It's been 3yrs and 5m since DD of all DDs for me. ..
We have only been attempting reconciling since Dec 2016 before that it's just been a fkn blur ..
During this period we have gone over a lot I mostly just got the Basic Time frames just the basic information ..
And a lot of agreements, a list to work through. .
On this list he had agreed upon...
He agreed, to answer any and all questions I have (Ha what a fkn joke this has been so far it's been more like one word answers and some are ridiculously not believable )
He agreed upon, telling his story telling me details of what happened what I wanted to know from beginning to end . . (As I said I got the basics the details have been mostly dribs and drabs, only what he wants to disclose unless I have prove )
He agreed to IC for himself to figure out the whys. . (Has not even attempted )
He agreed to MC (we have been to two different ones the first was only two weeks after discovering and was a joke I was not prepared or in the right frame of mind and the counselor was not good for us we only saw her for 4 sessions, which is basically nothing, she was more into empowering to me for me to leave his ass which I feel I could use right now) ( the second we began early this year she was good we saw her for 6 sessions only we both felt we were getting somewhere but again we just began to touch the tip of the iceberg, my husband's job decided to close the business so he had to look for another job which was difficult since he had been with the company for 18 years and then our counsellor kindly informed us of her retirement so we decided more like my husband wanted to stop and said when he settled into his new job we would continue ) (4 months later still waiting or wasting my time )
He agreed to opening a Facebook that he created besides the other one he had,
He allowed me to have access on everything passwords etc he even allowed me to view this one but then changed the password said it wasn't something that would be any good for us ..he then agreed to give me full access and then conveniently said he couldn't remember the password, all along I knew I could do it myself but it was the point I felt strongly that this was important for him to give me on his own to show me his seriousness, I had already seen everything on it just wanted to delete everything and have control of it ,
Anyway I hadn't mentioned it in some time so yesterday I finally opened it myself one thing I can count on is his repetitiveness in the few different passwords he uses ,I did not let him know that I opened it on my own and just began to delete this shit, doing so just has brought me to that ugly dark side, this Facebook is one he created as ridiculously immature as it sounds he created it pretending to be another woman dating him stalking her for him ,because he wanted to end it with her ,to me he seems like he wanted her to end it with him because of it ,because he is retarded obviously in all aspects he knew how to have and live a complete double life but didn't know how to stop (really sounds like he wanted to keep her hanging still to me)
Anyway if you all saw this shit it's surreal and they both make me so sick, seriously he was thinking that she would give up because he was dating another woman but not because of the mear fact he was married and with me really people, )
So many more things he has agreed to. ...
sorry for the Ramblin, I brought it up to him again afterwards and he had the fkn audacity to say again after he agreed that he ,him of all people didn't think it would help us ,
First I said may I remind you that you have no say you lost that right and this wasn'ta request it was a demand as for everything you agreed upon. .
I said Thanks for all the Bullshit you've been feeding me all your fkn lies and bullshit ,thanks for wasting more of my time my life ,in between me saying this he kept saying I understand your growing inpatient but I am working on us, I am following through with everything I agreed to but one thing at a time, we both agreed once I am done reading we are going back to mc (reading jesus seriously I could have read 10 500 pg books already wtf)
I just can't believe his responses anymore or I should say his no response. ..
I said to him he is a lying broken record and I'm done listening to it ,I'm done even listening to myself also because I feel like a fkn broken record too.
I said when the house is paid for we need to go our separate ways. .
I was very calm during this entire conversation but yet was left feeling like I wasted my time, thoughts breath everything as I've been feeling everytime latley, I went in the other room quietly and a few minutes later here he comes as is becoming his usual self acting as if or should I say wishing like nothing just happened. .. he said to me come back to bed baby. ..
I'm feeling really twisted he's twisting me ..
It's not enough that he's left me feeling insane with all he was doing ..
He's making me feel like he's fkn with my mind still. .
I can't handle these fkn mind games anymore. ..
I had to let this out,this is the only place I can scream !!