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ANDILEA19 ( member #2632) posted at 9:33 PM on Thursday, January 24th, 2008
Needed to read this, had to dig for it...
Bumping!
Me: BSO age 29
Him: WSO age 35
He is a lying bastard.
D-Day #1 7/31/07 EA/PA
D-Day #2 1/5/08 EA/PA
D-Day #3 1/15/08 FWB
All were concurrent. 4 women at once, what a juggling act.
irondave ( member #17899) posted at 11:22 AM on Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
Going to join this club. Argued with WW last week haven't communicated since until yesterday. Sent the rugby results to her, she replied I didn't no need. It just seemed the sort of humdrum topic that's just too dull for her to ask the OM, and the tour party she's guiding would be interested.
Hope I can keep this up, I do miss being able to share those silly little things that happen daily with someone, and that's when its hardest. But I feel the marriage is over pending some huge sea change in her attitude so all I can gain through a 180 is some self respect back, and if it does come down to S followed by D I can hold my head up high that I dealt with real life without hiding back within myself(something I've always done in time of crisis)
When you find strength in adversity you will get through this.
"To love is to suffer" - Terry Pratchett(in Mort)
peridot ( member #18334) posted at 7:35 AM on Friday, February 29th, 2008
Will this work if the person doesn't see what they are doing is wrong? My husband is addicted to porn and will not get help or even admit that there is a problem. He usually quits for awhile or tries to hide it better and not quit. As of lately, I haven't been bringing it up but I know it is going on. Just don't want to fight anymore. He's gone from looking at porn to chatting with women online and possibly seeing escorts. I can't prove him seeing the escorts, only found a list that he kept for about eight months but supposedly didn't act on that list. I'm just not sure if this will work with him. He is actually acting like we are just the happy little family while I am dying inside.
I think...therefore, I'm single.
It is what it is.
truthsetmefree ( member #7168) posted at 4:29 PM on Friday, May 23rd, 2008
Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are. ~ Augustine of Hippo
Funny thing, I quit being broken when I quit letting people break me.
Clangirl ( member #19433) posted at 8:20 PM on Saturday, May 31st, 2008
Add me to this list also. Been practising 180 for three weeks and wondered if WS had noticed. Then realised -through SI-that it didn`t really matter whether he noticed or not, I just needed the space to breathe away from him.
Had a big family gathering lately. WS in great form, us in better form, 180 gone. 1 week later I`m back to 180 again. He`s in blameshifting, nitpicking mode. Doing his PA thing.
For Round one of 180 I took off my wedding and engagement rings. Is that such a severe thing to do? My excuse to anyone else is that the engagement ring is broken(lost a diamond the week after WS affair!!) Having the rings off for me represents a commitment to heal myself in the absence of any love and remorse from WS.
Just think I might get so good at this 180 thing that I`ll move away from WS altogether. Don`t want to separate though because we have three growing kids. But fed up of jumping through hoops for him.
So maybe 180 will keep me separate enough without separating?
Clangirl
kdis ( member #19828) posted at 1:58 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2008
I took my wedding and engagement rings off as well shortly after I found out about the affair. I took them off because WH broke our vows, he no longer wears his ring either.
capri ( member #14940) posted at 10:07 PM on Sunday, July 13th, 2008
The question was asked about doing the 180 with kids.
I'm no expert, but I think the answer is that you deal with what you need to with kids, house, finances, and for the rest, go about your own business, make your own plans.
Somebody else asked about sex. I, too, am curious if there's an 'official' 180 answer on that. But for me, the answer was to ignore overtures as he has ignored the difficulties and pain he has caused me.
Someone else mentioned the fear of driving him right back to her. I think about that sometimes, but what exactly am I winning by being so pleasant and loving and giving that he'd rather stay with me? I'm winning a man who still refuses to have a grown-up marriage, won't talk things out, wants to sweep everything, even an entire marriage full of other women, under the rug and just have me move on and pretend with him that it's all okay now; I'm winning a man who insists it's not really that bad to have secret relationships with other women and run me down to them and to his friends and family; a man who denies he ever did these things at all, and won't even deal with actual facts... I could go on.
But I think my final conclusion is that yes, I'd probably 'win' a marriage with a man who cares only about his own happiness and comfort. It's not worth it.
Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011
gemini_june_20 ( member #18606) posted at 1:58 AM on Monday, July 14th, 2008
Just wanted to clarify this one......
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
I assume you mean do not ask WS's family members for help? Correct? You can still ask your own family members for help? Right?????
Just wanted to clarify....
Married >7 years, together ~9 years
Discovered affair - March 11, 2003
Filed for divorce - March 31, 2003
Divorced - May 5, 2003 (waived 90 day waiting period)
New Job - May 12, 2003
Bought Own Home - May 6, 2003
Adopted a baby girl!-August 2006
trying2deal ( member #2597) posted at 2:26 AM on Monday, July 14th, 2008
I think that means don't ask any family members (or friends), to talk some sense to your spouse or ask them questions about where s/he spouse is, etc., because that's a form of pursuing and not doing the no unnecessary contact.
You won't be able to move on with your life if you are still engaging in your spouse's life.
Of course you can ask family to be supportive of you. 
All truth, in the long run, is only common sense clarified. Thomas Huxley
TrustingFaith ( member #6849) posted at 6:21 AM on Sunday, August 24th, 2008
bumping ....
...maybe I should make it into a tattoo...
There is, in every true woman's heart - a spark of heavenly fire
Which beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity
W. Irving
tlsmi (original poster member #6558) posted at 9:22 PM on Friday, September 5th, 2008
SerJR has an excellent take on the 180 here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=232785&AP=1
I just thought of something someone wise once said in response to her fence-sitting WH.....
'This is MY life too!
Either join me in it -
or get out of my way."
drowninginsorrow ( member #4545) posted at 2:06 PM on Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
bump
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics
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