Your whole preamble to your post is trying to convince us that you didn’t deserve this, that you didn’t see this coming, that you weren’t neglectful. I did this also in my first post to JFO in this forum.
We know. The simple fact that your wife cheated, speaks volumes about her character and her conduct throughout your marriage. Most cheaters contribute very ineffectively to the healthy maintenance of a marriage. The very nature of cheating reflects on the character of a cheater, an underlying brokenness that, if not lying in dormancy, has probably been actively, by insidious degrees, eroding at the foundation of your marriage since the very beginning.
Now, the general naïve public may think otherwise because victim blaming makes us all feel less vulnerable to the whims of fate, better about our plight. Victim blaming reassures us that this nightmare only happens to "other people", "those people", those who had it coming, those not tending their gardens, those with poor spouse picking skills. It leads us to believe that being cheated on can be avoided.
The best way to combat this, is to move on and live your best life. If not fall into a new love, fall into love with yourself. Whenever you fall in love with others, there is ALWAYS risk. No matter how well you vet your future partners. No matter how well you tend your garden. There is always risk. There’s few things in life worth a damn that don’t have some reciprocal element of risk.
I’m in a new relationship now and fully understand that I can be cheated on again, but so far it has been an amazing ride, putting my experience with infidelity far in the rear view mirror. And although my last marriage ended in disaster, it too was a wild ride that resulted in three beautiful kids and a lot of good experiences.
Is "the ride worth the fall", as the song goes? Would I have taken the ride knowing the fall would have been this painful? No… but it was worth the risk.
[This message edited by RealityBlows at 11:23 PM, Thursday, March 5th]
