HO - it just helps to be heard, thank you. Today is the weekly podcast ‘release date’, and my stomach is in knots over worries it’ll be about the affair. And then my stomach is in knots over my drive to find out. I beat myself up whatever I do, the constant self bashing of the betrayed.
Bigger - I love your story, thank you. It truly does help. I’m working hard on releasing this and just letting karma do its worst. You’re way of thinking is where I aspire to be! I’m working on getting there, but it’s a journey!
Istwife - my rational brain does say the same thing. I think ‘most’ friends and family of hers will be losing patience with her and no one likes people who air their dirty laundry really. Speaking out once is accepted, but bashing your drum about it weekly seems to send the vast majority running. I think people are naturally private. And I think even those who count themselves loyal to her will have their empathy kick in and roll their eyes when she plays victim in an affair narrative, comments on how it ‘transpired he was married’ when everyone knows that SM and a wedding ring tell you instantly!
Swmnbc - again thank you for putting into words my thinking. I do feel that this is causing my ptsd to flair, I’m hyper vigilant all over again. I will check out the book. I feel kind of stuck. I know I’ll get there but I just feel so shocked at all this.
Jambomo - not on YouTube, on podcasting channels and on insta, but yes my finger has hovered over the report button many times but then decided against it as I don’t want to martyr her.
Sceadugenga and Landclark - this is HARD! I am so tempted to ask people to troll her but I just know she will attribute it to me and turn herself into victim again. And yes I don’t click on her stuff because I fear even one extra listen or view.
Luna10 - just a huge hug! Thank you for being there and for your lovely articulate post putting into words what I’m feeling.
I think what I’m realising more and more that is causing me pain, (and something Luna talks about in her post), is our lack of a voice, as betrayed. We are working so hard to quietly and privately rebuild our families that this sort of reaction totally blindsides us. Every time she talks about my WH and it is often, she knocks me to the floor, every time she dismisses my children and I in her narrative, it reminds me of the background noise we were to them both, during their affair.
Her latest podcast (I haven’t listened) is on abuse, trauma, narcissism and ptsd. Honestly you can’t make this stuff up. Every Monday is painful as I fear what she’s going to talk about. I am happy to say though that it really does look like her friends and family are rolling eyes and turning their backs on it all. It’s pretty obvious.
I will get there, I will stop looking, stop caring, I am listening to you all and I am reflecting, reevaluating, reconsidering how I deal with all this.
I am grateful for all your thoughts!