I wrote about this on another forum and was directed here, so I will copy and paste my posts as long winded. Please help, thank you.
I have come here in the hope that sharing my dilemma might help me to come to terms with the utter heartbreak and devastation I am feeling right now. This is all so raw and very painful, I'm at rock bottom.
I have been married for 20 years to a man I thought was my soulmate and lifelong partner. Life has not been easy for us and we have had an awful lot to cope with, it took it's toll, but in some ways just made us stronger, or so I thought.
I stood by him through everything and when we lost everything, he stood by me too, though I do suspect in the very early days of our marriage he had a brief fling, but I could never prove it and he vehemently denied it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and since then there have been no other instances that I am aware of. he got sacked from his stable job of many years for fighting with a colleague and financially times were very difficult, he started drinking and piled on weight, he was clearly depressed. I looked after him, supported him, financially and otherwise and remained a very loyal wife to him.
Three years ago, we could no longer afford our mortgage as I was made redundant and so we were forced to sell it. we decided at that time to each live in different rented houses, to give ourselves some space and time to heal from all the problems we had faced. There were many which I wont go into but such as deaths in the family etc.
Even though we lived apart, we dated and he stayed at my house almost everyday, just returning home some nights to sleep and give us time apart. We had both agreed that we loved each other and aimed to save up for a house and renew our vows, neither of us could imagine life without the other and none us dated other people. We were commited to each other in everyway still, or so I thought.
I helped him set up a new business and it was going really well, for the first time in years we had some money to do things we hadnt been able to, such as go out for dinner and he even bought me a lovely pair of small diamond earrings. I honestly thought things were finally looking up for us and the black cloud had started to lift, life seemed good again and I was happier than I had been in years.
He asked me again at Christmas time if I was ready to get a home together and go on holiday and renew our vows. To say I was over the moon was an under statement, I was elated and couldnt believe we were finally going to be able to get on with our lives. All our friends and family were made up for us as no one thought we could have come out of the things we suffered, still so much in love.
I insisted that he was to romance me again, not just come round for his dinner and to spend the night with me. He would ring me 20 times a day when we werent together and as recently as 4 weeks ago, he was swearing his undying love for me and I for him.
But suddenly and strangely he began coming round less saying he was busy and the regular phonecalls stopped. At first I did just think he was busy or sulking a bit as I wanted a commitment from him again as in to set a date for our renewal and to go house hunting.
Three days ago, my son announced that his father had a new girlfriend and that he had been going to stay with her. I was shocked to the core, I tried to ring him but he had blocked me. Our son then showed me photo's of the woman in question and complained that dad wouldnt anser his calls and that his phone was always off. Totally out of character. I have now discovered that indeed he is seeing this woman and has been at her house for a week, taking her and her children out and obviously being intimate with her.
I literally collapsed with shock and hurt, taken to hospital but was discharged after a few hours and a sedative.
I cannot begin to explain the pain, it is physical, mental and is torturing me. I cannot get the images of them together out of my head and have not eaten or slept for almost 3 days now. I have tried keeping busy and supporting our son who is totally beside himself at being what he desribes as 'abandoned for a cheap tart and her kids' I have heard him crying through the night and seeing him in so much pain is awful.
How could he do this to us? she is a client of the company and he first had contact with her baout 4 weeks ago and met here when he went to stay at her house 2 weeks ago. Now he is playing daddy to her kids and she seems to be all he cares about.
I feel like my life has just crashed around me, I coudt possibly have him back after he has slept with her as I know I would never be able to forgive him.
I am in a daze, retching, sobbing and unable to function properly. I feel I have lost everything and been discarded like a piece of rubbish.
I am in my early 50's and have dedicated my life to him, so am not one for going out or socialising and to be honest even getting out of bed right now is a struggle.
He was supposed to come home saturday and take our son out, he didnt show and his phone was off.
I know from the photo's ive seen that she is an attractive lady, far more so than me, she has a lovely home and a gorgeous model like figure. She is eastern european and has those lovely model like looks, i could never begin to compete with.
So whilst he is wining and dining her, buying her lavish gifts, I am a wreck trying to get through each day.
If it was ever possible to die of a broken heart, then I am sure I will. I love him with everything I have, i thought we were always going to be together. My elder son (not biologically his but with him from 9 months old) sent him a message saying 'what are you doing, I cannot stand to hear mum and my brother cry like this, have you any idea what you are doing to them?' he simply replied, 'your mother and I split up 3 years ago' I didnt think we had, nor did he til 4 weeks ago when he was looking at holidays and new wedding rings for us.
I know time heals, but how on earth do I get through each day like this? The pain is too bad to cope with, my life as I knew it has gone, my future, my hopes and dreams, my happiness and most of all the man I loved beyond what I thought possible.
Please help me, Im truly broken and in a very dark place.
Thank you