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Off Topic :
A Bigger House or a Bigger Life?

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 LadyG (original poster member #74337) posted at 9:59 AM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

This Question was posed to me today, ‘A Bigger House or A Bigger Life?’

I didn’t hesitate with my answer, A BIGGER LIFE!

Absolutely, no judgement as I am at a stage in my life when I can choose a Bigger Life.

What would you choose and Why?

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 953   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8591205
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ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 12:08 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

Like you, bigger life. Life is more fulfilling than a house.

Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2009   ·   location: EU
id 8591220
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 12:34 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

I am not sure what a "bigger life" looks like, but I just came across a local real estate listing for the biggest, most gorgeous old colonial home I have ever seen around here. Every single photo showed perfectly-furnished rooms filled with antiques, lighted with crystal chandeliers, ceilings of beautiful wood, drapes of heavy velvet, kitchen with glass door cabinets 10 feet tall, a butler's pantry...in other words, a real palace, designed and intended for lavishly entertaining crowds, and it just made me feel...sad for the seller.

That house was clearly a showplace for somebody's non-existent lifestyle; otherwise, it wouldn't be for sale! I got the feeling it was a stage set for a movie that will never happen again, if it ever did happen!

So often, people strive to have that kind of material setting, yet without friends and family to share it with, what real joy is there in having such a place to rattle around in?

posts: 2366   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8591224
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 1:05 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

uhhh... What's this about....

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 13184   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8591233
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 2:09 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

I guess this depends on what you define a "bigger life" as.

Personally I think I'd go with a bigger house. An addition would mean each kid has their own bedroom and maybe I could have an art/craft studio.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25896   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8591250
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 2:45 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

Bigger life.

Better to be living/enjoying life....than to sit in a big ole house being house-poor (ie restrictive lifestyle because you can't afford to do anything).

My children frequently talk about the memories we have made doing things through-out their childhood. Not once has either complained about their bedroom size.

Makes me reflect on holiday dinners at my grandmothers. Very small house! Heck the fridge didn't even fit in the kitchen! But we don't recall being cramped around the table. We remember the get-togethers and all the family/friends.

That is a bigger life.

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8591266
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:47 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

The issue is understanding and defining what a bigger life really is.

I think that for many “bigger” and “better” can be shallow goals. Like if you let a kid chose the meals for a month you will be eating chicken nuggets, burgers, hot-dogs, fries and drinking soda’s and end up toothless, malnourished and with scurvy.

If we were to base “bigger” life on the ability to choose and act without considering the consequences, then it’s not “bigger” by my yardstick.

A “bigger” life IMHO is accepting responsibility and accountability and being happy with your decisions because you are both responsible and accountable.

This in turn tends to make us better managers of what we have – including money. If you lead a bigger life the way I see it then you are responsible and accountable. This tends to lead you to the Golden Rule of what makes people financially independent: Spend less than you earn. Do that and I don’t care if you spend your money responsibly on travel, charity, your kids or… a bigger house.

So yes – a bigger life all day.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 13184   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8591268
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somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 3:02 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

..very thought provoking question...

...spent your money on a big mortgage ..OR ..go places, see the world and experience new thrills.

Cars might enter into the equation?? The house or the Ferrari collection??

Also, it depends on what stage your life is at..

For me, Down-sizing is on my mind. I've filled the big house with 'stuff' gathered over the years.

At 73... ? I could take up sky diving or rides in spaceships... or go back to school and become a... lawyer maybe??? FAT CHANCE!!! (read my bio!)

There is a special peace-of-mind that comes with owning a home.. and size doesn't matter.

I would advise striking a 'balance'... don't let a huge mortgage tie you down and deny you the other pleasures in life.

smy

trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!

posts: 6080   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Ontario Canada
id 8591288
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 5:41 PM on Friday, September 25th, 2020

I guess having a big life for me IS my home. Life is more than big and busy here. My home is also my place of zen. Then again with being so cramped it's also chaotic.

We do our family outings and whatnot but as I was told our kids are very lucky to have the farm and be able to play and explore all they want. Just getting them inside for dinner is a challenge most days.

I'd never try to one up someone in the size of my home. Just add on to make it more convenient. It's really a very simple and small home. I have no desire to put on a show for people. I have ducks running around my kitchen....not exactly show home worthy lol

But its home.

What does a big life mean? Travel? Being well known and liked? Keeping up with the Jones?

I'm more than content to sit in the back yard surrounded by ducks and geese and a goat who wants attention and listen to the loons calling in the distance.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25896   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8591410
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 3:32 AM on Sunday, September 27th, 2020

For the short time that we had the “bigger house“, about 13 years, it WAS a “bigger life“.

Every holiday we were able to host at our home because there was more room.

Every July fourth it was a huge event. Friends and family used the pool for their children’s birthday parties. Halloween was crazy big. Hay rides and bonfires.

And we have all of those memories. That is what a bigger life means to me.

Now that we have drastically downsized, it is more lonely, less residents, less activity.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8268   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8591811
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soverybetrayed ( member #32948) posted at 2:34 PM on Sunday, September 27th, 2020

I had to downside when I chose to buy an RV an travel for work. It was hard but it helped me realize that things aren't important to me. I actually downsized so much that I could fit all of my stuff into a ford focus hatchback.

I am buying a park model home which is 399sq ft so I have more stuff now but I still keep it uncluttered.

I loved having adventures in my 21 ft RV and worked in New York, Kentucky and Texas. I worked as a work camper and made wonderful friends.

I love the idea of less stuff for a bigger life and more adventure.

Me- Happily single
Divorced 8/23/2012
I am stronger and better than before.

posts: 1358   ·   registered: Jul. 30th, 2011   ·   location: Texas
id 8591857
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Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 11:32 PM on Monday, September 28th, 2020

I'm extremely lucky. I am able to have both. Our current house is biggish, 4 B 2.5 baths, our unused basement is finished, handy when the kids were young, not needed now. The costs to live here are more than manageable, so is the upkeep. I like the idea of downsizing but the anticipation of packing and moving is completely intimidating.

I'd go for the big life if I had to choose. We lived in a tiny house before the issue of school quality came into consideration. Finding a comparable smaller house with some of the features we have, notably a lot on the woods, didn't happen.

We've accumulated too much STUFF. I am not a saver but my H and 2 sons are. I have 1800-got-junk on speed dial as soon as I can convince them that they really don't need all those swimming ribbons and extra boat motors.

Me-BS-71 in May HIM-SAFWH-74 I just wanted a normal life.Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

posts: 8533   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2009   ·   location: In my head
id 8592302
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:42 PM on Tuesday, September 29th, 2020

I went from the Bigger House to the Bigger Life even though I'm living in an apartment now It's easier and less to clean too

fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024

posts: 9074   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8592563
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