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Different perspective 2.0

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Atg100 posted 8/16/2019 19:55 PM

As I said - I regret having even looked .
But on the other hand, I know in what sort of mindset she is : cloud cuckoo land

Marz posted 8/16/2019 19:58 PM

It's easy to put up that temporary facade but that's all it is.

NoOptTo posted 8/16/2019 20:03 PM

ATG, I hope your meeting with STBXWW is during her parenting time with the kids. She is the one that wanted the meeting. Why should you sacrifice your time with your kids only to appease her agenda. In the future if she wants any talks, make sure they are done during her parenting time. Time with your kids is too precious for you.

Atg100 posted 8/16/2019 20:05 PM

At this stage, I wonder if she actually will cancel.
She normally hasnít got the guts to have a direct conversation, and I surely will not talk about anything confrontational.
I also donít think there will be any future repetition .

AFL1000 posted 8/17/2019 04:57 AM

ATG we are all waiting in anticipation of the outcome of your meeting with your STBXW tomorrow morning. Members have speculated as to what her intentions are for requesting this meeting only 3 days out from mediation but only your STBXW currently knows.

I have posted that you should be cautious as to the purpose of the meeting, and with apologies for sounding like a broken record on repeat, please record this meeting. The law is on your side if you are concerned about making a recording as under Queensland legislation it is lawful for you to secretly record a private conversation to which you are a party. In some other Australian states this is not possible.

We all await with bated breath for your post as to what happens at tomorrow's meeting.

Atg100 posted 8/17/2019 05:09 AM

Thanks and I will follow your advice .
I can only assume that she feels guilty for taken my money and that she wants to hear from me that it is ok.

Tomorrow is a skirmish ; the battle is on Tuesday .
I canít win anything , but I can lose .
So Iíll be on my guard and essentially say nothing.

Sunny69 posted 8/17/2019 05:19 AM

Atg100, I doubt she really feels guilty about taking your money at this stage in the game.

She may have regrets, more likely she can't bear the thought of people thinking bad of her ( she doesn't even see it in herself) and wants you to see she is not a bad person.
She's made her choices throughout this journey, she just wants it all, which is at the heart of a WS isn't it? Selfish and entitled.

Remain strong and true to your self.

Kind regards,

Atg100 posted 8/17/2019 05:31 AM

Yes, she will come for ego kibbles.
I will practice my grey rock method , and will avoid feeding her kibbles.
Thatís the only way I can see it happening .
If I get emotional , Iíll pay for it on Tuesday

paboy posted 8/17/2019 14:17 PM

Hoping your get together today works out well. Ensure that you have your appropriate responses all pre thought through.

I suppose we can give alot of advice but your the only one who is going to have to deal with it. And I imagine that all this input just adds to the drama and tension.

Perhaps just try to enjoy today like you would any other and meeting with her like you would with any other.

Atg100 posted 8/17/2019 14:57 PM

Thanks paboy.
Like everything in life, timing is everything.
If she would have asked me to meet her, after my camping trip a few months ago, I would be emotionally invested.
Today, I just see her to be a narcissist who is worried that Tuesday means facing consequences.
I have nothing to tell her, and I expect nothing.

WhatsRight posted 8/17/2019 17:43 PM


I have just spent a bit of time reading this thread. Although I didn't read the "first installment", I wanted to say that I can really see your growth. I am so happy that soon this will be behind you.

I wanted to share something that may or may not be useful to you.

I was married to a man who had a 5 year old daughter. We got to have her in our home every Wednesday, and every other weekend. I could tell it was hard on him.

But one thing I noticed was that every time she was with us, he attempted to always do something "special". Eat out. Or take her breakfast in bed. He wouldn't read the newspaper for fear he would be "ignoring" her. There were always special plans on the weekend.

Granted, at that point I had no children of my own, so take this for whatever you think it is worth.

But I would try to gently suggest to him that since her time with her mother couldn't be considered "normal", and because we had a loving home with a dad and "mom", I thought he might think about some of their time together as being just normal days. I thought instead of breakfast in bed, we could eat at the table together - as a family.

He never even entertained my suggestions. He was all about making every minute like "Disneyland". And, then, in our divorce, he told the judge that I tried to keep him from enjoying his time with her, and that I never liked her.

I actually adored her, and was trying to suggest that she have at least one "typical" home life, and that we could provide that for her.

I say this because it seems you always have such fabulous trips, camping, climbing, traveling, etc. How fortunate you are to be able to provide that. And your children seem to really love those times.

None of my business, but do you also have just regular days where there are no special plans, but rather just time at home with you?

If I am overstepping, please excuse me. It was just a thought.

Again, I admire how you are progressing through this awful experience.

I continue to read this thread as you get closer to your new life.

My every good wishes / prayers are with you and your kids.

Atg100 posted 8/17/2019 18:11 PM

Hi and no you donít overstep your mark at all.
This weekend - the kids had friends over, I did some gardening and cooked sausages in the evening.
Same today - sport in the morning and then they will play with friends .
Iím well aware that they need normality , routine and time to play with their toys on their own.
I guess that sort of stuff is less newsworthy here on SI.
But especially during the week, I make sure they have a stable routine, start to help more with housework and so on.
My son mowes the lawn for pocket money; he is also in charge of the dishwasher and bins.
This is all very important ; I donít want little spoilt brats.
But yes, I havenít written about it.

WhatsRight posted 8/17/2019 20:16 PM

Well, I assumed as much.

How did the meeting go with your ex???

Atg100 posted 8/17/2019 20:18 PM

My stbxw came around.
Essentially a blame shifting exercise .
She felt lonely in our relationship ; thatís why she did what she did.
She wanted to say sorry. I told her that I donít need her apology anymore , I have moved on.
She repeated that she doesnít want to take me to the cleaners on Tuesday.
I told her - if thatís the case , then accept my cash offer and take less super annuation than what you are entitled to.
She didnít say anything.
But I put my expectations out, what I would regard as a fair settlement , she canít say later that she didnít know.
The she left .

Marz posted 8/17/2019 20:29 PM

-------Behind the scenes------

She was aghast that you didn't beg for her back again.

How could you not !!!!!!

Your demeanor probably shocked her.

Nice one

AFL1000 posted 8/17/2019 20:40 PM

Well ATG the cynical side of me looks at your STBXW saying she is sorry in the hope that she will pull at your heart strings and by offering up an apology ATG will give me what I want in the settlement.

Your response that you don't need her apology and you're moving on was the best possible response. Well done.

How are you feeling after the meeting?

Enjoy the rest of the weekend with the kids.

Atg100 posted 8/17/2019 20:49 PM

I had no expectations going in.
I thought it would be something like that.
Letís see what happens on Tuesday - already talked to my lawyer. He said we could certainly offer less super annuation payout ; thatís legit.
I donít think she will accept that- once her friends and the lawyer have talked to her.

Otherwise my feelings about her havenít changed . Narcissist , who struggles to accept consequences .

[This message edited by Atg100 at 9:03 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]

NoOptTo posted 8/17/2019 20:58 PM

I think your meeting went as well as it could of gone. You showed her little emotion. You kept to your principles. Now on to Tues. As you, I believe she will ask for everything she is entitled to as per her narc tendencies. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time with your kids today.

Atg100 posted 8/17/2019 21:05 PM

Yes, we are going to see some of my son's friends.
The dad and I are going to build blowguns out of PVC pipes; something I have seen on the internet.
Hope the AP comes by the house for a jog; he may feel a sting....
Just kidding, I have no hard feelings for this guy.

Atg100 posted 8/18/2019 04:59 AM

The rest of our Sunday was great.
We built those blowguns which were astonishingly effective .
The other dad and I tried to improve the darts and were tinkering away, whilst the kids had a blast.
Who cares what my stbxw thinks ?

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