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Different perspective 2.0

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Marz posted 8/20/2019 01:03 AM

The thing is now with this out of the way you have the time to build your practice up and be a great dad.

AFL1000 posted 8/20/2019 02:31 AM

Just got in and immediately hit SI to see the outcome of the mediation. Congrats on the agreement being signed, sealed and delivered. So glad this is all over for you and while it took time she is now fully cognisant of the consequences of her actions.

I must admit I wasn't expecting her to be emotional and crying? I thought she would remain the ice maiden but there you are.

Now that mediation is complete and a cast iron agreement signed when can you implement divorce proceedings?

NoOptTo posted 8/20/2019 03:08 AM

I'm glad to be proven wrong and your XW finally did the right thing by you after all of her selfish behavior. Feeling sorry for her is common. And it does appear that she is finally realizing the consequences to her actions. Now onward to a harder NC with her. Only talk about child related issues. She starts to talk about herself or you, excuse yourself from the conversation saying you have things to do. Dont be surprised if she continues to try and engage you in personal talk to see if she still has any power over you emotionally.

Atg100 posted 8/20/2019 06:12 AM

I still donít know why she cried and why she agreed to the deal.
Part of me thinks, she cried because she wanted more money.
Who knows?
She still gets heaps of cash, just the way the deal is constructed allows me to pay her out over a period of time.
I donít have to sell assets.
And the alternative, going to court would have been so much worse.

nekonamida posted 8/20/2019 08:05 AM

It's probably a combination of things. She didn't get what she wanted, she's dealing with the shame and fall out of being D'd, and she's realizing how much harder her life is without you around to help. And maybe a small part of her is sad about the relationship with you.

It's okay to feel a little bit bad for her. She did blow up her life spectacularly in such a short amount of time.

AFL1000 posted 8/20/2019 08:40 AM


You posted about how emotional your STBXW was during the mediation but it must have been equally an emotional and stressful a day for you too. Our concern is for you through this whole ordeal. How are you feeling after the mediation. Just checking in to see you are doing ok.

Atg100 posted 8/20/2019 14:46 PM

Thank you, I am ok, itís a lot of money, but itís acceptable .
My ex crying, seeing her being so unprepared , that was a lot to take on. I think she is just drifting through life, making emotional choices with no idea of long term consequences .
Thatís why I was sad for her.
No way Iím going back there , itís incredibly stressful, and harmful to be with such a person.
But she is the mother of my children, I hope they donít pick up those stupid behaviours. My wifeís family are also just some nut jobs .
Anyway, her problem now

Atg100 posted 8/20/2019 14:50 PM

And just to add - I think thatís also me and why I am such a vulnerable victim to people who take advantage of me.
I now feel sorry for her, because I know that I will be ok.
Iím not worried about myself .
But that is not how I can be in a relationship ; I canít be the only one giving - and that is what I have been so far.

fareast posted 8/20/2019 15:20 PM

Congrats on getting through the mediation.

Atg100: I am sure you have hit the hail on the head. Your WW projects this spoiled, entitled, but short sighted mentality of ďI am going to do what I want to doĒ, without any sense of the consequences. After all the chances you gave her and her stubborn insistence she did not want to be in the M, here she is an emotional wreck when itís over. She married too young. She had children too young. She missed out going out partying and chasing men. Now she will have her freedom soon and sheís a wreck. Itís a very common reaction for these immature cheaters. She never grew up.

Good luck to you and your children moving on in life.

[This message edited by fareast at 6:33 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

Marz posted 8/20/2019 20:34 PM

The good thing:

You don't have an unknown facing you now. That in itself should be a huge relief.

Atg100 posted 8/20/2019 22:42 PM

Absolutely - and I can manage it.
My lawyer said, if he would have represented the other side, he would have taken me apart.
So Iím lucky.
Just a bit numb today , but that will settle.

paboy posted 8/21/2019 02:03 AM

I was wondering how much the events of yesterday had affected you. You may need to have a breather until you action your next move.

When do you next have the children? You may find the need to have a good bonding time with them to help settle your emotions.

Atg100 posted 8/21/2019 02:06 AM

I wonít see the kids for over a week.
My ex is taking them to Melbourne for a wedding.
But a bit of time on my own also has advantages .
Iím exhausted , could hardly stay awake at work.
Everything will better after a good sleep

20yrsagoBS posted 8/21/2019 13:16 PM


I hope the AP was a decent lay, at least, so she can console herself over the GIGANTIC fortune she gave up for a piece of ass

Wool94 posted 8/21/2019 13:45 PM

Cheers for you!!!

So, How long does it take in Australia for a divorce to be final?

[This message edited by Wool94 at 1:45 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

Atg100 posted 8/21/2019 14:47 PM

I saw her briefly yesterday, when I said good-bye to the kids before they are flying to the wedding in Melbourne today.
It has dawned on her, that she didn't get the best deal- and that her lawyer wasn't good.
" You have so much more earning capacity" " I didn't get what I am entitled for".

I bet that last comment came from the AP.

She got plenty. She won't starve. I can look my kids in the eyes and say that I played within the rules.

I didn't gloat. I didn't comment.

And it's still heaps of cash, but it could have been so much worse.

The lawyers will now submit the divorce paperwork, it should be final too.
I am not sure if we have to wait until the 6th of December, when she moved out, or if we can go straight ahead. I don't care. In my mind , I am divorced.

WhatsRight posted 8/21/2019 18:06 PM


The relief must be amazing!

Take some "you time" while the kids are gone.

Maybe sleep for a week, or work out, or whatever you do to enjoy you.

Thrilled to know it turned out well for you.

steadychevy posted 8/21/2019 18:16 PM

I know here in Alberta, Canada we can't legally divorce until one full year of separation.

AFL1000 posted 8/21/2019 18:57 PM

Again consequences for your STBXW.

Her comments to you are not unexpected because I am sure as soon as she left the mediation she was on her phone to her MIL, FIL, AP and her witches coven of toxic friends who were telling her "Oh you should have got so much more". Sorry she chose her lawyer; it was her lawyer's job to negotiate the best deal for her. Clearly your lawyer was a whole lot better.

I know in your mind post-mediation you are divorced but I would hope that to totally finalise everything your lawyer can use the earlier in-house separation date than 6 Dec when she eventually left the family home to get the divorce decree through the courts.

I am so glad this shitty life episode is coming to a conclusion and better days are ahead of you.

[This message edited by AFL1000 at 7:00 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

Atg100 posted 8/21/2019 19:05 PM

She moved out on the 6th of December last year. This could be the divorce date.
We started to sleep in different bed rooms from the 4th of August, I moved out for a week during that period as well.
If both of us agree to sign the paperwork, stating that our relationship was irreparable broken, then we could divorce right now.
The lawyers will now send consent orders for the financial separation to court ; they will make it legally binding.
I canít remember if they are also submitting the application for divorce at the same time.
Either way the process is now in place, at the latest we file on the 6th of December .
The only real need for the divorce certificate is when she wants to change her surname or if either of us are getting re-married.
Iím not saying never to that idea, equally Iím pretty confident that I wonít re-marry prior to the 6th of December anyway
Whilst I write this as a bit of a joke, my lawyer has clients who want to marry their new partner straight away - and itís often the AP ... we know the stats in those relationships

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