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Reconciliation :
It's been 1 Year

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 dostl10 (original poster member #58597) posted at 3:36 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

Well today is the day. It's been 1 year since D-Day. It was a hell of a year. I don't know if I can find words to describe it anymore. Today I feel good. I feel positive. I am happy.

It was bad but also good. It took a real shit situation for me to learn some things about myself and make some changes that I don't think I ever would have if life went in the status quo it was. I feel like I am a better person in many ways right now.

We have been back living together for 3 months now and things are honestly very good. We are both all in. You have to be or it won't work. We work at this everyday. We probably have put more work into our relationship in the past 3 months then we did since our daughter was born 7 years ago.

She is and has been doing the work to be better. It seems silly to say sometimes but I am proud of her. We have a long way to go but I see a beautiful road. Right now I think it's a better road then the one we used to be on, we just took the exit through the really shitty part of town to get there.

I hope everyone is doing well.

posts: 743   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2017
id 8113229
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Drumstick ( member #55013) posted at 4:44 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

What do you think you learned about yourself, dostl10? What changes are you continuing to make from this?

How about her? What changes do you see her making?

Drumstick

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence - John Adams

posts: 496   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2016
id 8113273
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:07 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

I'm happy to read this, dost. I'm glad your W is doing the work.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31118   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8113289
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 dostl10 (original poster member #58597) posted at 5:20 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

Drumstick,

I've learned to be open. I used to close of my emotions. I put up a wall for everyone. I've learned to stop saying I'll do things and actually do them. I've learned to take time and really enjoy things for me. I've learned to control finances and not be afraid of them like I used to. I've learned to talk to my wife about things I need/want from her in all areas of our relationship. No more bottling things up just to keep the peace or whatever.

I see her setting up boundaries in all areas of her life. No more texting about work stuff with her colleagues on her days off or nights at home. She is expanding her relationships with "good" people. She is talking to me about her needs/wants in our relationship. No more keeping things in. She is helpful. She makes it a point to make time for us. We have done more in the last 3 months together then we have in a long time. We both are making a point to get quality time together alone, socially, with the kids.

The list goes on and on honestly. I feel like we are both new people in this and our dynamic as a couple while coming from something hellish has changed so much and I know we both see and feel the difference.

posts: 743   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2017
id 8113299
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 5:22 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

Glad for you.

Has intimacy returned?

posts: 6791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8113300
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 dostl10 (original poster member #58597) posted at 5:29 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

In every way possible. Not just in the bedroom but in all aspects.

posts: 743   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2017
id 8113305
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Drumstick ( member #55013) posted at 9:01 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

😃😃😃😃😃

Keep it rollling, Dostl10. Marriage is work. Nevertheless, I’m happy to hear about your update, what you’ve learned, and will continue working on.

Drumstick

[This message edited by Drumstick at 3:04 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence - John Adams

posts: 496   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2016
id 8113445
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 10:29 PM on Sunday, March 11th, 2018

GREAT update!!! Thanks so much for sharing !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6673   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8113512
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strugglebus ( member #55656) posted at 1:00 AM on Monday, March 12th, 2018

Yay! I am so happy she is putting in the work and that you are feeling positive! <3

BS -DDay: 9/26/16- Double Betrayal

Happily reconciling.

Be True to your Word. Don't take things Personally. Don't Make Assumptions. Do Your Best.

posts: 2557   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2016
id 8113606
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:55 AM on Monday, March 12th, 2018

glad to hear the positive update.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6483   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8113777
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shellbean ( member #56536) posted at 6:20 PM on Monday, March 12th, 2018

What a great post! I am happy for you and your W that you have found a good place to be! Keep up the hard work. It will be worth the effort

Together 29 years, M 20 years
Dday1 11/3/16 Dday2 11/1/17
PA '96-'98, PA Aug.'15-Nov.'16 Same AP
EA '09-'11
We are reconciled and doing well

posts: 1174   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2016   ·   location: Michigan
id 8113975
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LivingWithPain ( member #60578) posted at 11:32 PM on Monday, March 12th, 2018

In every way possible. Not just in the bedroom but in all aspects

Not trying to be the killjoy here, but if she is still not having sex with you... she IS NOT all in.

Me - 39; WW - 36
Married 13 years
1 Adopted Son age 18
Still married and living together: attempting to reconcile.

posts: 1072   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2017
id 8114280
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SoMelancholy ( member #59653) posted at 11:39 PM on Monday, March 12th, 2018

I took dostl10’s response to mean that they are having sex and that also they are intimate in other ways (closeness, conversation, etc). Because he said “not just in the bedroom.” He didn’t say, “except for the bedroom.”

Inside I'm slowly dying...

posts: 60   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2017
id 8114289
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 dostl10 (original poster member #58597) posted at 3:50 AM on Tuesday, March 13th, 2018

There is intimacy on all levels. In the bedroom and out. That is what I meant.

posts: 743   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2017
id 8114487
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LivingWithPain ( member #60578) posted at 7:16 PM on Tuesday, March 13th, 2018

I retract my statement then.

I'm happy for you.

Me - 39; WW - 36
Married 13 years
1 Adopted Son age 18
Still married and living together: attempting to reconcile.

posts: 1072   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2017
id 8114938
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 7:27 PM on Tuesday, March 13th, 2018

Best to you dostl10

Glad to hear the positive :)

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 4028   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8114946
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