SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

No. I'd rather not, by choice, continue to run on this hamster wheel when I don't have to.

No, I don’t regret divorcing my XWW. I do regret waiting so long to do so though!

No regrets regarding the divorce. Also wish I would have done it sooner, but I think I am a better person because of all the work I did while attempting R. If I would have divorced immediately and still done all the work, that would have been perfect.

The only thing I regret is that I took some colossally bad but oft given advice, wait 6 months before you make a decision (although I only ended up waiting 4), and didn't make the move right away. There was nothing to salvage, and by waiting, I only prolonged my own suffering. My life is so much better now that I don't share it with someone who cheated on me.

[This message edited by h0peless at 2:23 AM, May 30th (Saturday)]

Ten years after our divorce I saw my wife of 30 years at a family reunion. She walked over to me and asked if we had ever met.

To understand that question you need to understand that my ex-wife has a capacity for repressing unpleasant memories that is second to none.

Before that, I had few regrets about divorcing. After that I had no regrets.

Best decision I ever made.

None of the fears that were this Rattling around in my head came true. Not even close!!!! All fears were completely unfounded

Be strong, and take one step at a time

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 10:18 AM, May 30th (Saturday)]

so.

to summarize:

out of 3,472 divorcees on survivinginfidelity.com 3,472 were glad they divorced

or to put it another way:

out of 3,472 divorcees on survivinginfidelity.com, 0 regretted divorcing

I regret waiting so long for her to come around.

Divorce was the best thing and if I knew it was this good on the other side I would have been divorce a lot sooner.

I regret that this is where I am. But false R was hell. And looking back and knowing my own personality, I really doubt that even if he could have been the model WS and done everything right, I would have never been able to let it go. I can be like a dog with a bone and I would have had anger and resentment and that would have killed any real R. So I think now it was always a deal breaker, whether I wanted it to be or not.

I do regret I did the pick-me dance, waffled for a year when he was clearly not “all in” with me. That has damaged me as much as his betrayal. I betrayed my self, in a sense.

So no, no regrets on D. It was the only way out of infidelity and into healthiness for me.

Absolutely not. Best thing that I could have done. Made me reevaluate my life and gave me a second chance to make things how I wanted. I've been divorced for 8 years and can't believe how wonderful life is.

At the time, I thought I was married to my best friend, contemplated suicide because life wasn't worth living without him, and almost gave him a chance at R (I would have had he signed a post-nup).

I didn't know life could be this good.

In the beginning I was feeling like a failure. I had both messages from loved ones " your doing the right thing"to "why not keep trying. Did you nag him?" So I was a mess. Later though, I KNEW in my bones it was the best decision. Still is.

No regrets! I think sometimes about being friendly with him just because he has been pretty good in divorce but I think because I was with him fo 30 years I am probably still susceptible to being manipulated by him so I keep away.

the general rule is that when queried 12 months after divorce is final the vast majority admit that they could (and should) have done more to save the marriage and about half regret divorcing

I’d be curious to know how many of those regretting the divorce are the cheating spouses.

My guess is it's mostly the cheating half that regret it. Yeah, the generic divorce questionnaires include both cheaters and non-cheaters so that has to be considered when we hear those kind of results. I do find the 18 month mark interesting though. My cheater and OW split at around that time. Now he has been married to new wife about that long----- should be interesting.

While not a poll, the lopsidedness of the answers can't be ignored.

Seekers:

"why not keep trying. Did you nag him?"

Ha. They just don't know any better. So did they mean nagging has some sort of connection that forced him into betrayal, or if you would only nag more, he would quit betraying? Either way-----

Thanks, everyone, and bless you OP for the question.

I filed in December and am separated and in limbo now while WH drags it out. I was having a hard day, grief-wise, and you had some really great points that are helping me: think about what your R attempt was like (WH: "I will do anything to R, but you must first dance for me!" and imagine your future marriage with WS (Me: the dog with the resentment bone, still not dancing WH: pouting, having a second A around menopause time at the latest).

So, still in grief mode, but feeling stronger thanks to all the amazing people at SI.

While I was still in the fog and not wanting to file for divorce, but knew I deserved better... it helped me to know that we could always get back together in the future. If the work was done. I actually did get back together with XH about 6 months after the divorce and it lasted about a year before I found out he was back in touch with OW.

My lawyer told me that he knew a couple who got married and divorced 3 times.

After all the maneuvering and the final divorce, it was very simply the best thing that ever happened to me.

While not a poll, the lopsidedness of the answers can't be ignored.

If you're talking about the question posed in this thread, it's a question that is far from neutral. It almost begs one answer: no regret.

ETA: For the record, I do think that D is the best choice for many BSes. If the A is too big an insult to your values, D is a great choice. If your WS isn't remorseful, D is a great choice. If you look at your WS and realize you don't want to spend the rest of your life together, D is a great choice.

It's just that you're not going to find many SIers who regret getting D'ed.

*****

If you choose R, you have to deal with a lot of 'sort of' even in the best of relationships.

D has a lot of aspects that are binary - yes or no. The old M is really dead - it's 'off.'

But if you form a new relationship, then you're back to dealing with the 'sort of' - just with other people, not with your fWS.

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:52 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday)]

But if you form a new relationship, then you're back to dealing with the 'sort of' - just with other people, not with your fWS.

I knew it! Happiness lies in staying single.