SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone gone through this type of therapy? If so, what was your experience like? Did it help you? Thanks in advance.

There address several posters who have tried it. I hope they'll post their experience.

I hope so as well. I have OCD as well as a host of other issues as a result of infidelity but have become wary of therapists due to some negative experiences with them over the years. Today I bought the book "The Body Keeps the Score" which supposedly has a whole chapter on EMDR therapy.

Good luck and I hope you get the help you need.

I have a friend who was very active in the mental health field (helped develop local coverage policies for insurance companies), and he said a little OCD is good.

I wasn't able to get through all of The Body Keeps The Score because, well, you know...

I did it.
It was disappointing for me.

But I say that with the caveat that ALL therapy has been disappointing to me, and I'm a bit jaded towards the entire profession.

Hi first post for me as Im a lurker. You can try EMDR out on your own. It's perfectly safe, maybe it's effectivenes will be reduced compared with doing it with a therapist, but it's worth the try, and it's Free !

I've been doing it in a windows PC with an app called "EMDR App" made by Victoria Kazachenko. You download it for free on the windows app store.

I know there are other apps for android, but personally i prefer doing it on my big pc monitor.

You can read guides out there about how to do it. It will be a good introduction. My personal routine to work on a subject is:

First think about what you want to work on, it can be bad memories, negative emotions, emotions felt physically in the body. It can be mental images or movies, etc.

It can also be physical objects, like a bed or a car, or a whole person that triggers some bad shit in you.

or sensory feelings like certain smells. This one was big for me, my ex was a smoker. And after dday and separation everytime I smelled tobacco smoke out and about it made me think about her. It was hell. EMDR fixed that in around maybe 50 minutes distributed in 4 or 5 sessions. It was very effective for me

The EMDR goal is to basically to dissolve the emotional part of anything you work on. You will still have the memories/mental images/etc, if the process is succesful they will not bother you anymore. This is how you move on, you remember what happened so you can learn and protect youself, but you no longer suffer. It's the opposite of rugswepping, where you try to forget what happened, but the emotions are still there bubbling up and causing havoc

To do the process, You have to try to feel the emotion, imagine the image etc, while doing the EMDR (which is basically concentrating on a moving object moving very fast in the app). Feel it as strongly as you can muster, use photos, videos, things that trigger you and do the EMDR on the app. Try to maintain it while doing it. If succesful you will see it is difficult to maintain the feelings. That is what you want

rate it 1/10 on it's strength. You rate it before and after to gauge its effectiveness.

Repeat the process several times the first week. Emotions do tend to regrow with time, so every now and then redo the process.

Good luck !

"he said a little OCD is good"

That's good to hear.

"I did it.
It was disappointing for me.

But I say that with the caveat that ALL therapy has been disappointing to me, and I'm a bit jaded towards the entire profession."

It's been described as just one more tool in the toolbox. It works for some but not for everyone. I've had many negative experiences with therapy over the years myself.

"Hi first post for me as Im a lurker."

Welcome!

"You can try EMDR out on your own. I've been doing it in a windows PC with an app called "EMDR App"

I'll give it a try and let you all know what happens.

My first D-Day was 29 years ago believe it or not and I'm still battling with flashbacks, nightmares, low self-esteem and a host of other problems. Yes, I've been through therapists, pastors, counselors, and other well meaning people but nothing ever worked for me. So now it's EMDR, hypnosis, and anything else I can do to feel better on a daily basis.

Thanks to all for your thoughtful responses!

I did daily affirmations to help. Find one that resonates with you. I picked one that caused me to cry when I started because it's what I needed to hear.

I did mindfulness exercises and meditation which helped me to be in the here and now. When my thoughts spiral, I use the tools to help me concentrate.

Oh, PTSD...The gift that keeps on giving. EMDR was created to treat PTSD, so that's a good thing.

[This message edited by leafields at 5:59 AM, Friday, June 16th]

I suggest trying the 'Emotional Freedom Technique', which is designed for self-administering.

As in all therapies, you need good/competent practitioner for EMDR.

Daily affirmations and meditation along with a long list of other helpful methods including prayer(which is what I mainly do) can help. Unfortunately I feel stuck in a time-loop where every day is like Bill Murray in 'Groundhog Day.'

I'm starting with an EMDR specialist tomorrow. I will be lurking here for other insights and share of I stumble upon any of my own.

I have done Brainspotting with my therapist, which is similar to EMDR but doesn't require reconfronting the traumatic event. I found it to be incredibly helpful.

I heard something recently about EMDR being ineffective and therefore not therapeutically sound if the person is still living in the trauma. So, I'm not sure if it can be used with someone still in a relationship with the person who caused the trauma, but of course, I'm not a therapist and so have no idea.

My first D-Day was 29 years ago believe it or not and I'm still battling with flashbacks, nightmares, low self-esteem and a host of other problems. Yes, I've been through therapists, pastors, counselors, and other well meaning people but nothing ever worked for me. So now it's EMDR, hypnosis, and anything else I can do to feel better on a daily basis.

19 years here. Sigh.

I had a bit of an epiphany this weekend that my need to pick at the wound may be less about continued effects of trauma and more about anxiety and my need to gin up something to get excited about. Infidelity is a solid choice of topic for getting me riled up. It's almost like I'm using it as a crutch, if that even makes sense. Like I don't have to deal with other things if I can connect all of this ickiness I feel to infidelity. I hope that doesn't come across as me minimizing your experience, but I'm wondering if maybe you can relate.

My H and I did a bunch of MC, but neither of us did IC until now. I just had my first IC appt last week. I think my IC may already be onto me. He asked me what my walking-around number is when it comes to anxiety. Like, when nothing is going on, how anxious I am on a good day. I'd say I'm a solid 4-5. I just run hot. I'm going to look into yoga, mindfulness, and meditation. I've dabbled in it in the past, but always joked that it's boring and frustrating. A sure sign that I NEED IT.

I suggest trying the 'Emotional Freedom Technique', which is designed for self-administering.

Will check it out. Thanks.

I'm starting with an EMDR specialist tomorrow.

Let us know how it goes. Emailed an EMDR therapist near me yesterday but have yet to hear back.

I have done Brainspotting with my therapist, which is similar to EMDR but doesn't require reconfronting the traumatic event. I found it to be incredibly helpful.

Will check that out as well. Thanks.

I hope that doesn't come across as me minimizing your experience, but I'm wondering if maybe you can relate

.

Not at all but I'm on the other end of the spectrum where "boring" at this point would be a relief.

The problem my wife and I had is that the first and second D-Days were before sites like this existed. There was no one to talk to who could give us helpful advice. One pastor I talked to who had been through the same experience as me was even angrier than I was. The marriage and individual counseling was useless and even harmful at times.

My wife is an expert rug-sweeper and gaslighter so we let it go for years. But now that we're both retired and have to deal with each other every day, something has to change.

I know someone who is a specialist in EMDR. Therapists can only help if the client lets down their guard. Her therapy only lasts a few weeks, months. It does not take the place of talk therapy. She told me her job is to help the clients find the hidden, encapsulated, traumas, bring them out into the "sunshine" and take their power away. Then, if the person needs talk therapy she can provide it. She is inundated with referrals because she gets results. If someone is so guarded they can’t let go of control it is harder to pull those memories out. For this to work you have to have complete trust in your therapist which is why you need to do some homework. Try word of mouth.
Btw, if your trauma is only from the cheating you will be able to get on with life fairly quickly. Oftentimes doing EMDR brings out a boatload of hidden ones and it can be exhausting but gratifying to discover why you keep making decisions that are not in your best interest.
Good luck

Therapists can only help if the client lets down their guard.

I have no problem with that. My wife on the other hand...What's the point of spending your time and money if you're going to withhold things from someone who is trying to help you?

Btw, if your trauma is only from the cheating you will be able to get on with life fairly quickly.

Not so in my case. I have zero trust for my wife. We've been married for 38 years and her hiddenness, rugsweeping, and gaslighting has done a number on me. Yes, there are other traumas to deal with but the marriage issues are first and foremost my main problem. Thanks for your advice.

The EMDR therapist contacted me yesterday and I'm waiting for an appointment to be finalized.

Your traumas are yearsvin the making. I can see why you feel this way

I tried it. I had separate sessions in our couple therapy (I am the betrayed part).

I was (and still am) skeptical about the scientificity of the thing, but it makes sense in that forces you to face your worst thoughts. In my case they were graphical thoughts triggering my PTSD and my worst reactions. Before, I had to punch myself.

It helped a bit. I got back my ability to work 8 hours straight, I didn't end up losing my mind. Now when intrusive thoughts come to mind, I can manage them. They still come to mind, though.
It did not emprove my mood or my feelings overall.

Your traumas are years in the making. I can see why you feel this way

Indeed. I'm an oddball when it comes to the whole infidelity tragedy. If I had known from D-Day 1 that 29 years later nothing would have gotten better, I would have bailed and filed a restraining order.

Thanks for your valuable input Valdus.

It helped a bit. I got back my ability to work 8 hours straight, I didn't end up losing my mind. Now when intrusive thoughts come to mind, I can manage them. They still come to mind, though.

I'll take that any day. May I ask how many sessions of EMDR you had?