SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don’t even know which section this belongs in, so putting it in general.
We have two little kids (2 and 5). They are difficult and sleep badly and sleep with us a lot. Our sex life is pretty much non existent. I’m pretty sure he isn’t attracted to me anymore, though if I ask he says he is. He hasn’t initiated sex in a long long time. It makes me sad. In all other ways he’s amazing, he does lots of little things for me daily. In the past I discovered he was messaging other women. He’s promised he changed. We went to therapy together, I had individual therapy too, she told me he’s doing so much and he had a difficult childhood and basically I need to be patient with him. I want to work on the trust. I feel I don’t trust him.
Fast forward to today and I used our family computer to buy a friend a birthday present and the magnifying glass with the name of chat room appeared when I started typing. I’m crushed. I have no idea how old this is, it looks like he searched for it. I haven’t asked my husband yet. I feel I’m going to get the same shit of him being defensive and denying it until I say something like ‘if you tell me the truth, there’s a chance we can work through this’. I haven’t processed any of this yet. Spent the day with some friends of ours. I think he can tell something is up. I don’t even know where to start with unpacking all this. The idea of leaving is scary. The idea of staying is scary. We have a mortgage. Shared finances. 2 kids. I live in Spain and in his town, his mum helps with childcare. I don’t know what I’m looking for but I need to just put this somewhere and tell someone.