

I have kept in touch with a “friend” from way back even though she cheated and left her husband for her former school love. Part of me knows I keep in touch because I want an inside look at the cheater mentality. When one of her daughters caught the Facebook conversations between her mom and the ex boyfriend, once confronted she packed up and moved in with the guy.

From her constant social media postings you would think her life was better than before. I know the truth. She posts pics of her daughters while encouraging them on. She steals the pics of her daughters from her daughters’ own social media posts. She has been living with the old school sweetheart for 10 years. Her daughters do not come to their apartment. Unless he is not there. The guy treats her like shit, even tho she is always posting pics of him or them together.

It has gotten to the point she does mental gymnastics. She is obsessed with his ex wife. She has convinced herself the ex wants her boyfriend back and she is winning (she gets the loser). From what I see the boyfriends ex is happy and does not engage with the loser father of her own children. He barely talks to his own kids and if their mother reaches out to let their dad know about the one child’s health issues (the daughter has cancer) my “friend” goes on for weeks about how it’s a ploy to steal her loser boyfriend back. She is constantly trying to convince herself other women (exes) are trying to get with him and she is constantly doing all she can to keep him.

My “friend” is broken. She is obsessed and she admits initially it was that childhood attraction. Once the newness died down she had to post constantly this made up fantastic life. Who is she really trying to convince? Her life is now thinking about how she looks to others. There is no substance to her, she has no hobbies. She just lives for the likes. My friend also avoided her husband. The shame of what she did she could not face. She compartmentalizes. Pushes it way way down.

Only your wayward can fix herself, it’s not your job. You have been traumatized and you need to take care of you and your daughter. Her daughters are okay. They didn’t want a broken home but they are doing so well now as adults.

I have kept in touch with a “friend” from way back even though she cheated and left her husband for her former school love.

She has been living with the old school sweetheart for 10 years.

They always come back is a myth. The quicker you wake up and deal with reality the better off you’ll be.

Not all marriages can or should be saved.

Why can’t my wife wake up and realize this is absolutely the worst thing you can do to your daughter and husband!!!

You can't change your W.

D – Don’t

E – Even

T – Think

A – About

C – Changing

H – Her.

Gently, right now you're in limbo, neither Married nor Divorced nor in R. This may be very confusing for your kids.

You say it's best for you and for them. You may be wrong. I know my 9 year old GS was devastated by hie parents' D - but he's much better off than before the D.

That story is pretty much what happened to my wife as a kid. And she has no communication with her mother. I tried warning her a hundred times that the same thing will happen to her and she will end up alone. I shake my head.

FOO issues can run deep. That’s nothing you can fix.

Yes I researched narcissist. My wife is 100 percent one.

If this is fairly clear to you now, then it is time to work on yourself and your acceptance of an entrenched, permanent personality disorder.

Narcissists cannot and do not change. They live their lives like emotional vampires, taking and taking until their victim is bloodless and used up, and then they move on to a new victim. The cold, cruel, and totally emotionally detached manner in which they interact with their discarded partners is actually frightening to see. We've talked about the deadness in their eyes. You must research and learn about narcissism to get yourself to stop hoping and imagining that she can ever be different; she can't. The other her was a mask, an Academy Award winning act. This ice cold person is her, and you must accept this truth. Put all of your energy into you now.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 6:44 AM, April 14th (Tuesday)]

Five.

Are you saying believehalf’s story happened to your wife?

That makes this even worse if that is the case.

So sorry for you!!!!

Yes my story is traumatic. I think about it constantly. I can’t stop thinking about the loss of my family. I am a family man. I’m stuck in my house waiting for it to sell, but with the whole covid thing, nobody is buying. I’ve tried the gym, hiking, counseling, ect. Nothing seems to get my mind off it. Do you guys have any other suggestions?

Yes. My suggestion is to spend time reading other bs stories. You will see that over time they come to accept reality and move on. Some R and some D but they almost all get better. I have a relative who goes to AA and he told me to change the wording if I don’t want to use this as a prayer.

I want to have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

You will find your wisdom. It will take some time but folks on here are with you.