SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Reconciliation

dostl10 posted 3/11/2018 09:36 AM

Well today is the day. It's been 1 year since D-Day. It was a hell of a year. I don't know if I can find words to describe it anymore. Today I feel good. I feel positive. I am happy.

It was bad but also good. It took a real shit situation for me to learn some things about myself and make some changes that I don't think I ever would have if life went in the status quo it was. I feel like I am a better person in many ways right now.

We have been back living together for 3 months now and things are honestly very good. We are both all in. You have to be or it won't work. We work at this everyday. We probably have put more work into our relationship in the past 3 months then we did since our daughter was born 7 years ago.

She is and has been doing the work to be better. It seems silly to say sometimes but I am proud of her. We have a long way to go but I see a beautiful road. Right now I think it's a better road then the one we used to be on, we just took the exit through the really shitty part of town to get there.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Drumstick posted 3/11/2018 10:44 AM

What do you think you learned about yourself, dostl10? What changes are you continuing to make from this?

How about her? What changes do you see her making?

Drumstick

sisoon posted 3/11/2018 11:07 AM

I'm happy to read this, dost. I'm glad your W is doing the work.

dostl10 posted 3/11/2018 11:20 AM

Drumstick,

I've learned to be open. I used to close of my emotions. I put up a wall for everyone. I've learned to stop saying I'll do things and actually do them. I've learned to take time and really enjoy things for me. I've learned to control finances and not be afraid of them like I used to. I've learned to talk to my wife about things I need/want from her in all areas of our relationship. No more bottling things up just to keep the peace or whatever.

I see her setting up boundaries in all areas of her life. No more texting about work stuff with her colleagues on her days off or nights at home. She is expanding her relationships with "good" people. She is talking to me about her needs/wants in our relationship. No more keeping things in. She is helpful. She makes it a point to make time for us. We have done more in the last 3 months together then we have in a long time. We both are making a point to get quality time together alone, socially, with the kids.

The list goes on and on honestly. I feel like we are both new people in this and our dynamic as a couple while coming from something hellish has changed so much and I know we both see and feel the difference.

Marz posted 3/11/2018 11:22 AM

Glad for you.

Has intimacy returned?

dostl10 posted 3/11/2018 11:29 AM

In every way possible. Not just in the bedroom but in all aspects.

Drumstick posted 3/11/2018 15:01 PM

😃😃😃😃😃

Keep it rollling, Dostl10. Marriage is work. Nevertheless, I’m happy to hear about your update, what you’ve learned, and will continue working on.

Drumstick

[This message edited by Drumstick at 3:04 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

Want2BHappyAgain posted 3/11/2018 16:29 PM

GREAT update!!! Thanks so much for sharing !!!

strugglebus posted 3/11/2018 19:00 PM

Yay! I am so happy she is putting in the work and that you are feeling positive! <3

BearlyBreathing posted 3/12/2018 01:55 AM

glad to hear the positive update.

shellbean posted 3/12/2018 12:20 PM

What a great post! I am happy for you and your W that you have found a good place to be! Keep up the hard work. It will be worth the effort

LivingWithPain posted 3/12/2018 17:32 PM

In every way possible. Not just in the bedroom but in all aspects

Not trying to be the killjoy here, but if she is still not having sex with you... she IS NOT all in.

SoMelancholy posted 3/12/2018 17:39 PM

I took dostl10’s response to mean that they are having sex and that also they are intimate in other ways (closeness, conversation, etc). Because he said “not just in the bedroom.” He didn’t say, “except for the bedroom.”

dostl10 posted 3/12/2018 21:50 PM

There is intimacy on all levels. In the bedroom and out. That is what I meant.

LivingWithPain posted 3/13/2018 13:16 PM

I retract my statement then.

I'm happy for you.

Chaos posted 3/13/2018 13:27 PM

Best to you dostl10

Glad to hear the positive :)