"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Angelopt9 posted 1/13/2019 17:25 PM

Hello,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. I was cleaning my room and I came across an old box filled with all these letters, gifts, and pictures from my ex. We were together for 5 years but when I found out about her multiple affairs during the last 15 months of the relationship I had to let her go. It’s been over a year and half since I found out and I haven’t heard from her since last January. I just don’t know what to do with these things I found, especially the letters. Reading them feels so surreal cause they are filled with love and hope for our future yet they come from a person that betrayed and disrespected me. Any advice or things to think about before I decide what to do with these? I feel like if I throw them away then I’m just ignoring these very life-defining years of my life but if I keep them I feel like I’m telling myself that I haven’t really moved on yet. Thanks.

Snapdragon posted 1/13/2019 17:40 PM

Personally, I would throw them all away. But, if you are on the fence, you could always scan them and keep them electronically until you feel totally ok about deleting them. Throw away the originals. As for the gifts, I guess that depends. If they are useful then keep them if their presence doesn't cause you pain. If they can be useful to others then donate them.

Yes, these things represent a period of your life. Getting rid of them doesn't erase the memories or the life lessons, the joys, the experiences. Things are just that. Things.

On the flip side, keeping them for a bit longer doesn't mean you haven't moved on. However, I would caution you to get rid of them when you get into a new relationship! If I found out that my SO was harboring old love letters I'd seriously worry if he was really ready to be in a full relationship with me.

Phoenix1 posted 1/13/2019 18:24 PM

Bonfire. Very cathartic, symbolic, and liberating.

deena04 posted 1/13/2019 18:55 PM

^^^what she said^^^

If you are not ready for that bonfire, then save them in a box or whatever until you feel that day has arrived. You'll know when you are ready to burn them.

EvenKeel posted 1/14/2019 07:27 AM

The words in those letters represent the person you wanted her to be. You know now who the real person is. They represent the relationship you thought you had. You now know what it really was.

I vote for getting rid of them as well. But the fact that you are actually reading them says maybe you are just not ready yet. If not, box/tape them up, put in storage and revisit the subject down the road.

I feel like if I throw them away then I’m just ignoring these very life-defining years of my life

I don't think it will. I am sure that pain is burned deep into your life's footprint.

TrustGone posted 1/16/2019 13:20 PM

I burned a lot of things and hung onto a few. I still have a few remnants (mainly pictures, jewelry, etc.) of the years I spent with XWH#1 and XWH#2. I will eventually rid myself of some of the things, but other's I will keep to remind myself of the lies they both told. I have remarried, but it doesn't mean I haven't moved on because I kept some of the things. It's part of my past and I was happy, if oblivious to what was happening behind the scenes. I was authentic, even if he wasn't. If it causes you pain, then get rid of it or box it back up and store it away to decide later. There is no right or wrong.

WornDown posted 1/16/2019 15:07 PM

FIRE!

AbandonedGuy posted 1/24/2019 17:18 PM

I still have texts from her, one week before I caught her affair, where she's gushing over how much she loves me in the usual way that she would do that via text. Oh what tangled webs of lies these goofballs weave.

I initially wanted to burn it all up, but I'm glad I didn't. Early on, I forced myself to look at our most triggering photos (like our wedding photos) until I felt nothing, or the feelings were numbed. Now I can look at her photo and feel absolute zilch, so one day in the future I might want to take a trip down memory lane. And even if I got a little emotional, I won't mind.

But that's me. I'm 100% on the side of anyone who says burn it all up. If I were still in my 20s, I'd probably do just that.

CatsEye posted 2/1/2019 01:59 AM

Considering how long I was married, if I burned up everything that had associations with my exhole, I'd have nothing left. To include my beloved pets.

If getting rid of the stuff will make you feel better and make it easier to move on, then get rid of it. If you aren't sure, then set it aside until later.

CatsEye posted 2/1/2019 01:59 AM

Considering how long I was married, if I burned up everything that had associations with my exhole, I'd have nothing left. To include my beloved pets.

If getting rid of the stuff will make you feel better and make it easier to move on, then get rid of it. If you aren't sure, then set it aside until later.