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Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 3:12 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
My WW received a message or text from someone and I didn’t recognize the app that she’s on. Does anyone know of a dating app that when a message comes in, there appears to be a colorful heart or a heart shaped cropped photo on a black background?
landclark ( member #70659) posted at 3:16 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
Did it look like this? This is Zoosk.
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 3:28 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
No. The heart looked like either a patchwork of colors, or maybe a colorful heart shaped photo and the background was black. There appeared to be a circular profile type photo above it and a messaging window below it.
[This message edited by Gunnut at 9:29 AM, July 9th (Thursday)]
Okokok ( member #56594) posted at 4:20 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
The heart looked like either a patchwork of colors
eHarmony? Looks like this:
[This message edited by Okokok at 10:47 AM, July 9th (Thursday)]
Erstwhile BH and BBF. Always healing.
Divorced dad with little kids.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:56 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
Oh, bro, I'm sorry. It looks like she's telling you who she is, though. That's some progress. 
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Whatslove ( new member #74490) posted at 5:29 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
I'm a novice but shouldn't there be complete transparency by now? Ask for her phone, if she doesn't hand it over, there's your answer.
Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 6:19 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
It’s not the eharmony one. The patchwork pattern is much busier and irregular than that and that’s what makes me think it may be a color photo cropped into a heart. Does someone have a screen shot of the messaging part of Zoosk ? The shape of the heart was the same as the Zoosk one. I’m not ready to confront her. To confront without proof is unproductive.
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 6:28 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
Ugh I am so sorry.
But I have to ask... If you even suspect she is on a dating site, then what more proof than that do you really need? Why does it really matter which one?
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
Okokok ( member #56594) posted at 6:47 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
Something else occurs to me...I could be wrong, but these days I think both iMessages and Facebook messages allow a simple "like" response to a message vs a reply.
I *think* I recall that when someone "likes" my message (maybe on Facebook messenger), their little profile icon shows up, and a little heart as well.
Can't really confirm this for you, just a thought.
Erstwhile BH and BBF. Always healing.
Divorced dad with little kids.
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 7:02 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
Gunnut:
A thought -
try and get a copy of the image and use Google
there is an image search feature
"Google Images" will get you started
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 8:04 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
Is it this one? It's for a free dating and chat app.
Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 8:48 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
I'm a novice but shouldn't there be complete transparency by now? Ask for her phone, if she doesn't hand it over, there's your answer.
I do have access to her phone l, I’m not ready yet to let her know that I’m suspicious, it could lead her to be more careful.
Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 9:03 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
But I have to ask... If you even suspect she is on a dating site, then what more proof than that do you really need? Why does it really matter which one?
I can’t blow up a marriage, with three children in because of a suspicion.
Okokok. Could you send a screenshot of that. I’m hoping it’s something innocent like that, but knowing what I know now about my WW, I can’t give her the benefit of the doubt again.
So if anyone knows of any social media apps that looks like what I’ve described please let me know. Unfortunately I don’t have an image. I saw it over her shoulder and she closed out of it and I’m unsure if her doing that was intentional or coincidence. It’s not Stake.
Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 9:03 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
But I have to ask... If you even suspect she is on a dating site, then what more proof than that do you really need? Why does it really matter which one?
I can’t blow up a marriage, with three children in because of a suspicion.
Okokok. Could you send a screenshot of that. I’m hoping it’s something innocent like that, but knowing what I know now about my WW, I can’t give her the benefit of the doubt again.
So if anyone knows of any social media apps that looks like what I’ve described please let me know. Unfortunately I don’t have an image. I saw it over her shoulder and she closed out of it and I’m unsure if her doing that was intentional or coincidence. It’s not Stake.
Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 9:04 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
But I have to ask... If you even suspect she is on a dating site, then what more proof than that do you really need? Why does it really matter which one?
I can’t blow up a marriage, with three children in because of a suspicion.
Okokok. Could you send a screenshot of that. I’m hoping it’s something innocent like that, but knowing what I know now about my WW, I can’t give her the benefit of the doubt again.
So if anyone knows of any social media apps that looks like what I’ve described please let me know. Unfortunately I don’t have an image. I saw it over her shoulder and she closed out of it and I’m unsure if her doing that was intentional or coincidence. It’s not Stake.
MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 9:04 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
iheart radio app...My wife triggered on that one on my phone...
WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 10:19 PM on Thursday, July 9th, 2020
I can’t blow up a marriage, with three children in because of a suspicion.
Back in April, you posted that your WW cut you off sexually and you were filing for D. It wouldn't surprise anyone if she was moving on to someone new through online dating. She's had multiple cyber affairs. Like you've always said, she'd rather sleep with a stranger from a bar than with you, her faithful, loving husband. So what changed? Why was that the last straw but finding out she's probably cheating again makes you want to keep clinging on?
Gunnut (original poster member #63221) posted at 2:25 PM on Friday, July 10th, 2020
Not iHeartRadio either.
@Nekoamida. When I stopped pursuing her after she cut me off and went as NC as I could being lockdown together, I think the cold reality of D frightened her and when she saw that I was serious. I didn’t maintain NC and we started having sex a few weeks later. We decided to keep trying, but I feel very hopeless about my marriage. Not that I don’t have reasons enough to leave, but I have reasons to stay too. If she were on dating sights again, it would cement my decision, there wouldn’t be enough reason to stay.
[This message edited by Gunnut at 8:26 AM, July 10th (Friday)]
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:38 PM on Friday, July 10th, 2020
Gunnut
According to your tagline:
Married 20 years and she has been unfaithful for most of them.
She had a ONS 16 years ago, 3 EAs and 2 cyber affairs.
Dday#1 12/20/17 Dday#2 1/4/18 TT and lying until 2/20/18 polygraphed 4/6/18
And your last post.
You should be perfectly within your rights to ask her about the heart and follow up on any info she gives you. She tells you it’s not a heart but an icon you get for playing solitary… you check. If she tells you it’s an innocent message… you check.
She get’s angry and refuses to share… you know.
She gets angry about you being intrusive… you talk about how trust needs to be rebuilt and what you two can do about that.
I really don’t see a future without infidelity while you are too scared to confront it, and partake in let’s-not-talk-to-each-other NC games.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:09 PM on Friday, July 10th, 2020
Why not just ask her to hand her phone over? If she is serious about R, that should be a perfectly acceptable action on your part. I think the answer there is that you're afraid to ask her that because part of you thinks she won't hand it over and if she doesn't, then you know something is up. That's okay - I would be afraid in your shoes too. But dancing around issues isn't going to solve anything.
Just my 0.02.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
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