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Rockmond49 posted 4/15/2019 13:50 PM

What do I do now. Wife cheated with same guy again with same guy after 15 months of NC. Said she had to get closure. Don't believe if your screwing that counts as closure

sewardak posted 4/15/2019 13:57 PM

I'm so sorry. Do you have children?
What were the consequences for her doing it again?

Odonna posted 4/15/2019 14:14 PM

After the first time did she go into IC? Did she hand over passwords and give you total transparency on her phone and social media? What did you do to set boundaries and consequences? If these things did not happen, the history here shows that relapse is common.

But at rock bottom she knows what her affair did to you, and she chose to do it again. So that says she never felt remorse and empathy for the devastation she wreaked on you. She put her selfish sick desire to “finish” with him ahead of you and your kids. Can you forgive that? Can you respect the woman she has now shown you she really is? Is she a role model for your daughters and a pillar of what your sons should for in a wife?

Tell us more about your situation and many will share their experiences and insights.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

[This message edited by Odonna at 2:15 PM, April 15th (Monday)]

max2018 posted 4/15/2019 14:17 PM

Unless you are playing by baseball rules 3 strikes and you're out you should be done

You should at least call a lawyer

ItsNotMe posted 4/15/2019 14:18 PM

Seems to me going NC counts as closure. What she did is just plain old cheating.

I am not sure how you would come back from this one. She may need closure again in a few month, or years. Like she didn't cause enough pain the first time. This is just twisting the knife. Not R material..

Sorry you're here....

[This message edited by ItsNotMe at 2:19 PM, April 15th (Monday)]

Curious9 posted 4/15/2019 14:27 PM

Serve her divorce papers and tell her you need closure too.

Shockedmom posted 4/15/2019 14:30 PM

I’m sorry Rockmond. She is not a safe partner for you. She wasted a second chance and disregarded the pain you would experience. Please get a therapist to help you deal with the trauma and to reinforce that you deserve much better.

paboy posted 4/15/2019 14:38 PM

Firstly. What do you want to do?

28 yrs together is a long time, but sadly it appears you have lost this fight. She has given her heart/desires to another.

It is going to take you a little while to be able to accept this, but unfortunately she has chosen this road for you and your family to take.

Your choices are either rip the bandage off(Divorce her), and let the healing begin, or try to gradually heal it(attempt reconciliation again).

Either way, its going to be painful..

There is one sure thing though.. If you walk away now, you can at least feel with in your self that you have tried. That the children will be proud of this. If you stay this time, what does that project.. And how further down the road of recovery would you be if you showed serious consequences, and devorced/seperated from her the first time.

Make sure your decision this time is done with a projection to the future. Where is the most light/happiness/endearment is going to happen. Can staying with her this time going to accomplish this or is darkness going to remain in your home and life from here on in. Or ending it will remove the dark and allow light back into your life.

My thoughts and positive feelings to you as you decide and move forward.

tmacfire posted 4/15/2019 15:44 PM

Sorry Rockmond, sounds like time for a lawyer. Im sick for you.

Wool94 posted 4/15/2019 16:03 PM

Rockmond49, I'm sorry you have a reason to be here. Can you give us more details so that we can help you?

Do you have children? How long have you been married and in a relationship with her? Is the AP (affair partner) married?

Keep posting and know that we are all here for you.

While you are here, check out the pinned posts on the front page of this forum. Also look in the yellow box on the left, right above Dr. Phil, check out the Healing Library over there.

Lots of good advice.

Hang in there brother. First and foremost is taking care of yourself.

Eat whenever you can. I know that food probably isn't too appealing at this point. If you can't do real food, try protein shakes.

The focus is to keep you healthy.

Next is to see your dr. They can help with several problems you might be having. Depression, Anxiety, insomnia, they've seen it all before.
Don't be afraid to tell them why you are there.

The biggest reason to see your dr. is to get checked out for STDs. It's a huge problem.

Next, try to find a physical activity that might be able to take your mind off of this pure hell.
My goto was Taekwondo. When I was through with a workout, I was so exhausted that I could get a little rest. Plus, they would let me kick people and not go to jail !

Do you have anyone to confide in? A parent, preacher, sibling, stranger on the street? I had so much support it wasn't funny. All it took was me putting it out there.

You never know what someone is going through unless your brave enough to share your struggles. I encourage you to find someone to confide in.

Keep posting and we'll be here.

fused posted 4/15/2019 16:05 PM

It should be obvious what to do now

The1stWife posted 4/15/2019 16:10 PM

Here are your options :

You do nothing. Perhaps the cheating stops. Perhaps it continues with same guy or some other guy.

You tell her you do not accept the fact she had contact with the OM. She makes promises this was only “one time” and you believe her. So nothing changes.

You tell her that unless she attends counseling and faces up to her issues - you will have no choice but to leave her. She then placates you and she makes some half hearted attempt to address her cheating. But there is a chance the Affair is underground and has not fully ended. Or it appears to have ended.

You tell her the marriage is over. You get an attorney and divorce her, knowing you gave it your best effort but she chose to disrespect you and your marriage by having contact with the OM.

Those are your options.

AbandonedGuy posted 4/15/2019 16:12 PM

When people show you who they are, believe them.

manofintegrity posted 4/15/2019 20:04 PM


[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:39 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

Marz posted 4/15/2019 20:29 PM

See an attorney

rugswept posted 4/15/2019 20:56 PM

it's seems this is closure for your marriage. how could you see this any other way?

violating NC and going off for more action appears to be the final actions of a serial cheater. she's addicted to AP.

Marz posted 4/15/2019 21:44 PM

You know 2 things.

1. She has the capability to cheat.

2. She proved that by doing it again so you really can't trust her.

You know what to do but like a lot you are indecisive.

Do you want to live looking over your shoulder?

anoldlion posted 4/16/2019 02:05 AM

Get your closure through an attorney. I do wish you well.

WilliamM posted 4/16/2019 09:02 AM

Sadly, it is time to close the marriage. Your wife decided to end the marriage when she went back after 15 months. I would file for divorce. I would inform the man's wife (if he is married). You said your poured your soul into "us and her". What did she do? What work did she do? There is a lack of understanding of the pain she caused if she had to go back to get closure. What does that even mean?

The1stWife posted 4/16/2019 09:19 AM

She may be counting on you doing nothing.

Maybe that is why she broke the no contact agreement.

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