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Shattered & Heartbroken

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LivingWithPain posted 3/18/2019 16:20 PM

Was prescribed as 0.5mg to 1mg rapidly if 0.5 has no effect.
His office screwed up and sent as a script for 0.5mg tablets, so IF it does have to build a level, I guess that by the time it might help it'll already run out. FML

Was this guy your general practitioner? If so, you may want to schedule an intake with a real psychiatrist who is more knowledgeable and can monitor your needs more accurately.

I went to a psychiatrist and she put me on Zoloft for a couple of months after DDay. It helped take the edge off my pain and allowed me to think more objectively.

SaddestDad posted 3/20/2019 09:39 AM

Was this guy your general practitioner? If so, you may want to schedule an intake with a real psychiatrist who is more knowledgeable and can monitor your needs more accurately.

Yes, he was. Still is my GP (not dropping him lol) but I'm not taking that shit again. Yesterday I still had the side effects. No way Jose.

I think I'm going to try to go the holistic approach with meditation, venting properly, and allowing my WW to prove she's a FWW without adding further judgement.

She has not yet finished the timeline because we're having a holiday tonight and tomorrow, plus going to my cousin's wedding over the weekend and we don't want to potentially create more heartache and difficulty keeping a smile on my face in public.
I've given a deadline of this coming week for the timeline to be properly finished without writing it like a goddam romance novel (again).

I slept for a LONG time last night... passed out around 830pm, woke up at 1, then fell back asleep until 730. I think I'm getting better. I don't have any choice to NOT get better.

OptionedOut posted 3/21/2019 07:57 AM

You want to blame the men, but they didn't cheat alone. No one held a gun to her head. Your wife did this, willingly.

After DDay, i learned that my WS had been the affair partner twice, long before meeting me. I'm telling you, these people have no integrity or boundaries. They are self-absorbed.

I promise you, nice won't work. When I found out WS had been lying, I begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, attempted to reason. He just dug in deeper. He treated me WORSE.

She needs a serious wake-up call.

Tell the other betrayed spouses.
Tell her family.
Do a 180. Stat.
See a lawyer. Stat. Let her know you have contacted one.
Tell her she needs psychiatric help, because she does.
Take care of you and your daughter.

And believe me - trust NOTHING she says. Only actions. If you don't have trust, what do you have? If she doesn't show you remorse and do what you need quickly, rethink her as a partner. If she doesn't learn, if she doesn't take SERIOUS steps to fix herself, she WILL do this again and again. Is that what you want your daughter to see?

180. Out her. Get screen shots of the messages. Lawyer up.

SaddestDad posted 3/23/2019 23:50 PM

You want to blame the men, but they didn't cheat alone. No one held a gun to her head. Your wife did this, willingly.

I'm well aware that she is 100% at fault

She needs a serious wake-up call.

Wakeup call was definitely received by her. That's not the current issue.

All that you have suggested are things that have been addressed prior. I appreciate your advice nonetheless, OptionedOut.

SaddestDad posted 3/24/2019 00:04 AM

UPDATE:
This Frisay night/Saturday wasn't bad. Went to a family function that I was looking forward to prior to DDay, but had been reluctant about after DDay. The food was out of the frigging world (DESSERT HAD 6 COURSES ALONE!!). I also did some pretty good networking, potentially making 2 connections that could land me a new (and absolutely necessary at this point) job. Will see what happens.

Anyway, as we were on the way back home tonight, I started to slump once more.
See, the entire time we were there, there was no, "US-time." I didn't expect that to hit me the way it did but... I guess I should've been smarter than that and should've expected it.

Once in the car and while I was going over the weekend in my head, I also started crying inside... I wasn't happy for my family member who's getting married as I SHOULD be. I wasn't happy to be around happy people. I was gritting my teeth and grinning through my pain.
I was on my best behavior... not for my sake, but for theirs. And realizing that - it fuckin hurt.

Once back home, W initiated sex... but even though I did want sex, I also didn't. I felt like the initiative was being forced. I even mentioned that, to which she said, "if I didn't want it myself, I'd not be doing this..." which, true it may be, doesn't make me feel any better.

I just wish this shit had never happened. I wish the shithead AP had died in a horrific manner years ago. I wish OBS leaves him out in the dark without so much as a Maytag box to live in.
Obviously, I've got no control over those things... what do have control over are my own feelings and emotions. I know this, and yet, I can't even seem to control them as I should if I were healthy.

I wish I could call her my FWW... but in my current state of mind, the only F I can use with honest context is prefaced by, "What the," and concluded with, "uck is wrong with me."

One day, some day, I know I'll be good again. Until then, I'm just a miserable and unemployed POS that can't even get the right meds to resolve my inner pain without creating more issues.

LivingWithPain posted 3/25/2019 15:06 PM

You said this was a family function.

Was there any attendees who were aware of what went down?

SaddestDad posted 3/25/2019 22:55 PM

You said this was a family function.
Was there any attendees who were aware of what went down?

LWP, no. None of the people at this function are aware of anything.
They're kinda the "elite" side of the family. Upper echelon sorta people where I fit in more than the rest of my FOO, but way out of the league of people to be open with, you know what I mean?

SaddestDad posted 3/27/2019 10:02 AM

Recently, I've been waking up dizzy every few days... is that possibly Dday related? Anyone have any insight?

Marz posted 3/27/2019 10:28 AM

Check your blood pressure

LivingWithPain posted 3/27/2019 11:51 AM

LWP, no. None of the people at this function are aware of anything.

They're kinda the "elite" side of the family. Upper echelon sorta people where I fit in more than the rest of my FOO, but way out of the league of people to be open with, you know what I mean?

Yeah and look what kind of woman those "elites" produced.

As a requirement for reconciliation, she should tell them...herself. Why hasn't she?

Recently, I've been waking up dizzy every few days... is that possibly Dday related? Anyone have any insight?

Yeah get your blood pressure and blood sugar levels checked.

Are you eating well? Are you making sure to get enough potassium and electrolytes every day?

[This message edited by LivingWithPain at 11:52 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]

SaddestDad posted 3/27/2019 12:00 PM

Yeah and look what kind of woman those "elites" produced.

As a requirement for reconciliation, she should tell them...herself. Why hasn't she?


.... they're from my side of the family. Every family has the wealthy elitist cousins, right? Well, these are mine.

As for my WW telling her side, again, it's the religion aspect which would absolutely decimate my in-laws from the shame.
I love my in-laws. I can't do that to them.

One day, perhaps she'll be able to, but I'm not going to destroy her relationship with her parents, nor force her to do so herself.

Are you eating well? Are you making sure to get enough potassium and electrolytes every day?

Since Dday, I've been binge-eating sooooo probably not.

I do think it's hypotension since I haven't been having coffee nor my adderall in the morning ever since Dday. My BP has always been perfect when I take my adderall, which means that by not taking it, my BP is obviously lower than it should be.

[This message edited by SaddestDad at 12:10 PM, March 27th (Wednesday)]

pureheartkit posted 3/27/2019 23:50 PM

Hey I think you should not be so hard on yourself. This is awful stuff. Nobody goes through it the same. You are just trying to get your health in balance while you process this trauma. Nobody expects you will feel normal. We all want happiness and good fortune. That's human nature to want that. We all want good relationships. We all want to feel like we know things are going in a good direction. It's hard to feel the loss of these things that provide peace of mind.

But this does not say anything about you as a person. You are not defined by these temporary things. This situation will pass. You will be understanding and able to help someone else in the future. I'm glad you went out. I hope you hear some good news soon.

The1stWife posted 3/28/2019 06:13 AM

Have you checked your blood sugar levels?

Low blood sugar can do that to you.

SaddestDad posted 4/5/2019 17:27 PM

Hey everyone,
Just checking in. Really rough week in SD-Land. Entire family (including myself) had the flu. Pretty nasty fuckin' bug.

In top of that, I'm pretty sure the anger you've all mentioned has started to hit me today. I'm disgusted by the way I'm lashing out.

The weird thing is that you'd think the anger would take the place of sadness, no? Well, if you thought that then ya thought wrong!

I'm not taking meds anymore. I stopped 'em myself. Doc won't be so happy when I reach out to refill ambien but not to refill klonopin nor effexor but I don't care. That shit was too rough on me and didn't benefit me enough to even make it worth the added difficulties.

I'm hanging in there... day by day & night by night.

You know how performance coaches and biologists say that we have a peak level of performance at a specific time each day? Well, I think that the converse must clearly be true, since I seem to have a peak level of angst and negativity each day at the same time (late-afternoon/early-evening). Maybe it will be a different story once I'm employed again... anyway, thanks again everyone for your support and strength. 🙏

pureheartkit posted 4/6/2019 00:31 AM

I do not think it is odd at all that your moods are conforming to a cycle in the day. think about what you are eating four to six hours previously. Are you experiencing a blood glucose drop? Do you feel hunger or cravings with the agitated mood or blues? A desire for coffee or caffeinated sodas? Is this when you feel tired because you have been up x number of hours?

Try a complex carb like oatmeal or a whole grain which has some fiber. Simple carbs and sugars can bounce your mood a d energy up and down. Another idea is to plan a relaxing activity like a shower or bath when you know the time is coming up. Make some tea and listen to a podcast on something that you find interesting. Focus outward on learning, not in on yourself during these times. Books and podcasts are nice because you can discuss ideas with people later on.

You are going to come through this. I used to go every week to the local Chinese garden and hear traditional flute and sometimes other instruments. I needed a break. It was free and I felt like I was learning something about music. Looking at the lotus in the pond and watching the fish slowly swim required nothing of me but to go and be present. Sometimes I went early and wiped the benches where the older people gathered to sit under the weeping branches of the tree. That was my small way to give something on flute days. The flute and the soft sounds of voices speaking a language I can't understand and the laughter was calming to me. I also liked the fish and one in particular that was friendly.

When I get stressed, my feet will often ache. If you feel the same tiredness in your feet, perhaps your WS could rub them with some warmed oil.

You may find some relief with using scented oils in your home. Popular Calming scents are vanilla, lavender, sandalwood,redwood, cedar. go to a place that sells essential oils and see what you find soothing. I love tuberrose, Jasmine, and carnation in small amounts. Lemon, carnation, Eucalyptus, clove and cinnamon will be stimulating and sometimes it's nice to use one of these in the morning as you proceed with small tasks. You could boil some spices on the stove. My friend likes to simmer Apple peel, cinnamon and a bit of clove. Sometimes she uses lemon peel and a bit of clove.
I hope you can find something that comforts you.

survrus posted 4/6/2019 12:01 PM

SD,

You wrote, Since Dday, I've been binge-eating sooooo probably not.

Yea I can relate to that, after my W had her affair with OM1 I would binge eat when she left we alone in the house.

I would go from place to place in the house for anything to eat, like someone looking for lost love. It takes an infinite amount of food to compensate for lost love so it never helped.

pureheartkit posted 4/8/2019 00:34 AM

You can eat a big bowl of pasta,or potatoes or a whole pizza and have a crash with mood swings four to five hours later.

Some people instinctively eat when they are stressed. If you need to chew on something try veggies or jerky. If your brain is craving carbs, try something that won't raise your insulin too much but is sweet with fiber like an Apple or jicama. Drink a glass of Water. After 20 minutes, the craving/ hunger should ease.


SaddestDad posted 4/14/2019 16:56 PM

Although the past week was somewhat of a good week (all things considered, LOL-cry), today has been a very bad and very rough day for me.

It still feels like everything she does is forced.

It still feels like all I can see and think about are them going at it.

All I can think of when we're having sex is the text she sent him the first time she tried going NC (2 weeks before our first wedding anniversary) in response to how she's coping...

"I think of you, I think of us & I get off "

How am I supposed to believe that she's not thinking of him?

How am I supposed to believe that when her eyes are closed, it's not him that she's seeing?

How am I supposed to believe her that he NEVER gave her an orgasm when they were physical for years before I came into the picture AND he took her virginity to begin with??

Why should I believe anything? Why should I believe IN anything?

Rustylife posted 4/14/2019 17:18 PM

It's hard and I didn't reconcile but try to focus on the present. Ruminating is taxing for both thr spouses. Focus on what she's doing now to improve and become a better wife.

I hope that the job search is going well. Staying busy and going back to the role of a provider for will be good for your self esteem.

SaddestDad posted 4/28/2019 11:15 AM

Hey everyone, just checking in. Passover just ended. It actually wasn't as bad as I dreaded. Even though she and I didn't do any trips with the kids, we did do a foot massage and pedicures together, which was nice.

Oh, and I got a job! I start on Monday :)

My mind has been going dark a LOT less. I know it's still a marathon that has a lot of coverage to go over, but I'm feeling much more confident that I can go those further miles.

I'm also significantly more assured that she's doing all she can. Her efforts have been showing every day since my last post.

I cannot say enough how grateful I am for all of you.

The only thing I'm saddened by is not having seem OBS come onto the site. I gave her the site info when I first broke the news to her. It makes me concerned about how things are going for her.

I also have a bit of FOMO of not knowing what she ended up choosing to do about POSOM. I guess I miss the potential satisfaction of seeing his life in ruins but if she did choose R, I pray it's the right choice for her and her kids.

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