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ShutterHappy ( member #64318) posted at 10:58 AM on Wednesday, April 29th, 2020
She says she thinks I'll never be able to trust her again.
When you mess up, you own it and make things right.
A child is too excited, bump a glass of milk, spill it and make a mess. The child cries. Mommy comes to the rescue, "don’t cry dear, I’ll clean it up for you".
A child is too excited, bump a glass of milk, spill it and make a mess. The child cries. Mommy Tells her child, "the paper towel is on the counter. Clean the mess and Next time be more careful ".
I suspect I know what kind of parents your WW had.
[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 4:59 AM, April 29th (Wednesday)]
Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good
rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 2:16 PM on Wednesday, April 29th, 2020
She's a wreck. She's probably is suffering from depression to begin with and then made a series of bad choices and decided to end your M.
Do what you can for her but your M is over.
Plan it that way.
It's all on her and there are more dark days coming for her. You might not be able to change that.
R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:15 PM on Wednesday, April 29th, 2020
Depression is not an excuse. Your dog died is not an excuse. Your parents are ill is not an excuse. It rained two days in a not is not an excuse.
The only thing the cheater can say is “I made the choice to cheat. It’s my fault.”
Period.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
brokendad19 (original poster member #72531) posted at 7:09 PM on Wednesday, April 29th, 2020
Funny thing (well not really haha funny) is she hated cheaters. Would jokingly threaten me if I ever cheated. We always agreed to say something if the other was not happy or thinking about cheating.
[This message edited by brokendad19 at 3:15 PM, April 29th (Wednesday)]
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 7:35 PM on Wednesday, April 29th, 2020
So if you are not going to attempt to rebuild, what is the plan to D and move on with your life?
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 7:41 PM on Wednesday, April 29th, 2020
Yeah, my STBXWW was always super jealous. Now u know it was projection. The shot you learn after Dday.
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
TheGuy123 ( member #59235) posted at 4:41 AM on Thursday, April 30th, 2020
Let me help you translate ( having been around )….
"you will never trust me again" = don't trust me. I'm still having an affair. I'll do it again.
"if you ever cheat" = you are cheating, everyone is cheating, I'm cheating too.
{cry} = someone will feel sorry for me and my shytty behavior, but don't cry in front of my boyfriend.
Face it she is only crying in front you and other folks that don't care for her choices. Make no mistake, she acts totally different when she is around those that approve of the A..
These couple of translation come straight from the cheater's hand book.
Your old lady may not know it but she is reading right from the cheaters script.
Check out the Healing Library on this site. Make a plan and work your plan.
Sorry you're here, but it does get better when you work the 180.
[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 11:05 PM, April 29th (Wednesday)]
Once both spouses just stop caring...anything can happen and usually does.
brokendad19 (original poster member #72531) posted at 5:42 AM on Thursday, April 30th, 2020
Theguy123, what you said really hits the mark. It's pretty much exactly what I've been feeling. Is there anything you specific in the healing library you recommend? Between covid and the kids I feel like my life is still on hold.
Katieing ( new member #72290) posted at 6:13 AM on Thursday, April 30th, 2020
There is no right answer and being “locked up” with that person now; shows neither of you are happy. Take a break or have her take one. If you are like me you cannot think or see straight now.,you go through I’m leaving that person To I can’t live without them to I’ll wait to whatever. No need to be hasty but know what YOU want and assert yourself. Put them out of your mind and think about you. If you don’t respect yourself no one else will especially a cheating spouse significant other or whomever.,it hurts you’re sad and you’re guts are ripped out. But YOU need a life.
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 2:17 PM on Thursday, April 30th, 2020
Why leave it on hold? If R is out of the question, why not call a few lawyers, select one, get informed, and get the process started.
Just because you can’t go out doesn’t mean you can’t start the process to get out of Limbo.
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
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