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iamanidiot posted 12/11/2017 02:02 AM

Today I will relive that day that we met, 41 years ago. I drove the bridal car to the wedding. She was the groom's baby sister. From the instant I saw her - I knew. There were other pretty girls & bridesmaids there. But I only had eyes for one.

Today I will relive all those positive thoughts & exciting feelings I had on that day, and in the years before it all changed.

Aah yes. There was a lot of fighting and other negative stuff that happened afterwards. For more than 30 years I suspected (what a terrible way to live).
Today it is great to be able to step back and look at my life and think 'it wasn't me that caused all the drama, but at least I held it all together'.

I look at my three grown up boys, each with his own girlfriend, and I know my journey was well worth the effort.

May this inspire somebody out there today.

Lawyerman posted 12/11/2017 04:32 AM

Thank you. I hope I get to that point. All those fond memories seem tainted at the moment.

Like you, it wasn't me. Tough times yes but those are to be expected and you don't just jump into the arms of someone else for 'attention'.

The fallout from my WW stupid actions have been massive emotionally and financially. Absolutely massive.

iamanidiot posted 12/11/2017 07:37 AM

Hi there Lawyerman

and you don't just jump into the arms of someone else for 'attention'.
Actually I think it is more selfish than that. Something along the lines of 'I like the attention, it's nice & I want more.'
And right there, that's when the brain stops doing the thinking.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 12/11/2017 08:28 AM

I LOVE seeing this post dear Sir!!! You have come a LONG way since you first posted here...GOOD FOR YOU !!! I don't like your username at all...and this post shows how very UNLIKE your username you are . THANKS so much for this inspirational story!!!

somanyyears posted 12/11/2017 09:03 AM

..hey Iaman,

Congrats on 41 years , we're veterans with that many years under our belts.

Sisoon and I, and a few others... have seniority in the 'over 50' club.

Thanks for your post on my thread last week..

it too, was a 'good' day..

Have a wonderful day and enjoy the holiday season (Merry Christmas etc. etc.......Happy Kwanza)


[This message edited by somanyyears at 9:08 AM, December 11th (Monday)]

sisoon posted 12/11/2017 09:42 AM

Still, welcome to the 41 club.

BTW, Gottman and his school say the prevalence of the type of memory you've related is a predictor of staying together. It used to bug the hell out of me that really good memories used to intrude on me while I was feeling my worst in the early post-d-day period.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:45 AM, December 11th (Monday)]

Oldwounds posted 12/11/2017 09:46 AM

Very glad you are doing better Iam.

Inspiration indeed. I hope the healing stuff continues.

devastated43 posted 12/11/2017 11:10 AM

I read your post this morning and I cried. I cried my eyes out while the beauty queen was asleep.

I saw myself in what you wrote. I saw myself years from now, being proud and content about the kind of parent I have been. That I have never given up on my kids and then I look at them with joy - my only source of joy - while feeling completely empty and unhappy in my marriage, if it still exists at that point.

Then I cried because I kept thinking: Why should I have to be the glue that keeps this together? We signed up for this to do this together!

iamanidiot posted 12/12/2017 03:07 AM

Thanks Guys for all your responses.
You & SI have been the wheels on my recovery train.
I shudder to think where I could have been without your support.


Why should I have to be the glue that keeps this together? We signed up for this to do this together!
Very true. But we all have to make our own choices. A friend committed suicide after his 2nd marriage ended (both wives betrayed him).
I have made my choice (actually making new choices every day and enjoying it).
As Doc said " the future is not written yet" (back to the future 3)

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