SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I recently cheated on my husband. And I am not making excuses for my actions. I take complete responsibility. But I am trying to sort out all of my feelings and take a hard look at myself. My husband has cheated on me at least 2 times in the past. 10 plus years ago. About a month ago, I saw that he was following all of these instagram sites of barely clad women, most in compromising positions. I confronted him and he agreed to stop following them. When I asked him why he was looking at those sites, he said if I dressed like that, he wouldn’t have to look at those women. I am also 90% sure he watches porn.
I would like to get opinions from both wayward spouses and betrayed spouses on your opinion on this type of behavior.

Women are big consumers of "romance" novels.

If a married woman enjoys such, is she cheating?

I searched the web using DuckDuckGo on 'is porn cheating survey results'. The Hindustan Times reported on a survey of 2000 people in the US, and 54% of the respondents apparently viewed video - but not literary - porn as cheating.

IMO, that doesn't matter, IMO. It's something each partnership needs to workout for themselves.

IMO, he doesn't have to look at other women's photos. If he thinks he does, he's got problems, IMO. I've lived a long time without IG and Tiktok, and I don't miss them. OTOH, reels on FB definitely catch my eye - women, tools, bicycles, psychology all get my attention. My W has always been comfortable with that.

If a couple agrees that porn is cheating, it's cheating.

I don't consider porn to be cheating. Others do, for various reasons.

BS here. I have no problem with porn. It’s cringe, and kind of gross to me. This is of course barring sick stuff like under 18.

I do think it gives people unrealistic ideas. I also think it makes sex bad because you can tell when a guy does something from a video. It is an immediate turn off.

Just kind of gross, like booger eating. But not cheating in my marriage.

This question is triggering for me because my WS used Craigslist for anonymous hookups and I stumbled across it early in our marriage. He convinced me he was just jerking off to the sexy ads, but then I caught him hooking up that way.

So is it a slippery slope? Not sure. He lies and lacks deep insight, so who knows. Could be a slippery slope.

I am a BS. When it’s excessive, taking away from the marriage, causing financial infidelity, live video chat, etc., yes, I would consider it cheating. For my WH it was just part of a bigger issue though, not the only issue.

I personally would probably take a bigger issue with the "if you dressed like that" line. That’s manipulative and passing the blame to you for his actions. The idea that if you just dress like them, all will be well, which is BS. Sounds like my ex husband.

Reading though this a few times, what stand out is this:

When I asked him why he was looking at those sites, he said if I dressed like that, he wouldn’t have to look at those women.

That is a lame ass, dumbAF response and please tell me you didn't buy that complete and utter bullshit.

Him looking at those women IMHO is not the issue as much as him trying to blame you for his behavior.

Think teenager - it your fault mom that I broke curfew, if you'd just let me stay out all night you wouldn't have this problem

Think toddler - it your fault I broke the cookie jar mom, if you would have just let me eat cookies for dinner I wouldn't have to steal them so it all your fault

Think any dumb ass excuse - they all pretty much the same and just as dumb