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Tell her that you’ll be happy to sleep with another woman... after the divorce is final and you have healed from her A. Unbelievable... she just wants you to do it so that you’ll even the playing field, take away some of her guilt, and then she can tell everyone that you slept with another woman. I know you wouldn’t do it, but that comment shows that she is not R material.

I don’t really see a BTW crowd here.

I don't either, masti. If you think there is a commie behind every bush, then there is for you.

I think the offer, AH, for a hall pass was done out of desperation by your WW. That means she doesn't get it. It's really an effort, even if unintended, to reduce to the common denominator and not to rise to the common denominator. Is there a count on what it would take "to even the score"?

Stay true to your beliefs and morals. Some say once the marital contract is broken you are free to do whatever you want. Some say once separated. I, personally, disagree. My belief as a Christian is that the marriage is still in effect until legal divorce. I know there is disagreement on that but it is my belief.

Enjoy yourself. Really bond with your son. He's hurting, too, as you've indicated. Be his life raft. Have fun with him, too.

Glad you are able to give your son some space and some time to mentally decompress. I am sure he feels a tremendous amount of angst due to ww using him as a pawn about leaving the marriage.

Tell him you love him. Explain to him that you are not a person that shows emotion like your ww. Let him know that you show love through service and taking care of your family. He may not fully understand that, without it being explained to him.

[This message edited by Bourbonhelps at 11:20 AM, August 10th (Monday)]

Oh my goodness.

Yet more overtures. Desperate hail mary attempts to get you to change your mind.

But not a smidge of any hint that she has actually changed or done any real work or that she even gets it. Changing jobs, removal of tattoos (wtf), promising to move mountains... That's light work.

She's been full on broken for six years. Do you think she suddenly woke up and is now on the path to enlightenment and redemption now that her fantasy has disintegrated in front of her eyes?

Block her number while you and your son are away. If it's truly an emergency have your parents or her parents contact you. Set up boundaries and enforce them.

You see, she still feels entitled to your grace - which she shat all over repeatedly not so long ago. She actually thinks she deserves a chance after the continued disrespect she showed you and your family.

Shut that down.

Glad you are getting away.

That deal with the heater..wow. I do not see anyone getting past that. How mean.

For a variety of reasons, she is trying to salvage the marriage. I get it. It takes away the stigma of her being an adulteress at a church. It also places salve of wounds with the kids. And after being thrown over by her POS squeeze, she needs a plan B to work for her. She needs to somewhat justify herself. In a way, it's part of the Cheaters Manual. She's hurting for herself right now and wants you to make it better.

That's a tough one to take.

I’m curious about the three year reference and the tattoo. What the heck? Did she get a tattoo without telling you, or even on behalf of another man? Or as part of some “sexing things up” with her girlfriends? Just curious. Seems a little off.

inappropriate response.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:12 AM, August 11th (Tuesday)]

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:10 PM, Tuesday, August 11th]

A tattoo on her thigh?

What kind of tattoo?

When did WW get it?

When did you find out about WW having a tattoo?

It has to have something to do with the OM.

The hall pass was definitely a last ditch effort to persuade you to stay in the marriage. My STBXWW did the same thing. She offered to set up a FMF three-way with herself and one of her girlfriends... which shows you the quality of people my STBXWW hangs out with.

No, you did good not rising to the bait. Stay focused and moving ahead.

Clear your head AH. Spend some quality time with your son, and don't be tempted by either the OBS or your wife's overtures of some side action. Neither will heal you, and clear your mind. Rather, it would make things worst for you.

My WW and the OBS also suggested that I was having an affair with the OBS b/c we were talking so much. Its projection. The only reason we were even in contact was b/c of those two shitheads having an affair. Otherwise, I'd have never known the OBS. That really pissed me off.

Keep moving out of infidelity. The more and more your WW is swinging, the clearer you will see that she does not deserve you. Tell the church group that she has offered you a 3 way, or side action. See how they respond to that? Clearly, she is not a women of God, just like my WW. They use God and religion to hide behind their piss poor life and behaviors. Better an atheist than a fake believer.

She is looking for a new job according to her, she said she is getting a rid of everything that she b ought during the last 3 years including a Tattoo on her thigh. how can you get a rid of that? she said it reminds her of the time she let herself down. but the best of all is she suggested that if I wanted to be with another woman she would understand, LOL, she said although it would kill her if I wanted to see how greener the grass in the other side, but she willing to be patient with me.

Sorry, you'd think in 50 pages that one of us would have warned you this was coming.

But it was always there in the pipeline just waiting to happen. Quite a number of WW's will offer up the "hall pass", figuring that if they can even the score a bit, that the deed won't be so bad and that R can then commence. First and onlys though?... it's almost guaranteed. She knows she's had an experience that you haven't had and she knows it's chapping your ass.

For the other changes she's talking about, I think it's clear she's been reading about what she ought to be doing as a WS, and frankly, she'd be a fool if she wasn't. Getting out of the cheating environment and getting rid of mementos are both common pieces of advice. I am curious about the significance of the tattoo and its timeline, but if your D decision is solid, it really doesn't matter. Getting more detail is asking for new triggers, so it's up to you whether your curiosity is worth the downside of processing the answers.

Understand that most people grieve when a marriage ends. Maybe not the unrepentant cheater or the BS who's done hard battle to get away from a particularly toxic one. But otherwise, both BS and WS will be going through the same stages of bereavement, just like when someone dies. Those steps are: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance. Chances are you'll be seeing more of all that. And there's nothing unusual or nefarious about it. Once you have the context, it's easy enough to recognize the attempted manipulation as "bargaining".

Sorry, you'd think in 50 pages that one of us would have warned you this was coming.

We always underestimate WS’s capacity for being nauseatingly repetitive, unoriginal, lazy and boring don’t we?

Someone should really start a thread assembling the actual cheaters handbook. Clearly it exists.

Buster, That was after the D no?

I went back to read a little, and SG is a good writer, even in the middle of that shitstorm.

I don't remember if the D was finalized by the time he hooked up with OBS, it's a long thread too, I think he posted on part 1 of this thread, so maybe if he's still reading and feels like it, he could clarify that on a short T/J.

Now back to AHguy's case, the 3 year old tattoo has me curious too, it "reminds" her of

the destructive path she took, it was certainly before the 2 year LTA, another indication that there might have been other POSOMs since she changed her lifestyle 6 years ago.

AH

It amazing how a WS that didnt give a shit for her lousy BS and planned to leave him, badmouthed him, denied sex, etc. Changes her mind in a blink of an eye, and then the shity BS turns into the biggest price, and is so desperate to offer him a hallpass...

IMO you should inform your WW that this trip is not vacacions, It is a sick leave to aloud your self to process the ene of your like as you knew It and that you were living a lie for almost 2 years. Let her know that NC is a must.

I think that the best way to answer your wife is to let her know that, at least ATM, you dont need to let her know, her permission nor her concern, of any part of your Life that is not related to D or Kids .

i think that at least in her mind, and infront of others, she Divorced you 3 years ago but didnt informed you. There is more in her actions than she has told you.

I just can believe that she is trowing away her carreer , her licence, clients, etc. For her A. There is much more on this action. Keep un mind that maybe she has lied to others about you, or there are other secrets she doesnt want to come to ligth...

Last thing, your WW not just betrayed you, she betrayed her kids, inlaws, relativs, employeers etc.

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 3:54 PM, August 10th (Monday)]

Other tingh,

You have all the time you need to digest this huge shit sandwich that she serve you. It is ok even to change your mind about D.

It is also OK not to ask her more question or details, or ask as many as you need.

It is OK also to sever contact with enablers or people that knew.

It is OK to change your mind also

YOU ARE IN CONTROL NOW!!

She is looking for a new job according to her, she said she is getting a rid of everything that she b ought during the last 3 years including a Tattoo on her thigh.

You should urge her to keep her job. You need her making as much money as she can make. Indeed, as I mentioned above, if she can boost her earnings by hooking up with clients, you should urge her to do that. Offer to fix her up with horny dudes interesting in spending money on real estate. Fifty cents of every dollar she earns above some fixed amount will be yours.

The tattoo? What that for or about the AP?

Tattoos can be removed by laser. It can be quite painful. Especially in tender regions.

This "Tattoo" sounds like a branding, like cattle, probably asked for my OM. Maybe he has a branding mark he likes his stable to show.

This "Tattoo" sounds like a branding, like cattle, probably asked for my OM.

This is my worry and if so it could really mess with the timeline of the affair she has provided to him so far.

This wasn’t her first rodeo.