SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Also please be careful with the OBs , she has been your best friend but if you get mixed up in her revenge plans against her husband that might be a very expensive mistake . Clearly she is a gladiator and I wish her even more strength.

Seriously good advice.

Others have mentioned this I think but you also need to do everything possible to keep your WW from quitting her job before the D is finalized.

Your atty will have more to say about this. You may not be able to stop her. But if she quits and has no income, it may affect your requirements vis a vis spousal support.

On the other hand, perhaps some states have laws to prevent spouses from unilaterally quitting their jobs and then claiming more alimony.

I just don't know. Your attorney will know.

"Your atty will have more to say about this. You may not be able to stop her. But if she quits and has no income, it may affect your requirements vis a vis spousal support.

On the other hand, perhaps some states have laws to prevent spouses from unilaterally quitting their jobs and then claiming more alimony."

Research Maryland, divorce, and imputed income, AHGuy. Also talk to your attorney about it.

“I’m glad you are not prioritizing work anymore.”

Passive aggressive much🙄🙄

Funny part is her POS husband is acting jealous that she in contact with me and accusing her of cheating With me WTF?

That’s pretty common. That’s because Waywards project their behavior into other people. For us BS, we don’t really think about those things (well before Dday), so it doesn’t occur to us. It’s also possible that the OBS is throwing insinuations here and there to get back at the OM.

Was your wife always passive agressive?

...Meaning saying things that sounds nice, but they are not, while maintaining plausible deniability? “Oh, I didn’t mean it that way”

You certainly can forgive her. Doesn’t mean you have to stay married to her.

Just a daft question mate but what tv programs does your wife watch, it wouldn't be something like real housewives of orange county or something would it.

By the way Florida instead of Ireland, it's not all bad.

AH,

If I am correct, you are planning to not being in Contact with your wife, rigth?

She Will realize that you are not talking a break from your job, you are talking a break from her meses!

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 1:27 AM, August 9th (Sunday)]

And yes while I’m rejecting her and distancing myself I still want her and wish to be intimate with her.

AHguy,you are still early in this process, your heart and your being are still catching up and have yet not accepted the new and true reality of your wife:

- She is selfish

- In specific, she doesn't truly care about you

- Nothing is ever "really" her fault

- She is a liar

- She is irrational

- She will rewrite history to make herself look better always, and she will convince herself it is true

- Her morals are entirely situational

- She's a jerk

She texted later wishing me a nice trip but at the same time she just couldn’t stop giving hints of blame-shifting saying “ I’m glad you are not prioritizing work anymore.”

Get used to little snide comments like the that one. That's why you need to limit contact with her to "business" as much as possible.

And after the divorce you need to ghost her from your life except when you have mutual kid-centric business. Think graduations and weddings.

Because it will always be your fault that she fucked her client and got run over by a betrayed spouse who doesn't play that shit.

***

I've seen many stories like this before, and usually the cheating spouse finds his or her life greatly diminished a year or so out from getting divorced.

And in the next year or so, a divorced betrayed spouse like you often finds themselves sad in many ways, because of the life you built that was senselessly destroyed, but you will also feel free and be moving onward and upward with your life.

You will probably come to realize that the asshole version of your wife has been around for a long time, but you had love-colored glasses on, and you chose to look past her behavior.

You're gonna be all right. Bank on it brother.

[This message edited by faithfulman at 7:23 PM, August 8th (Saturday)]

Hey AH,

Take a break from all of the crap 💩

Clear your head, take time with the youngest son.

”I’m glad you are not prioritizing work anymore.”

Sad to see that STBX doesn’t understand that your break is for you. That when you were at work you were putting your STBX first, giving her a life you thought she wanted. Just a cheating person trying to justify her actions.

One day at a time

Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 7:29 PM, August 8th (Saturday)]

“ I’m glad you are not prioritizing work anymore.”

WW

It's comments like this, that show me that divorcing you is the right thing to do. While I said I love you by providing for you, cooking for you, cleaning for, TAKING CARE OF YOU, you chose to steal from me the gift you gave to me in your vows that I wound be the only man between your legs till death. I prioritized you and I STILL have not been in any other woman. You really what to poke at my priority's. What do you see when you look in the mirror? When I look in the mirror I see a man that loved and kept his vows.

AH

This passive - aggressive attack of you stirs up anger in me and I want to make her back away from you and stop hurting you.

AHG I too thought of a long response to her prioritising message. Probably best to keep it short and say Wife my priorities have changed after I found that your priority for last two years and more was servicing another man.

Or nah just ignore her.

Best to ignore, It's a good habit to get into.

Oh and ten days away from this with your youngest son has the potential to be the best ten days of your lives.

Go NC with your wife and enjoy being with your son.

Yes the better part of valor is probably just to ignore her. I know you think about being with her, well you had given your self totally to her. You are still grieving the death of the wife you once knew. It will take some time to lose your emotions path ways to her. You are only one month out for Dday. You expressed that why couldn't you like the old man stay. Well you are two different people. I said in an earlier post that I believe you would heal fast with out her. I still think that is true. In fact with how she continues to blame shift, I don't know if you can heal with her at all. The way a wife acts is part of the equation too. She still not feeling what she has done to you. Dday for me was six weeks after our wedding day and then we found out out she had gotten a STD that would stay with us the rest of our lives. I wasn't allowed to be at my first sons birth because they put her out to do the C-section so I missed out on his birth. And I have had to put up with a lot of sexless times. I still test negative for the STD. But with all that she has been contrite so that makes a big difference. Stay strong you are doing what you must. I'm still praying for you.

All these workouts to get in shape, dresses, hair styling , mocking etc. she must be feeling stupid. A very bad case of mid life crisis or not growing in wisdom along with age.

I'm tempted to suggest a reply to her email - but what's the point??? Her latest email just confirms what you already know about her.

You've told her you're initiating the divorce process and why.

I thought you gave her a good practical and easy to understand reason for D (e.g., no trust, she broke your heart).

1 - Therefore, just ignore her texts.

2 - I suggest you keep a daily journal, including your feelings, reasons for D, and especially a record of her behavior to become safe and/or evidence that she's still in wayward mode.

A journal may help you feel better, plus it provides a factual (vs emotional) record for you to base a decision - and therefore, may help smooth out or reduce the daily flip/flop about D or R.

For her the coin of the realm is attention. So don’t give her any more attention than is absolutely necessary.

If I am correct, you are planning to not being in Contact with your wife, rigth?

correct, I wanted to get away from everything, but she is still in contact, crazy part is that my son is ignoring her messages too. my son and I talk about the situation, I think he needs a break too, I didn't realize how sad he was about what's happening.

My WW contacted my parents and " apologized " to them and pledged to do everything she can to make it up. my parent are split about this, like always they seem to disagree on every matter but still love each other, my dad thinks I should give her a chance, My mom isn't buying her apology and wants me to move on. she even suggested I move to Florida, tempting but can't do it at least not till my little guy graduates.

my WW is texting me even if I ignored all her messages, nothing new just the old " give me a chance and I will move mountain for you" type of messages. She is looking for a new job according to her, she said she is getting a rid of everything that she b ought during the last 3 years including a Tattoo on her thigh. how can you get a rid of that? she said it reminds her of the time she let herself down. but the best of all is she suggested that if I wanted to be with another woman she would understand, LOL, she said although it would kill her if I wanted to see how greener the grass in the other side, but she willing to be patient with me.

I can collect her messages and write a comic book.

Weird that she is saying she let herself down for the past three years when the affair was only for two years? I think when the truth comes out her betrayal is going to be a lot longer than you think.

AH, just have fun with your son. Spoil yourself for a change.

Fair weather and strength to you.