SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My husband and I have been married 7 years and together 13. I've never had to worry about my husband cheating because he is upfront with everyone. If he feels like he is being flirted with he casually mentions me and they may continue talking, but that's it. Well this time was different. My husband's best friend passed away very unexpectedly 2 weeks ago. My husband has been an emotional wreck since. Last week was the funeral and it was in a different state so I couldn't attend since we could barely afford the one ticket let alone 4. He went to leave and his flight was delayed, and then he missed his connection which made him a whole 24 hours late and almost missing the viewing. He started drinking at the airport and didn't stop for 3 days. Last Wednesday was the funeral and then they had rented out a bar for everyone to start drinking at. My husband decided to rack up a nice bill, but didn't eat. After this everyone went to another friend's house and drank more. My husband was drunk so drunk he doesn't remember a lot. He is putting pieces together and knows he had sex with another woman. He told me the next morning, on the phone. He isn't a liar ever and I know he is telling me the truth because why lie about any of this after the fact. He has been apologizing, remorseful not blaming anyone, but himself, he never wants to see her again. He is getting help with the alcohol abuse and IC as well as MC for us both. I have gone through numbness, anger, straight pissed. I'm hurt and betrayed, but want to forgive.

He appears to be very regretful and full of remorse. He was honest with you. He’s truly sorry.

Mistakes and drunken mistakes occur unfortunately.

I think you should get some counseling for yourself before marriage counseling. You need someone to support you through all the stages such as anger, sadness, devastation, etc.

You will heal. It will be slowly but don’t be surprised at that.

I am sorry for the loss of your good friend. Grief does strange things to people. Then hope you can forgive your H but that may take time too.

He sounds like a good guy who made a bad drunken choice. He’s not your typical cheating spouse.

Prayers to you and your family that you will be able to heal and continue to have a happy family. 🙏

[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:21 AM, May 5th (Wednesday)]

Hi.

On this site we support the victim of the A. We always want the best resolution for the victim. It is only up to the victim to decide. It's has two outcomes: R or D.

Yes, your H was out of control and did a terrible thing. And you're reacting to it as we all do. All of that is as expected. It was, from what you said, totally out of character for him.

The biggest thing against going R is the possibility for repeat behavior (assuming the victim wants to R). In your H's case, that's not him. Your situation is a clear case where R is possible and beyond that, will be mostly advised if it is what YOU want.

We also don't like to see families blown up based on situations that are recoverable.

None of this is to let him off the hook. He has to change how he behaves to avoid this in the future. It's pretty obvious that binge drinking was a big part of him losing control of boundaries. This is a forgiveable situation given he deals with the drinking issue. And, it goes without saying that he shouldn't ever be in any setting where's he's chumming it up with some OW.

You'll get a range of advice. Read it all and take the parts that make sense to you, and leave the rest. However, if you find a strong statement that you find a bit upsetting, take another look at it after a day or two. The veterans on this site know the ropes when it comes to these cheaters.

Good Luck and I wish the best outcome for you and your family. I really wish in my case it had been a one time "drunken one night stand" that was confessed. For most of us (and those who went R), it was so much worse than that. And yes, you're hurting and will and this will take a long time to recover. And don't listen to ANYONE who says: aren't you over that yet?

[This message edited by rugswept at 10:48 AM, May 5th (Wednesday)]

Both things are horrible and I agree the others who have said he went thru a huge trauma and drinking combined he made a horrible choice.

I think because he told you right away, you likely can mend this. You will hurt and be sad and confused too. its all part of it. So sorry you have to go thru this and he have his best friend pass. Im sure he needs some therapy too. Grief really messes with you.

Have you found a good counselor for yourself?