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Long Term Affairs Part 38

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northeasternarea posted 11/9/2017 14:55 PM

ernestine, thanks for sharing your story.

Deejay523 posted 11/9/2017 15:40 PM

I only have one ovary left, been that way since 2003,all I have gotten very mildly is some flashes but I'm not carrying the same equipment you are, I have heard it can, like UKgirl said check it out with your obgyn...

Deejay523 posted 11/9/2017 15:54 PM

Good to hear from you! !
I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through with the selling of your home and moving then coming back again UGHH! !

We have started looking for something down south Carolina seems to be the place..
Anyway I hope what and how I feel about leaving works out because I have wanted this from the start,I feel I will be so much better and my husband feels minimum 85% better it will be for me first but for us both in hearing your story it made me think of the little voice that has been trying to stop me, by saying we grew up here our entire life's, this was our dream home that we with our own hands together side by side put together. .hard wood floors, painting, tile floors everything. ..but when my big voice speaks and when the girl remembers that little voice dissappears and I look forward to the changes. ...

Mickeymom posted 11/9/2017 20:13 PM

Fresh starts sound wonderful especially when itís what you want and you know money comes and go at least you tried i would rather try and fail then to never try again.
Erensetine: I think this is just one of those things people really need to figure their own path their own choices. And for sure we donít always agree but not our life to choose you get th choose your path and you know what infidelity can do to a person so you choose ur path.
Hope all is well tribe

hopefull77 posted 11/10/2017 06:41 AM

Ernestine...thank you for sharing your story...I know there is a member who used to post a lot who had a mother that was unfaithful and he had found letters or something and a brother who committed suicide...
Maybe someone here remembers??
He was very active and had good advice...he too was trying to survive infidelity but as a betrayed child...

UGirl it is always good to hear from you...I am sure you UK ladies had a great meetup last month!
I too have thought about a move /change os scenery but really do love this house that we LIVED our life in...raised our kids here and now the grandson ...a 3rd generation bathing in the big bathtub! Can't quite pull the plug yet...
hang in there everyone...the holidays are here ready or not...here we go

UKgirl posted 11/10/2017 10:48 AM

Hello ernestine.
We have had people on here trying to deal with their parents adulterous behaviour. You are welcome here in trying to understand or at least come to terms with your own situation. It does sound as if your father was a sex addict, and narcissistic, maybe a sociopath and unable to empathise even if he knew what were the right words to say for your mother to take him back. He spent his life taking because he could. In the end, he probably felt entitled, which would make him arrogant. Your mother enabled his behaviour by buckling and not kicking him out. And I don't suppose I am saying anything that you don't already know. I guess they are a different generation and all that, which is a cliche, but true. Itís a sad story. I donít know about your own parents, but for mine divorce was a whispered word said behind a hand ďI heard they gotÖ. you knowÖ. divorced ď >insert look of shock< And when they were younger, back in the 50s and 60s, people would actually cross the street so they didnít have to talk to them. Like it was contagious. But there again, what your mother (and the family) put up with was abuse and itís very difficult to break away from abusive relationships anyway, without social pressure adding to it. We see it time and time again and although the woman knows it would be the best for herself and her children, she stays. Sometimes with fatal consequences.

Your father probably never acknowledged the damage he did to you and your brother and if he does acknowledge you are damaged he would probably say it was your own faults for not being stronger Ė or some such crap. I hope your mother finds relief after his death and is able to come out of herself a little for the comparatively few years she has left for herself. And that you can find some way to accept something that you had no control over.

steadychevy posted 11/10/2017 10:59 AM

You're right, hopefull. There is a member whose mother was serially adulterous and whose brother committed suicide. I can't remember his name. I thought he might have posted in ICR - the CSA forum. I went back to September, though, and didn't find him. Hopefully someone with a better memory than mine can help out.

UKgirl posted 11/10/2017 11:11 AM

Deejay & hopefull,
sometimes there is the need or desire to have a change. I kept being told ďyour house is lovely, but itís sooo bigÖ.Ē And that once weíd moved, Iíd love it. Nope. I felt I was being backed into a corner with everyone taking FWHís side. Even my friends were saying that it would be fine. I know that fWH thought we could get rid of MOW, but as I kept telling him, it wasnít so much her I had the problem with, it was his lack of action whenever she did do anything - he would just pretend nothing had happened. Iíd say something and he would pretend I hadnít said anything and change the subject! Good example - we were going through all the books and I found a little piece of paper she had written on and gave it to him. He turned it over and over, said wasnít it funny how you found these little bookmarks and went on to say something about college work and how he never turned down the corners of pages. Then he casually put it in the bin. I just stared at him. He'd done the same thing with a poem I found in a book. So this move was his way of erasing her. But, as I also said, sheís coming with us Ė sheís part of our history. Moving wonít change that.

If I could have my old house back, Iíd take it in a heartbeat, even though I have got rid of most of the furniture that went with a big Victorian property Ė now we live in a Georgian cottage with little rooms and little doorways. Itís nice, but not home yet. Although being back in this town is home, so Iíll get there. It is kind of cosy. And there has been no sign of MOW (insert Psycho shower scene musicÖ..) Ė YET!

Meeting up with the SI ladies was great! We met up in the spring and had a great time then too. This time we just caught up and carried on where we left off! The last to be thrown out of the pub/restaurant! You meet the nicest people through SI.

Have a peaceful weekend everyone.

Deejay523 posted 11/10/2017 11:41 AM

Thanks and Hugs to you! !!

Deejay523 posted 11/10/2017 12:03 PM


Although being back in this town is home, so Iíll get there. It is kind of cosy. And there has been no sign of MOW††(insert Psycho shower scene musicÖ..) Ė YET!

I wish you the very best, and hope things become more comfortable for you in your new home! !

It's nice to hear you had a great meet with the ladies of SI, would be pretty cool if we could all do a cruise or something,be nice to meet you all!

gonnabegr8 posted 11/10/2017 12:07 PM

Poster who found his moms letters and brother committed suicide is yearsofpain I believe.

You could search up that ID - he had good info.

He posts less frequently these days.

Deejay523 posted 11/10/2017 12:07 PM

Thank you for sharing

hopefull77 posted 11/10/2017 14:52 PM

I think you are right gonnaberg8
I knew he signed off with initials!
There is SMY ( somanyears) and YOP ( yearsofpain)
Thanks for the jolt to my memory

Ukgirl it is fun "closing down the place" especially with friends you never thought you'd need!
have a peaceful weekend all

Hippo16 posted 11/13/2017 10:55 AM


You're right, hopefull. There is a member whose mother was serially adulterous and whose brother committed suicide. I can't remember his name. I thought he might have posted in ICR - the CSA forum. I went back to September, though, and didn't find him. Hopefully someone with a better memory than mine can help out.


sjnk67 posted 11/13/2017 14:16 PM

I was on here years ago frequently but needed to take a break lost my userid/password and had to start new. My husband is still involved in his long time affair but she moved away 4yrs ago because she lost her home. He still communicates with her by phone everyday. Well to get to the point my husband was just recently diagnosed with a terminal illness with less than a yr to live. I am having a hard time feeling guilty for my thoughts. The other day I realized it will be the first time I can walk out of my home without him being on the phone or trying to see her. I feel horrible for these thoughts but it's true. The whole time I was working(retired now)he was at her house everyday. Even with this illness he has talked about driving to her home

steph posted 11/13/2017 22:05 PM


Whatís your story?

Mickeymom posted 11/14/2017 18:18 PM

SJNK why would you feel guilty for having piece because your not stressed because he isnít able to call or see her I assume because he is too ill to do those things? You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Agree need a little more info to fully weigh in
Peace Tribe hope all is well

Cantsleep2 posted 11/15/2017 19:29 PM

Iím new to this site but I havenít had anyone to talk to. My h and I have been married for 33 years. I post about how much I love and appreciate him on FB all the time. Any person I know will tell you I live for him! I looked forward to my busy season being over so I could go out on the road with H. April 24th came and I climbed up in his truck (he was an Orr trucker) and we took off for the week. I had looked forward to this for months. The second day out his phone dinged and I looked at his text message while he was napping in case it was his dispatcher. It wasnít his dispatcher! It was a very vulgar picture of a womanís privates and some conversation about one of her friends who wanted to join them. The last line asked if I had left for work yet. The OW called me by name! I woke up H and he confessed but got all defensive and blamed me. Then he gave me a stupid story I knew was a lie about when and where they met. To make a long story shorter, I found out the affair had been going on for over 6 years on August 25th when OW called me at work to let me know. He broke it off with her on April 25 and she wanted revenge on him. She was also nice enough to let me know she had been on his truck with him on many vacation trips for a week or more at a time! This crushed me. We are trying to work it out. H is genuinely sorry and regrets what he did. But I struggle with all of the pictures in my head. OW has been kind enough to send me pics of the two of them in various stages of sex so I can keep this in my head. He says he didnít know about her pics. He cries when I get them because Iím so hurt. He told me the last thing he wants is for me to be hurt more. But I canít get these pictures out of my head and itís killing me.

steph posted 11/15/2017 22:23 PM

Canít sleep,

Iím so sorry for your pain. Youíve come to the right place. Just recently I shared with someone I trust in real life. I also have a good friend from SI that I write to.

I too, had one of those sweet calls from OW. She told me about many things I didnít know about. Oh, I knew about the affair, these were things like my h having her over when I was gone and my beloved dog of nine years actually being HER dog that he brought home to me at 4 months. She said she was allergic. My h admitted the puppy was neglected. She did this the day before Christmas Eve.

This is very new to you and very painful. I too, lived for my h. The pain is understood by us on this forum.

I encourage you to find a good counselor if you donít already have one. The good people on this forum urged me to do so and it has been a huge support.

Hugs to you.

Mickeymom posted 11/15/2017 23:07 PM

Cantsleep as others will say so sorry welcome to the club you never wanted to join. You have definitely found the right forum the LTA most of us have been here for awhile so forum not always as active as others but we truly understand your pain. I know you are still really in shock it takes about a year before you can even get to place of anything that looks normal. I thought this journey would be something I could work through quickly it is not it is a process of ups and downs, right now take care if you. Your needs come first you come first. Hugs and peace

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