SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Wonderful post, I am so glad to read about SI members working with their spouses, against many odds, to walk through betrayal fall outs together.

Again this was not something I thought was possible - never say never.

I so am encouraged and motivated by your belief....when I joined SI, I was sitting on the fence. Unsure of my choices. Scared. Mixed up. Angry, oh so angry as a BS, and over time reading about other's experiences, their successes and setbacks helped me regain a fresh perspective of my life with my husband.

I did not ever believe, that my husband and I would get to a point of becoming versions of people that we like. But hey, here we are!

Thank you.

@Lostindenial - you are a member of the tribe none of us wanted to join.

No one owes me anything but is still here for a cautious thought at times, a positive one at others but this is hard, soul sucking and if it were not for this sane and sage group of people, I would have drowned.

That is because you are worth every minute of our time. You deserve to be happy and it will come. I wish I could tell you it will be easy. It isn't. But I think the pain of the acute trauma in the early weeks and months propel us to do the work. I was stubborn - I figured I shouldn't have to because HE DID THIS TO ME. But alas I was wrong and humbled.

I have recently read rising strong and the chapter that hit me the most was sewer rat one. Suddenly, I feel like I am down on my face in the arena with everyone watching and I have nothing. Quite a humbling experience with shame, self realization and rumbling.

Ah this is one of my all time favorite books that came when I was in the most pain. DaddyDom and I read it together and had so many revelations. At the same time that you find yourself face down please also remember that she makes it possible to understand that we all are doing the best we can at any given point in time. I could let go of a lot once I got that through my head.

You will be released from the horror of the infidelity drumbeat. You will one day wake up and stop asking if this is real or a dream. You will one day stop wondering why this happened to you. You will find all kinds of acceptance that this is now what you need to tackle and the changes that need to happen are welcome.

You are looking at someone who resisted and who thought that I died on d-day and would never come back. You will come back but remember it is important to feel the feels so you can process. And one day the resentment of having to feel this will make way for the butterfly that emerges from its cocoon. And please know the relief comes in stages and way before 5 years. YMMV of course.

Big big hugs to you.

@Oldwounds - thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are among those that stand out for saving me. Seriously you wise words and wisdom on many occasions set me straight and pointed me towards the true road to healing. You are a gem.

@Notaboringwife - I'm so glad you are encouraged. I was an expert fence-sitter. I cannot tell you how many times I knew I was out. There wasn't a doubt in my mind. But I also knew I had to heal and I had to be patient and see where my WS was going to land. I was all set - post nup done and finances separated such that all I had to do was file. All the hard work was already done. And we didn't give up for some reason. I'm not sure why. But now I am sure and you will be too. Any outcome is the right outcomes for you - R or D. And frankly it is okay to be on the fence.

I found forgiving myself was the part that had to happen to get off the fence. I think I may be still working on some things but not so much sitting on the fence about my M.

You are doing really well and keep up the great work. Keep reading and posting. This is a dynamic set of emotions for sure.