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Different perspective 2.0

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Marz posted 8/30/2019 16:10 PM

Let's look at this.

I have an affair and want out. I get that plus a whole lotta cash to boot.

Now I'm gonna complain because you have more than me.

Why are you dealing with this?

You have enough problems.

Learn to ignore.

Atg100 posted 8/30/2019 18:21 PM

Absolutely .
My only difficulty is that I need her to be cooperative on certain child related things.
For example - I need to apply for passports for both children for a trip in January .
I need her signature on the paperwork.
If she refuses, I could go through a court order but thatís a lot of hassle .
Or I just endure her madness and answer .

But yes I forwarded her crazy emails to my lawyer who will watch out If her side considers fighting the mediation result in court .

Marz posted 8/30/2019 18:36 PM

Yeah, the mediation if they reneg is your major concern.

Once they sign can they try and back out?

If so you'd be better off trying to not throw up redflags to a bull.

[This message edited by Marz at 6:37 PM, August 30th (Friday)]

Atg100 posted 8/30/2019 19:53 PM

At the end of the mediation, I signed a form, stating that I accept the outcome and if I fight the mediation outcome in court, I would have to carry the legal cost.
My ex did not sign this one.
She signed that she accepts the mediation result, but not that she would carry all legal costs of a trial.

AFL1000 posted 8/30/2019 19:55 PM

As I understand Australian law once an agreement is signed by both parties during mediation it is binding on both parties and is as enforceable as any other contractual agreement.

ATG's very STBXW is just pissed that she and her lawyer got outmanoeuvred during the negotiations. She had legal advice, delayed the signing of the agreement by half an hour according to ATG while she discussed it with her lawyer and then signed it. No thumb stews were applied, no finger nails were pulled. I am sure she has been told by family, friends and the AP that you should have got more. Well sorry you thought ATG was going to roll over and give you everything and he didn't so now she comes crying poor to all that will listen to her.

Yes she could still go to court but it's going to cost her heaps and a binding agreement is just that, binding! Given her focus on money I don't think she would risk further action and incurring heavy legal costs.

I agree with ATG that she could be petty and cause difficulties if he wants to take the kids overseas on holidays by refusing to sign paperwork for passports so he does have to do his own game playing to keep her onside and cooperative.

ATG you said you have a school function today that she is attending Have you got plans to handle dealing with her in social settings?

Atg100 posted 8/30/2019 20:07 PM


I won't go to the school function, some of the parents I am more friendly with, have got other plans.
The kids are quite happy with a home day, we have got heaps to sort out.
And I enjoy the silence.

As far as I understand, if she wants to fight the mediation agreement, its quite a major battle for her.
I agreed to two years of increased child maintenance pay. If she should let me know that she will fight the agreement, I'd stop those increased payments. She would have a tough time getting the cash for the law suit together, so I think its not a real thread at the moment.

AFL1000 posted 8/31/2019 10:07 AM


In amongst all the pain, anger and hurt of the past year as a result of the shitstorm your STBXW brought into your life, the one constant that has never changed has been the love of your children for you.

Happy Father's Day.

Enjoy the day with your son and daughter.

paboy posted 8/31/2019 12:02 PM

Wishing you and AFL a happy fathers day.

May this time next year have us all in so much more peace.

Atg100 posted 8/31/2019 18:46 PM

Thank you so much guys, its much appreciated !

Atg100 posted 9/1/2019 22:22 PM

After a peaceful weekend with the kids, did I drive them over to their mother before work this morning.
She was pissed off about something, could hardly speak because of all the anger.
Yesterday she sent me an email, thanking me for being a wonderful father to the children.She must have had battery acid for breakfast or her new man didnít please her over night, her mode had again changed.
After I left, she sent me a couple of text messages, still angry.
I ignored all of them.
She is crazy, Iím so glad that I donít have to see her this week.
The return handover will be done by the nanny.

Marz posted 9/1/2019 23:10 PM

Anyway you can let the nanny handle all exchanges?

AFL1000 posted 9/1/2019 23:36 PM


Was her anger directed at you in the emails or was she just pissed off at the world and venting and you were just in the line of sight at the time?

Could be the outcomes of the mediation and the finalisation of the divorce are looming large. All actions have consequences as she is now learning.

Expect more of these unpredictable anger outbursts. Ingnore, ignore, ignore.

Atg100 posted 9/2/2019 00:05 AM

Sadly, I canít use the nanny for all exchanges.
I think the anger was directed at me for all the reasons you mentioned.
I was polite but did not engage into any discussion .
Even the one text message I needed to answer, I remained diplomatic .
( always imagine the the message will be one day read in court )
Itís exhausting , Iím looking forward not to hear from her until Sunday

Atg100 posted 9/4/2019 19:20 PM

And it continues to be slightly difficult :
Her lawyer hasnít do the paperwork for the court order which has to follow the mediation.
Yesterday my children were staying with her the extra night, to make up for an extra night they had with me.
My daughter didnít want a bar of it and demanded to come home to me.
I talked to her via FaceTime and made staying at her mumís sound like fun.
I had to do it for the kids.
Afterwards my ex texts me ď this is so sad ď

I answered ď yes, I donít ever want to tell my daughter again that she canít stay with me ď and left it as that.
Iím sure my ex wanted me to somehow say thatís ok , but she wonít get any sympathy out of me.
At night I dreamt that we were still a family and everything seemed so lovely.
Nowadays these dreams donít take it out of me so much any more, a few months ago, I would have been sad for most of the day.

Marz posted 9/4/2019 20:53 PM

At night I dreamt that we were still a family and everything seemed so lovely.

Counter that with having to live in infidelity as well.

You're getting there. These things are never easy but time will dissipate it for you.

20yrsagoBS posted 9/4/2019 21:53 PM


Youíre doing great! You really are! Your heart still has to catch up to your head.


paboy posted 9/5/2019 00:20 AM

Keep on keeping on..My friend.

Atg100 posted 9/5/2019 02:03 AM

Thanks for the words of encouragement .
I know that the dreams are just that- but they can set the mode for a day.
Iím not confusing my dreams with reality - but the heart is limping behind a bit ...
Today I have got the kids , so everything is so different anyway.
Iím busy in the very good way and there is no real reason for the ex to email me or similar .

Lifeitself posted 9/5/2019 02:48 AM

Youíve been doing great ATG. Just ignore the Ďthis is so sad:((((Ď messages. Keep on grey rocking mate.

Atg100 posted 9/6/2019 21:24 PM

About 3 weeks ago, I asked my ex if we should work through the co-parenting book from Relationship Australia .
No answer .
Last week, I asked her about a number of specific dates of the co-parenting calendar .
Are you working on this date ? Can we swap that date ?
No answer or even acknowledgement of the email.
I will ask her next week, what she would think an appropriate turnaround time for such questions to be answered might be.
Again, I donít expect an answer.
Itís her narcissism of course .
Iím not playing this game.
I will collect enough of these unanswered emails and then seek an order that we both have to attend a compulsory coparenting course .

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