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Has anyone participated in Retrouvaille Marriage Help Program. It is a couples weekend aimed a healing broken marriages. I am the WH and my BW is hesitant to go. We are both in IC and MC.

I have a madhatter aunt/uncle who have heavily pushed this program for us. They had their affairs 30 years ago and are stronger than ever.

Just curious if anyone has participated or heard about it.

My WW and I went last year right before the pandemic began. Lucky timing, because only weeks later we were at home in the midst of nationwide lockdowns.

I found the information provided very helpful in many ways. It's not a cure all, but it does provide a way to talk about the issues instead of talking around each other or at each other. And you will hear from those guiding the weekend in their own words about the crises in their own marriages.

I was initially reluctant to go in my own case, and I was initially aloof and fairly "agnostic" about the information provided. But I also found it useful to talk through the issues and find a new way of communicating. I think that's probably the case with most, if not all, betrayed spouses who attend a Retrouvaille weekend and do all of the follow up work.

I found it generally far more helpful than most of the talk therapy I did before or since then.

While Retrouvaille began within the Catholic context, they don't push faith on you, and in fact it's provided in many completely secular contexts -- but we happened to attend a weekend heavier with Catholic couples.

This past year, both my WW and I have been converting to Catholicism.

In my own case, engaging in Retrouvaille hasn't stopped me from wanting to D. It's still on the table. But it certainly did no harm and in fact helped me.

I struggle mightily with the humiliation and betrayal inside my own home. But it did lower the temperature of our discussions and I think regardless of whether we R or D, it has provided a path forward in which my WW and I will remain amicable.

[This message edited by Thumos at 10:34 AM, March 22nd (Monday)]

Yes, Retrouvaille helped. Quite a lot. The presenters' words made a difference to what my fWH actually heard, and that finally precipitated a lot of change.

I was particularly hesitant about exposing my pain to even more people, but nonetheless went, if only to be able to say I tried everything before divorcing him.

We found the format helpful overall, because we didn't have to share anything with the group beyond our first names, when we got married and one other question so "harmless" I can't even recall the details of what, exactly, we needed to answer.

We have continued with the follow up sessions and, until Covid, attended monthly group meetings by choice.

Overall, a hugely helpful weekend for us, facilitated by a local Catholic church, but the vast majority of couples were not Catholic and no pressure on anyone re faith, religion etc.

Food was good but simple, the programme ran to time, and most couples reported they were on better footing after the weekend.

Wishing you all the best for your weekend, shoul you choose to attend.

Cornucopia

My wife and I did this. We were both raised Jewish but honestly, aren't religious at all, and so we were worried that if their position was to let "Jesus take the wheel" so to speak, that it wouldn't be for us. It was not. Honestly, I didn't feel as though religion had much of anything to do with the program itself.

I don't like to say too much about the program because it's one of those things that is honestly better if you go in "blind". I will say however that the program helped us to learn to communicate better, and gave us tools to help us understand ourselves and our partners more, and in infidelity, that's important. There were couples there that walked in the door unable to even look at each other without starting a fight, and by the end, most people felt calmer and more connected and understood.

A few things:

You will never HAVE to speak in front of others or share if you don't want to, so don't worry. Sharing is optional.

There are opportunities to meet and talk with other couples if you like, however you will never be interacting with them as part of the course. In other words, you will only be working with your spouse, not some other couple or their issues.

The days are long and packed. You will go to bed at night and be asleep by the time your head hits the pillow. Don't make plans to see the town while you are there. There won't be time.

The program is designed to avoid conflict especially early on. Everything is voluntary. You will be given safe topics to work with. At no point will be you forced to do anything you don't want to. It takes no special skills or talents. They provide everything you will need except they do ask for pot-luck snacks and drinks, which is great because you bring whatever you like and then at least you know there will be a snack you enjoy.

If you are the type who wants to be more involved, you can be, and they are happy to tell you about being part of the program, or joining group events (such as a holiday party). But these are 100% optional.

I don't think this program will fix all your problems, so don't go in with that hope. Rather, this is another tool in your toolbox, and a way to hopefully open a path to better communication between partners when none seems to exist.

sorry for the t/j - but DaddyDom - how far out were you and ISSF when you did Retrouvaille?

If I remember correctly, I believe we were in year two, roughly 18 months in.

Highly recommend this intensive weekend!!! We learned so much that WH was willing to attend the second weekend two months later. Three years later and we are solid. Recommend this to all couples, struggling.