I felt the same. My initial reaction on DDay was that I felt like I had been raped.
Throughout our relationship he talked a lot about how his dad had always taught him to be a good man, and that hitting or raping a woman was the worst thing a man could ever do, and he would never do that.
In one of our last conversations I told him that I would never have consented to having sex with him had I known what he had been hiding, and that he absolutely knew that based on the numerous conversations we had surrounding infidelity, sex workers, etc. throughout our relationship. And since he withheld that information from me, I wasn't able to consent, and since he absolutely knew that I wouldn't have consented had I known it, that he had no excuse. I sneered at him, "That makes you a rapist, and I hope the thought of that keeps you up at night." I knew that would hit him where it hurt, and even if it was only a fraction of the pain he had inflicted on me, I wanted him to get some sense of the pain I was living in.
Now, I don't mean to diminish the experiences of assault/rape victims. There are actual instances in our marriage where he did teeter on the line of assault, and one instance in particular where I woke up from a dead sleep with him inside of me that technically meets the criteria, and I still have a hard time even identifying as an assault victim, because I feel so many other women experienced far, far worse.
When I come at it from a calmer, more detached place, I do still believe that this is a form of rape, or at the very least, fraud. Similar to when someone is too intoxicated to consent. In our cases, it's taking something by deceit that would not otherwise be offered. There have been cases regarding this, rape by deceit is the term I believe that was used.
But no matter what lies he had told himself to justify his behavior, whatever mental gymnastics he did to convince himself that what he was doing wasn't hurting me, I felt it was necessary to point out that the acts he committed against me were absolutely egregious.
I had and still have a hard time identifying as an abuse victim, because I feel like other people have endured worse. I go through periods of feeling like a fraud, like I should just suck it up and get over it because other people have been through much worse than me (this is not uncommon amongst trauma survivors btw, the feeling that your trauma "wasn't bad enough".) And my IC has gently reminded me over the years that what I experienced is terrible, and it doesn't need to be "as bad" as anyone else's trauma to still be traumatizing to me.
Even recently, I had an episode with an intensely exaggerated startle response that really threw me for a loop. I told her that it confused me, because "it wasn't that bad, I shouldn't react that way." And she reminded me, actually, you're reacting that way because it was "that bad" for you.
If someone else came to me and told me that the exact same thing that had happened to me had happened to them, there's no question in my mind that I would consider them an assault/fraud victim, and I would gladly support them in seeking justice and healing from that very real trauma. But it's much harder to see when it's me and my own story.