It would be cute getting gifts, cards and flowers if he wasn’t a cheat. He always put in lots of effort at birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day. Hes romantic. It is one of the things I liked. I won’t do anniversary or valentines any more. I am unsure what there is to celebrate to be honest. He has followed my lead since dd.
Last year I said I think he should do what he wants. Rather than just take my lead. I think his actions around cheating were pathetic. His inability to feel uncomfortable is pathetic. His lack of apparent values, beliefs and morals is pathetic. He is like a sheep following a crowd and with hindsight I think he’s always been a bit like this. Sneaky too. He’d rather hide it than confront. So I said why don’t you do just the right thing by you rather than follow. Be true to yourself. So this year meant gifts. I opened my card alone and have put it on the sideboard. So it’s on display but not pride of place. Did it mean anything - nope. Not to me. Can I remember the picture or the words. - nope I just glanced at it. I thought the words were hilarious and feeble for a man who has known me for over 15 years. Thought it was ridiculous he cheated yet wants to be with me. And professes to love me.
I thought how dumb to throw what we had away. How he could have had so very much more.
I’m at first glance a rule follower. Maybe boringly so. But I’m rebellious. I Stand up for certain things even if it means people hate me. I am okay being disliked. I will speak my mind if needed. I have hills I will die on. And not ones that the crowd follow.
He talked to his therapist (while being a cheaty toad) about him never being able to change my mind. Well he has about him 😂. I’ve totally changed my mind. He’s helped me change my mind. He got to be the influence he wanted to be on me.
But I have realised that I really like the fact I have things I care passionately about. I’m glad I don’t flip flop and change my views with the wind or what’s trendy or what my friends like. So I am really glad they discussed me with such contempt and then he told me about it 
- his therapist never met me or spoke to me- but yep I damn well believe in things and stick by my word!
That was my take from Valentine’s Day.
