SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

ct528

TheLostOne2020 - thanks for the replies. Yes, he goes to an age management clinic that is a concierge service and never saw an actual dr.

I thought so. He's probably paying between 3-6k a year for that, meanwhile I pay $30 for monthly testosterone.

He tried to get testosterone from 2 other doctors who wouldn’t prescribe it bc he didn’t test low enough.

Well, if he drops the test and waits 4 weeks for it to get out of his system he will test low enough. He's essentially stopped his natural production.

He stopped the peptides bc he felt it was altering his brain chemistry on top of the psychotropics. He was only on them to get bigger muscles.

I don't think that's true - I mean, hormones can make you more on edge but they aren't going to take control of you. Is he competing or something? The testosterone alone is enough to give you bigger muscles. I figured the hgh was to help him with his injuries - which it would actually help.

His actions reminded me of decisions a 20 year old would make, so if the peptide was making his body producing growth hormones at the level of a 20 year old, it seems possible it impacted his maturity in decision making and risk taking. ??

Yeah, the testosterone would make you a little more confident, more sexual, etc. The peptides? Not really. Was he taking any other testosterone bases - like maybe proviron?

I want him to get off the testosterone too but can be a little patient instead of going cold turkey off everything all at once.

If you do that he's going to have issues with his sexual desire and performance. Just FYI. I don't know if that matters to you at the moment though.

On the no sex thing, he has fully admitted he wanted to have sex with her and tried to have sex with her at the hotel but said she stopped him from getting in her pants. He said she was only there for 10-15 minutes and her “serious boyfriend” called her phone while she was there. He also admitted he made another hotel reservation for them, and said she cancelled on him.

Have you told the AP's boyfriend?

It's possible nothing happened. I don't believe cheaters though.

TheLostOne2020 - no, I didn’t contact the boyfriend. The only thing I could find for him was a FB page that hasn’t been updated since 2017.

I'd go through the FB route. He'd probably get an alert. If nothing else you gave it an effort.

Sorry you’re dealing with this. II thought it was interesting you mentioned the assistant working in his office for years and being aware of the crush. I was sort of aware of interest from my COW and it slowly created the attraction in me that wasn’t there first - as my EA was of course about me and my issues and not my H, and the kibbles I got from the boost of being wanted.

I think it's normal to make comparisons, especially in the beginning.

I got "lucky" in this regard. I was in the best shape of my life during WH's affair. I had just completed and placed in two power lifting competitions, and was literally in the middle of training to complete a Spartan (which I did a few weeks after the affair apparently ended). And I'm not naturally lean, so I had (still do and always will) have boobs and a butt, and I like it that way. I like looking like a woman instead of girl. And I had five babies in ten years, so there have been plenty of squishy years. But I will say, WH has never said or outwardly taken issue with my body in all that time (and there's definitely been reason), and he loved me through all the squishy years, so there's that.

I'm still trying to figure out if this is mental gymnastics on my part, but I find some comfort in the fact that his AP and I could be sisters. It's freaky. She's 4-5 years younger, no kids so a little leaner, and and she's definitely not as curvy. But we're both tall, have medium olive skin, dark hair, big smile, long face and nose. Even our eye color is the same. She's pretty... not gorgeous, but not hideous, either. So of course there was some attraction. He definitely has a type. Had he gone for something completely different, I think I would be making more comparisons. But there's no taking away the self confidence and health I had then and now for myself with the work I put in for my own while caring for our kids and managing our life. That's where I take more issue. I work HARD, and have for many, many years, and have admittedly taken on more than I should have to try and make things easier for him, because he works hard, too. But I feel furious that he took advantage.

So bottom line, I'm not threatened by her in any regard. I could run circles around her intellectually, physically, and emotionally. Her lack of character, morals, and self-confidence speak more to me that she's not someone I would aspire to be or encourage my children to hold in high regard.

[This message edited by marvelousdarling at 10:32 AM, May 30th (Saturday)]

marvelousdarling

I had just completed and placed in two power lifting competitions,

Holy shit, that's awesome! What's your S/D/B?

But there's no taking away the self confidence and health I had then and now for myself with the work I put in for my own while caring for our kids and managing our life.

I have to say with all that you had accomplished, it's very impressive.

Her lack of character, morals, and self-confidence speak more to me that she's not someone I would aspire to be or encourage my children to hold in high regard.

Exactly.

TheLostOne

Holy shit, that's awesome! What's your S/D/B?

Thank you! My memberships is with RAW and do strict curl instead of squat b/c of hip issues, so I do C/D/B: 32.5/137.5/65.

It's been a couple of years, I'd love to get back in it.

STBX WH was attracted to exAP as IT was the opposite of me. WH was never looking for someone to love.

AP was vulgar in every way and worked in the Vanity industry where all faces and bodies are fake.

AP experimented and tried all sorts of treatments on WH’s face. They were both also taking all sorts of injectables especially anabolic steroids together. They both needed viagra just to be able to perform. As a couple they were perfectly disgusting together.

WH looked worse than ever before by the time the A ended. He had become a laughing stock among his friends, not to mention the serious damage he has done to himself.

WH never ever had to try that hard to impress me. But in the AP he had thought he found his fountain of youth.

Physically, emotionally and mentally the AP is the opposite of me. She was intensely jealous as WH told IT, that I was a natural beauty. The superficial doesn’t last very long.

Don’t ever compare yourself to THAT. I am past middle age and I am content with my body and the way it has changed with the years. I am proud of my baby scars and proud that I got to this age without resorting to any painful damaging treatments.

Don’t allow the OW into your head. All your H speaks about is the superficial. Mine too saw the AP in the glaring morning sunlight and IT wasn’t pretty. They were crawling around in the darkness of the sewer system until then.

Thanks again for the insightful replies. Had a talk with WS about his prior comments to me and my issues with him cheating with a thick girl if he thought I was letting myself go at 104 lbs. I asked if OW was the biggest woman he had been with, and he thought about it and admitted she was. He said that it was hard for him to admit that he risked everything that matters for someone who was so far below his standards. I actually felt a lot better that he came to that realization without me leading him there. I feel like it is significant that he independently acknowledged that he “affaired down.” He also admitted he was just trying to be mean and hurt me with his negative comments about my body and that they weren’t true. He was in a bad place mentally and somehow blaming me even though he knows now there was no justification for it. We have a long way to go but I feel hopeful that we are moving in the right direction.

That's some progress, ct. Hopefully, it will continue.

I'm curious. Is this your 2nd time with a cheater? I see you registered on this site in 2009, but your tag says you've been married to this guy for only 5 years. Am I understanding that correctly?

marvelousdarling

Thank you! My memberships is with RAW and do strict curl instead of squat b/c of hip issues, so I do C/D/B: 32.5/137.5/65.

It's been a couple of years, I'd love to get back in it.

That's still cool! Good totals. :)

I never competed or anything, but I'm trying to get back into it too. I've had some injuries as well. I don't think I'll ever hit my high totals again, but who knows.

I actually don't think I can do strict curls, I have some wrist issues, come to think of it.

ct528

Thanks again for the insightful replies. Had a talk with WS about his prior comments to me and my issues with him cheating with a thick girl if he thought I was letting myself go at 104 lbs. I asked if OW was the biggest woman he had been with, and he thought about it and admitted she was. He said that it was hard for him to admit that he risked everything that matters for someone who was so far below his standards. I actually felt a lot better that he came to that realization without me leading him there. I feel like it is significant that he independently acknowledged that he “affaired down.”

They always affair down. No one with solid principles or morals would engage in an affair knowingly.

He also admitted he was just trying to be mean and hurt me with his negative comments about my body and that they weren’t true.

It's a positive thing that he admitted that, at least. It's a shitty thing to do but he might be coming to terms with his behavior.

He was in a bad place mentally and somehow blaming me even though he knows now there was no justification for it. We have a long way to go but I feel hopeful that we are moving in the right direction.

Cheaters typically blame the betrayed anyway they can.

There were no looks in my WH AP. He told me she listened to him. He had someone to talk to communicate with. He would not tell me how many times they had sex. But imagine over a 10 year period it was countless times. I also told him there was no way he was taking the AP around family and friends. They would think he was an idiot. I was very harsh in the beginning .

Cocoplus5nuts - I found this site after my ex-husband’s signs of infidelity. We separated in 2009 and I filed for divorce for other reasons relating to his alcoholism.

I did read once that a WS often blames the BS to justify their behavior otherwise they would truly have to look at their own horrible actions for exactly what they are. So either they can believe they are a monster or they dehumanize you as a horrible person and they pick number 2. With that becomes detachement and cruelty so they can live with themselves but that is just my opinion.

I found this site after my ex-husband’s signs of infidelity. We separated in 2009 and I filed for divorce for other reasons relating to his alcoholism.

☹

Thank you for answering. I was trying to figure out your timeline. I'm so sorry you've gone through this twice.

When people say cruel things to others, it's always about them, not their targets. There wasn't, and isn't, anything wrong with you. There is something wrong with your CH. I would have to wonder what is so wrong with a person that they could be purposely cruel and hateful to another.

(((ct))))

He is a vet with a permanent 100% disability for PTSD after 3 deployments as a medic. At the time of all this, he was on 5 different psychotropic prescriptions, and was also doing hormone replacement therapy - testosterone injections and peptides, basically legal steroids to stimulate human growth hormone— without disclosing to the respective doctors everything he was taking. He also has chronic pain and has had 3 shoulder surgeries and neck injuries. He confessed he has had a narcotics addiction for years which I knew nothing about

There is a lot to unpack here.

1. have you ever taken hormones for anything? Excessive bleeding, poison ivy, autoimmune issues? If not then you don't get how quickly and badly it can alter your brain function.

I have RA, and got an injection yesterday at 3pm. I didn't sleep last night more than 3 hours.

2. PTSD and the meds he is on for that will also alter thinking and may decrease certain thresholds to say hey what you are doing is wrong.

3. Add 1 + 2 and pain med noarcotic addiction and craving, then you get a whole lot of dysfunction.

4. He sustained injuries when deployed did he suffer concussions or TBI? This too will contribute to his poor decision making. TBI's get better to a certain degree but can have life altering effects.

Those things said, your situation is special and different from a lot of us here, meaning your H truly does have reasons not justified, but real reasons why he acted out of character.

It does seem that he is making progress toward owning what he did, and why he was hateful to you.

Hang in there, make sure he is staying clean, working with his Dr's, and healing himself. If he stops consider what your consequences would be.

(((And Strength)))

I skimmed through your responses, and I just wanted to add something as the WS.

For many of us (I would actually say the majority based on conversations I have had with WS over the years) the AP is not what we are attracted to. What we are attracted to is playing a role where we get to be a different version of ourselves. The AP can't see our flaws that our spouses know all about. The AP isn't associated with our responsibilities. There is little grounds of reality that has to be conformed to. What attracted me was truly being able to imagine myself as a younger, more vibrant, more desirable version of myself. The best trait of an AP? They fan the flames of that. They feed into that, because they are looking for the same thing and you feed that for them as well. That's why people always talk about ego kibbles, the ego kibbles are more than words, they are a reinforcement of us being able to see ourselves as special in some way.

This comes from deep insecurity and not taking responsibility for our own happiness. Instead of digging into things that create true joy. We are feeding off of external sources.

This is not physical attraction at all, that is another story we tell ourselves to allow us to get what we want. We tell ourselves all kinds of bullshit that isn't even true.