SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It has been just over 2 years since my husband’s most recent affair. That affair was with a woman at our church. The pastor, his wife and the office secretary know and they know everyone who was involved. Other people know, but, I chose to keep the name of his affair partner quiet. I know people will disagree with that decision, but it was the best choice in this circumstance. At any rate. This morning, 2 years later, I got a message from one of the women in the church. (I am the women’s ministry leader). She was informed yesterday of a rumor that she and my husband had an affair and wanted to be sure I knew they did not. This is not the woman my husband had an affair with. Now, because my husband made a crap choice and I tried to limit gossip and maintain unity, someone completely uninvolved is being drug into this. I’m angry. And I’m sad. And, honestly, I’m just sick about this whole situation all over again.

It certainly is the gift that keeps on giving. What an awful message for you to receive.

(((musiclovingmom)))

I am so saddened to see you having to deal with this out of the blue (((HUGS))).

Do you think that this could be more than a coincidence that this is happening right around the date of your Dday?

I have read on here how some adultery co-conspirators do some really DESPICABLE things to the BS. I know that the adultery co-conspirator in MY case did her best to HURT me in the worst way when she sent a reply to one of my emails to her. Could the adultery co-conspirator in YOUR case be the one who had a hand in starting this rumor?

Want2B - I suppose that is possible. She did just have a pretty miserable breakup and is definitely hurting. And, hurt people hurt people, right?

A friend of mine is pretty convinced that the woman who messaged me was just trying to get more information out of me. She does have a tendency toward gossip, but I find it hard to believe someone would paint themselves as the object of a rumor just to get a name.

The pastor and his wife have known who since I found out. I talked with him yesterday and he hasn’t heard a rumor at all. But, now he and I both know and combat it as united church leadership should we face it. Knowing him, he will set up a meeting with the woman who told me and actively try to trace it to its root. He takes divisiveness, gossip and lies in the church body very seriously and isn’t afraid to confront someone who is causing an issue.

I was nauseous most of yesterday. My husband had left to take a load to Denver before I got the message. Instead of staying overnight, he turned around and drove straight back (making a 17 hour work day for him). I’m much less bothered by it today, but man.

Sorry but rugsweep = long term heartburn.

Marz, I’m not sure how you equate not publicly sharing the name of my husband’s AP with rugsweeping.

I assure you that in the last two years we have done a crap ton of work in our marriage - both on our own and with the help of counselors. This particular issue came up and we talked about it both together and with our mentors. Just because I am not blasting her as a personal choice does not mean we are ignoring the entire event.

[This message edited by musiclovingmom at 12:21 PM, July 23rd (Friday)]

hurt people hurt people, right?

Yes ma'am they do .

But, now he and I both know and combat it as united church leadership should we face it.

I am happy to see that he is taking this step . Root the culprit OUT...very nice!

Instead of staying overnight, he turned around and drove straight back (making a 17 hour work day for him).

WOW...KUDOS to your husband for doing that . IF by some chance the adultery co-conspirator had a hand in this...what she tried to do to DESTROY y'all...only made y'alls bond STRONGER .

I’m sorry for you. I hope this dies down quickly.