SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was sick with pain when I filed. Crying at the lawyers etc. It is SO WORTH it in the end, I promise. Such relief.

When do you naturally stop calling someone your husband.

Good question! It will be interesting to hear answers on that. I think because it's been a few years I am loosing the details.

I think he just became "Mr. Cheater Pants" when my son wasn't around (I had to make myself laugh somehow and that one still makes me chuckle).

It the normal civil world I don't recall any big moment. He's just became my "ex". After 30 years together there is that part that still feels like I am connected to him on a deep level. On the flip side I know it is not reciprocated so the twinge of nostalgia flickers out immediately when the thought sneaks in.

Hang in there, these emotions are up and down. Try to soak in the good moments when you can. I had some of my deepest quiet joyful moments during that time of turmoil. You will adjust to being separate from him to a point where looking back at being connected to him will seem terribly uncomfortable.

Take care.

He is gone. I have to have hope that people can change and be better, without that, the world is a dim place.

He is who he is, he is different now, just not what I want or what I need.

Today I feel sad, tomorrow i will stand up and walk tall. (6ft tall)

Thank you Anna, that is very helpful.

(((Tallgirl)))

I promise it gets easier. Give him a funny name, in your own mind or in your contacts if you need to communicate with him in the future. This really helped me. I created a code word that stands for cluster b. Only I know what it means, so that I would not disparage him to our kids. I had to turn over some text messages to his attorney and stbx saw his name. The next email I got from him he signed with that code name. I cracked up.

Hang in there. One day at a time.

I felt great. Determined. Angry. Powerful. I actually snatched him up and put him in my car to drive him to sign separation papers so that I could buy my house without him on the deed and stood over him like a hawk while he signed and then dropped him back off. Barely a word spoken. Just "we're doing this now". Given that this state mandates a year separation before divorce, by the time divorce actually rolled around, it didn't have much impact. I was already on my own in my new house with my new life and that filing was reduced to no more than a necessary legal step.