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Unexpected discovery

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toughtotrust posted 7/21/2018 14:04 PM

Does she have an android phone? If she does, and location tracking is on, and the data has not been cleared, its nearly as good as a GPS. You can see how long she was at that bar, if she was there multiple times and if she went anywhere before of after. The logs are saved until cleared, and can be viewed by date or locations on a map.

An iphone may have similar abilities.

I'm not saying anything happened, but there are too many stories where an innocent "misunderstanding" turns out to be a full blown affair.

The one thing that does seem rare: burner phones. They are brought up often, but its rare to read about someone who is actually caught with one, though, yes, it does happen. What is more common: Communication through chat features in games and other apps that seem innocent, Dice w/Buddies for example. If your wife plays at lot of games, it might be worth checking into this.

[This message edited by toughtotrust at 2:36 PM, July 21st (Saturday)]

LtCdrLost posted 7/21/2018 14:28 PM

I predict this OP is only at the beginning of learning who he is married to. Pal, you've been gaslit...

confused1976 posted 7/21/2018 14:57 PM

I am agreeing with some of these thoughts, even after my conversation with my wife...the term gas lit was used, maybe.. I will verify her story completely. Haven't found a burner phone, but she did know something about a sims chip, which was news to me. There might be one at her office. I checked the bills and there are some purchases that I need to check out- no lingerie, but travel things, which may just be part of her job. I have found issues with the timeline with the 'I love you' thread that m**** posted the day prior to her birthday. Sent at 7 and replied to a 11pm....I remember that night well because I had to work late and then went to bed early as we were headed to pick up our son at college the next day -- celebrating her bday with him. The two problems; my wife is prompt with text replies and her reply was almost answering another complement...totally different language. She said something like 'I am not that glamorous....I have a college age son...' He just said he loved her!?!?! But this was a FB message and from what I read is that once erased these messages cannot be recovered ...pretty convenient, It looks as if the whole chat was tailored. I have a vivid imagination and can imagine multiple scenarios - Good and bad, now I need to find a way to verify and I will. The last thing that's tricks me is the sheer lack of saving all communications even with our children and other. My wife cleans our her in and out boss all the time with her email... She keeps nothing. I think my scan may find some of the lost messages. Some things which are not bothering me too much: usual time" that she refered was time they met in college again plausible. The last thing that bothered me is that they used emojis to say goodbye to each other in the text messag last week -- nothing with hearts, but smiling blushing faces; wtf does that mean? By no means and I going to let this slide, and for now I think I have them regrouping if there is anything to this. If so, then they will make a mistake, if not them nothing is lost.

Jman posted 7/21/2018 15:08 PM

VAR her car and youíll have your answer.

Booyah posted 7/21/2018 15:09 PM

I would have waited and tried to gather more info before confronting. If anything is going on all you've done is alerted her and it's going to go further underground.

Definitely need to get some VAR in place (her car and places in the house where she speaks on the phone).

"Usual time"?

Agree with LTC that you've been gaslit.....

Jman posted 7/21/2018 17:22 PM

Hi Confused,

You seem to be trying to convince yourself it isnít as bad as it looks. The bottom line is another man told your wife he loves her and she did not shut it down. That is a big fín deal. It does appear like she is gaslighting you, and if she is as smart as you say Iím sure she can probably manipulate the situation to her advantage. Please consider a couple of VARs, quickly.

Western posted 7/21/2018 18:13 PM

dude, wake up and smell the coffee.

You are going around in circles but you know what the deal is.

The question is if you have the courage to confront it or not

Ponus18 posted 7/21/2018 21:06 PM

It sounds like her story doesnít add up. Parts do. But parts donít. Thatís what happens with lies. When someone tells the truth it all fits together.

Maybe itís a boundaries issue. If so that needs to be addressed.

But your gut and the story with holes is telling you there may be more. Now that you confronted her, if indeed there is something going on, she will be extra cautious. IF being the operative word.

I would again seek out more evidence - use a VAR for example. If it were me I would want to make darn sure I wasnít being gaslit. I was. Itís mind boggling how good my WW was at standing in front of me and lying through her teeth. I read people very well, but I was completely duped.

trustedg posted 7/21/2018 23:42 PM

Be careful, be vigilant. It sounds like there was at least inappropriate contact. You might want to get "Not Just Friends" and read it. Good book on just how easy it is to slip into it.

Buster123 posted 7/22/2018 10:53 AM

If She's doing something wrong, whe's going to go deep underground, I would get 3 VAR's one in the car, one in the bedroom, and one in the bathroom, I would also get a couple of spycams (one in bathroom and another in bedroom)to see if she's taking pictures/videos of herself to send to him. If she's going alone on her trip I would have a PI follow her, it's worth the money for a possible life altering event like this.

GoldenR posted 7/22/2018 11:33 AM

How many years ago was college for her?

Jman posted 7/22/2018 11:41 AM


I was thinking the same thing. If OPís son is in college, that would be close to 20 years ago. Its quite the stretch for her to believe her and the AP would both remember an old meet time from 20 years ago. More like 20 days ago if you ask me.....

MickeyBill2016 posted 7/22/2018 11:53 AM

The last thing that bothered me is that they used emojis to say goodbye to each other in the text messag last week -- nothing with hearts, but smiling blushing faces; wtf does that mean?

Like everything else on the internet there are many meanings. Sexy emojis gey the point across HUGE Red flag would be the Halo wearing "Angel Baby"
Eggplant +Taco=Fire is pretty obvious
Multiple face making o with mouth is blowjob (new to me!)

Blush -This emoticon can have one of two meanings. Either you are tickled pink by what you just read, or you're completely satisfied and speechless.
The Blush is best used when your man has said or done something sweet and you feel he needs to be rewarded Ö with an emoticon.

Hey there/Winky - If you're done beating around the bush, feel free to send a scandalous message with a wink in order to get your point across. Words can only say so much. Once you send a Hey There, there's no returning to friend territory.

Angel Baby means sex. There's really no way around it. Putting Angel Baby in any sentence simply says, "I am d-o-w-n to get dirty." Don't let the angelic face fool you. It is basically the foreplay of the emoji world, there is bound to be some naughty action taking place as soon as you are face-to-face.

Some people may use these without knowing their hidden internet meaning, and some know the double entendre.

Good luck and keep an eye on things. Verify the upcoming trip plans, keep her phone tracking going and watch your Spidey senses if there are last minute changes in plans like another day extension or everyone else is going on one day and she will catch up with them.

You mentioned SIM card, if she travels overseas a SIM card can be for another or international carrier. Seems like a pain for an A.

An easier way to get another clandestine phone is with Google Voice. You can get another phone # on a smart phone. I buy and sell a lot on Craiglist and don't really want the sometimes shady folks to know a real number. It is free and uses the app Google Voice". If that is on her phone she has a "burner" on her phone.

Last question, are you sure the possible OM is divorced?

Good luck - you are doing great.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 12:07 PM, July 22nd (Sunday)]

MickeyBill2016 posted 7/22/2018 12:16 PM

"Its quite the stretch for her to believe her and the AP would both remember an old meet time from 20 years ago. More like 20 days ago if you ask me....."

For me it's the opposite.
If you said let's meet at the place we met a month ago I'd have to confirm what the palce was.
OTOH If you said let's meet at the usual place from high school/college I'd know where and when (4pm school days or 930pm summer break) the sad thing is one is now a BMW dealer and the other is a Medical Dental Center !

Michigan posted 7/22/2018 12:30 PM

Definitely need to get some VAR in place (her car and places in the house where she speaks on the phone).


The most productive time for a VAR is when you confront. Please tell me you followed my advice and had one in place.

WhatsRight posted 7/22/2018 12:40 PM

Oh, shit!

Sorry for the t/j, but I have just found out that I have sent INAPPROPRIATE emojis on multiple occasions. 😳 (is that one OK?)

I HATE technology and betrayal. And what great companions they are!!!

End t/j

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 9:03 PM, July 29th (Sunday)]

Jman posted 7/22/2018 13:30 PM

Mickey Bill,

The OP said ďusual timeĒ not place, I would agree if it was a place but remembering a meeting time from 20 years ago.....I do t think so.

MickeyBill2016 posted 7/22/2018 14:09 PM

Sorry for the t/j, but I have just found out that I have sent INAPPROPRIATE emojis on multiple occasions. 😳 Iis that one OK?)

😯😯😯😯 is supposed to be BJ
And for some reason 😇 is the nastiest.

Google sexy emoji for more! I know I have unknowingly sent things to the wrong people LoL

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 2:19 PM, July 22nd (Sunday)]

confused1976 posted 7/22/2018 14:38 PM

Well I have been doing a little more digging on the internet mostly FB and found that the OP started his interactions with my wife right at the end of his marriage, almost exactly 3 years ago -- the happy anniversary posts didn't happen that year tan then he began posting comments and likes on my wife FB account (also none of his friends wished his wife a happy birthday that year either.) I don't know but maybe he started looking up old friends to remember better times. Almost from the start, he was one of the top commentators of my wife's posting for the next two years liking everything. All seemed appropriate, sometimes referring to something from college.
Then there was the invite to the bar, which rolled into a private set of messages which seemed to be edited -- saying pretty much the same thing as the public FB comments, which is stupid. Six months later on the night before my wife birthday -- a big transitional one -- he private messaged her with his profession of love to my wife which then involved a highly edited conversation. My wife's terminal reply was at 11 pm and a single message that didn't address his profession of love -- thanks but I am not that glamorous etc etc... Now in a previous post I said I remembered that night -- I was wrong -- this event happened the day before we picked our son up after fall semester, but we were at dinner at our favorite restaurant and I actually saw the message on her phone-- at the time I had had a few beers and my wife had gone into the restroom, when her phone buzzed and I looked at it -- seeing the message, I froze felt odd, but thought it was a B-day joke and placed it down -- hoping she would reveal. But a few beers later I forgot about it until I started working out the time line and then it came back to me. That night we got home around 8:30 and talked and then I went to bed without her, but she must have chatted with him later-- or saw it later and replied. Anyway, I remember distinctly a weird feeling seeing that -- it was the same feeling that I got when I saw the new texts from this guy.
Any way I did a little analysis and after the invite, his FB comments slacked off a little and picked up more recently unless there is a pic of me -- never likes my pics, my kids or my wife (especially, sure always a like), but maybe I might be reading into this. Definitely the guy is obsessed with my wife and she still must feel he is at least a friend, not knowing his intention -- worse...well she is screwing him any chance she gets and last week I threw a wrench into their fun. Now based on her claims, the former is the situation and it remains to be found whether the latter is actually the case.

The problem I have is that the quy is not that great -- he looks like a nice guy, ok looking, fun family pic, travels likes music; he has a slight built and is kind of thin and of average height. Honestly, I think my wife could have done better if she wanted to have an affair --does this sort of logic hold any weight?I culd she her liking this deuchebag as friend, but... I have doubt, but what do I know. Right now I have a VAR in place and another on order. The forensic software is still enroute. I am also trying to find phone call data -- I can't find a bill anywhere in the house?? To everyone, I think that this may be a lesson, to not completely cut yourself from all house hold tasks, if you choose to divide the labor. I can't stand paying bills and let my wife deal with all that crap, but if this issue is something that has been going on for the past year, I could have probably nipped it after the first phone bill.

Anyway, as for planning for her conference trip this weekend, I found this free online software/website that tracks cell phones with just the number, so if both my wife's and her friend's phone travel 1000 miles each to the same small Midwestern city this will be pretty obvious. As far as the emojis ... no clue but all ones they use are smiling and super happy and sometimes blushing, who knows. Its like another frigging language that makes no sense. Thanks for the advise, everyone and I will keep you posted.

VeryspecialK posted 7/22/2018 15:02 PM

If your wife really IS completely innocent in all of this, after your investigation is finished, this guy needs to be cut out of her life permanently. No conditions. Think of him as a predator.

It would disturb me that she has never mentioned any of this to you. She met him at bars at the ďusual timeĒ. he even professed his love for her. Something isnít right here. Wouldnít you think she would have said something if it was all on the up and up? Maybe she just enjoys the attention and hasnít acted on any of it.

Either way, act like you are completely over it and then start diggging until you are convinced one way or another. Protect your marriage.

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